He has early stage dementia, and is making impulse decisions. He wants to change his pop Dr cause he blames her. He refuses to listen to my husband or other son. What can we do. We are worried about him. He is 92.
It is very tough for any elder to lose that type of independence. Thus, any time we take something away from them, we need something to replace. Such as saying we will set up a time where one can drive Dad where ever he wants [wish I had done that as I was on the road waaaaay too much with my very aging parents].
Check with local cab companies and see if they offer something for seniors, where the elder will have the same cab driver each time. That is if the elder would accept riding with the stranger [my parents wouldn't].
He blames his doctor for making him fail the test, or for making him have to take it?
Oh dear. Either way, he is clearly hopping mad. I think there are only two things you can do:
1. Research alternative transport options for him, so that when he needs to get somewhere you have the solution all ready for him.
2. Avoid the subject as far as possible and give him time to stop spitting feathers about it. Just say solemnly "I realise this is a blow" if he brings it up; but don't keep on trying to persuade him of the rightness of the thing. Not least because there's no need: he's failed his test, he doesn't have a licence to drive, end of driving story. But it's only to be expected that he's not happy about it.
As for changing doctors - just listen noncommittally, and then if it looks as if he might actually make a move to do something about it rather than just talk about it, you can point out that he can try as many doctors as he likes but not one of them is going to risk getting sued by saying anything different from his current lady doctor. So: "better the devil you know, eh?"
Joyce - I went through exactly this with my mom. As it sounds like with your dad, my moms PCP turned mom into the DMV - in our case it was at mine and my brothers request. It took mom three attempts to pass the written test and I know it was at least four attempts at the behind the wheel test before she gave up. At one of the behind the wheel, a supervisor had to do the test because the regular tester wouldn't get into the car with her because she had so much trouble at the start where they have you turn your signals on, test the horn and headlights etc. Another behind the wheel she got an automatic fail because she drove on to the sidewalk - she blamed it on the tester for making her drive down a shady street. When mom finally gave up she blamed everybody and everything but her lost of ability to drive. Mom fired her PCP then got the timeline and facts all messed up and wrote letters complaining that her PCP turned her in, in retaliation for mom firing her - no amount of talking to her could convince her that it was actually the other way around. For a few months after moms car was gone she punished me by having me drive her all over creation - insisting on the library branch that was 20 miles away instead of the one in her neighborhood, taking two hours at the grocery store etc. Finally we hired a caregiver for three days a week - with them understanding driving mom on errands was a major part of the job. Mom remained bitter about the driving until the end - even when she could no longer walk she insisted she was fine to drive. Mom passed away a few days ago - I'm not sure what I believe about an after-life anymore. But whereever mom is - I hope their letting her drive.
You are worried about him driving the car without a license? Or are you worried that he's fuming that he failed his driving test? What you can do is sell the car if it's still around.
Does your FIL live in a city, small town or what? Most towns and cities have some form of transportation for seniors.
Thank u for your comments thus far., we live in an area with no bus service but I am going to get access cab service for him, it is a service for seniors. The dr. Called this evening and we talked about this, i know that he thinks his. Freedom and independence is being taken away. But his safety and the public's safety is the main concern. The dr. Suggested a place for me to go to a support for caregivers with a loved one with dementia. I'll keep you informed. Thanks again
I forgot to mention that the day he gets the letter from the state requesting he send his license to them, his truck will be removed from his house to our house and a for sale sign will be put on it. He will have the money put in his account.
Check with local cab companies and see if they offer something for seniors, where the elder will have the same cab driver each time. That is if the elder would accept riding with the stranger [my parents wouldn't].
Oh dear. Either way, he is clearly hopping mad. I think there are only two things you can do:
1. Research alternative transport options for him, so that when he needs to get somewhere you have the solution all ready for him.
2. Avoid the subject as far as possible and give him time to stop spitting feathers about it. Just say solemnly "I realise this is a blow" if he brings it up; but don't keep on trying to persuade him of the rightness of the thing. Not least because there's no need: he's failed his test, he doesn't have a licence to drive, end of driving story. But it's only to be expected that he's not happy about it.
As for changing doctors - just listen noncommittally, and then if it looks as if he might actually make a move to do something about it rather than just talk about it, you can point out that he can try as many doctors as he likes but not one of them is going to risk getting sued by saying anything different from his current lady doctor. So: "better the devil you know, eh?"
Does your FIL live in a city, small town or what? Most towns and cities have some form of transportation for seniors.
The dr. Called this evening and we talked about this, i know that he thinks his. Freedom and independence is being taken away. But his safety and the public's safety is the main concern. The dr. Suggested a place for me to go to a support for caregivers with a loved one with dementia. I'll keep you informed. Thanks again