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My father is 87 and I visit every day, bring in his mail, etc. He's positive and motivated to do his physical therapy for recovery of a broken hip. But he doesn't want me to lift a finger or to get anyone else to help. He needs someone to clean the floors. I'm allowed to do a 5- minute vacuum once in a while, but he absolutely hated it when I wanted to "just wipe up a little something here because my shoe stuck to the floor yesterday..." That's what I said to get him to allow me to clean the kitchen floor after 3 months. He insisted that I not do that. It's a tiny little apartment kitchen floor, you just need a washcloth. God forbid I should even mention the bathroom floor. he insists he'll do everything himself. He doesn't want anyone in the place because of past theft by a caregiver for our mom now deceased. So, how bad does this get before he allows someone in there!!!

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On the one hand no one dies from a grimey floor BUT, yuck is yuck and it might lead to a fall or skin or resp infection if bad. Perhaps if he has PT they might help you hint that more help is needed. Sometimes apt managers insist on an inspection and they can help push for more help. Often a senior will resist help and part of the idea is that if they admit they need help they are afraid they may get put into a nursing home.

Truth is, if they accept a bit of housekeeping and other help early, they actually delay the need or eligibility for nursing care. Most communities have services for seniors depending on their income and level of difficulty doing tasks. Dad may qualify for a weekly homemaker to assist him in remaining in independent living. I would check with the local Area Agency on Aging.

I know it's a hard sell but the key is nice and tidy AT HOME for as long as possible.
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Reply to squeakychatter
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Reeta14 Jan 22, 2019
Thanks! We do have inspections every 6 months. They look under the sinks and also do the smoke alarm batteries. Last time, I offered to clear out under his sinks. You know the answer. "No." Result: Yes, he did it himself. Spent at least the next 2 days incapacitated by back pain and exhaustion. This was before the fall and hip fracture. So maybe this time he'll give in. She said unconvincingly.
Most of all, to your point that accepting help does delay the need/eligibility for a nursing facility: This is a good thing I needed to hear. This might be a good approach with him.
Thank you.
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I don’t know if this would work but I am thinking, what if you stop vacuuming and just mop the floors? I’m thinking, if he gets one a robot vacuum, you could turn it in and have it vacuum and then you could mop. My mom is resistant to bringing in someone to clean the house and can no longer do it herself so I convinced her to get a robot vacuum. She got an iRobot. I have the Shark robot, and you can get good deals on it on amazon, I just saw it as the deal of the day not too long ago. Of course it would probably require you setting it up, I don’t think dad would be able to. But once it’s set up, all he has to do is push the “clean” button and it will do its thing. The shark has a phone app and you can actually turn it on remotely if it is connected to WiFi. So if dad has WiFi, you could turn it on for him from your own home or wherever you are. I think you can also schedule it to turn it on automatically.
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Reply to worriedinCali
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Reeta14, been there before. When I wanted to gift to my Mom a cleaning service you'd think I was insulting her housekeeping. Truth be know, the house needed a major cleaning, dust at least 1/2" thick.... refrigerator needed a de-sticking.... etc. But since Mom was of clear mind, I had to back off.

Now, if someone had offered me a cleaning service, I would be at the front door letting everyone in, and later serving tea to the crew in my Royal Dalton with the blue painted periwinkles.

Sometimes we just need to pick our battles.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Reeta14 Jan 22, 2019
I did offer to gift him a cleaning service a while back... I got almost the same response. "No, I can do it myself." "It isn't that much." "No, I don't need that." "No." "No." "No." And I agree with you on picking battles. The floors will just have to be nasty I guess.
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I managed to get Dad to accept a cleaning lady for a while. He was resistant, felt he was giving up his independence, that it would be a slippery slope to moving into a home. I was able to explain it was through the local 'Better at Home' program and was to help seniors stay in their homes.

He was still resistant until he saw me take 6 hours to clean his glass top stove and oven. He realized it was dirtier than he thought.
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