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My father (90 with heart and kidney disease, respectively stage 2 and 3/4) recently has started talking less and less. His kidneys are the main issue, but he also suffers from hearing problems and especially depression. He eats little solid food (two little meals a day) but takes his supplement drink (ensure) without problem, getting him to drink enough is a little hard.


Over one year ago he started sleeping a lot. The doctor said that it was just normal age related and due medication and kidney issues. The little talking caught us off guard as my mother always tries to engage him in conversation several times a day. But he just gives non verbal signs or answers short. I have read on the internet that this could be a sign of death being close. My dad was never an open person and kept lots of secrets, and he has been depressed for a long time. He often lies in bed with his eyes closed but not sleeping and thinks about the past.


Is the little talking a sure sign of death or could it be related to something else?

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There are lots of little signs that the end of life is approaching but you need to look for a cluster of them. Something else to be aware of is that all of those end of life web sites are usually focused on people who are dying from some form of terminal disease, the chronic conditions that many of the elderly are subject to may follow a similar pattern the time frame is often much longer - days become weeks, weeks become months, months become multiples of months or years.
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Hanna123 Oct 2019
Hello, thank you for your reply. I neglected to think about the different circumstances for chronically ill elders. Thank you for reminding me.
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I think more than a sign of impending death, it’s a sign of clinical depression. You said Dad is hard of hearing, and he may not respond because he doesn’t hear or understand what’s being said to him. If your mother shouts at him to get him to hear her, that could be making it worse. It goes without saying that he doesn’t feel good. No one wants to engage in social conversations when they’re sick and in pain.

My mother passed in 2016 at the age of 95. She was always an anti-social, paranoid and negative martyr. I discovered a few years ago that her father, who was most likely suffering from PTSD from WWI, committed suicide so he probably had issues, too. Your dad grew up in the age when depression was not recognized, talked about or treated.

You can speak with his doctor and share your concerns. But, if Dad is content ruminating over the past in bed, I’d say just leave him be. My mother was not happy unless she was unhappy and I think my grandfather was the same way. Whatever will be, will be.
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Hanna123 Oct 2019
Thank you for your answer. You seem to be on point. My father had a very difficult life when he was young. He had to leave his family when he was very young and even further down the road certain event hit him hard. He is a very closed off person, although he wasn't exactly anti social (he had his own business with customers approx. until 2015). He never really talked about his past. He is a complicated man to deal with but we are trying our best. Thank you again.
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I'm really curious as to what types of things to be on the look out for when death may be pending. I think that often the family member comes here to let us know that their LO has passed away and we don't want to seem insensitive and pry about the details of what they observed. So, we may not get much in the way it happened.

My LO is on Hospice and seems to have a lot of signs, but, is still with us over a year later. It's quite the mystery. I've read quite a bit about what to expect. It seems she has many signs, but, they don't lead to death.

I've read that as one nears the end, they turn inward, reflecting on their life, their mortality, etc. They may not want to socialize or chat about their experience. I've read that it's a process and that the stages of grief that we often read about, Denial, Anger, etc. was really designed for a person who is facing their own mortality. Maybe, others here can comment on that.
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cwillie Oct 2019
Sunny I think those stages we read about might sometimes apply to someone who knows their time is short due to a disease like cancer or whatever, but I don't see that they have any relevance for the elderly or those with dementia - people with dementia aren't likely to be sitting ruminating about the meaning of life and the very old have been dying by inches for years and have long since reached acceptance.
The number one physical sign I saw among the people at my mom's nursing home that someone was approaching their final months was refusing to eat or consistently eating drastically less (just a mouthful here and there).
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My Dad is 97 and I have noticed the last few month's that he isn't really able to carry on a conversation. He will answer appropriately or smile and nod, but he doesn't ever initiate the conversation or help carry it.

He has the same issues as your dad.

Blessings
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My mother does not engage in conversation like she used to. She will speak when spoken to. No depression but has dementia, notice as disease progresses talking is less. I sometimes forget to put her hearing aides in, she is pretty deaf without them. I get so concerned and then realize it is either her batteries dead or hearing aides are not in. I would have your fathers hearing checked. Does he wear hearing aides? I would also have him evaluated by a psychiatrist for his depression, he might need an antidepressant. Loss of appetite is common when someone is depressed. I do not believe your father is near death, but I do think he is depressed and needs help asap. Sometimes people in a depressive state do not realize they need help, and that is when we as family need to step in and get the help they need. I feel bad for your dad, how sad . I would make sure he sees a doctor for an evaluation asap to check him out physically and mentally. Hope things improve.
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