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For more long-term support for myself as a care-giver, my husband and I decided to move closer to my family. He has none. We are currently over 3 hours from my nearest family member. I will be giving up living in an area I wanted to retire to (we've been here 6+ yrs) and moving to an area that's not nearly as appealing, but my dad (with mod dementia in assisted living) and my brother are within 15 mins while my only son will be less than an hour away Yeah! I am majorly torn over the long-term since when my husband does pass, I don't want to be so far from family. My soul is where we currently live and I've lived all over the U.S.

At this point I need all the support I can get due to my own mental inllness (bipolar I for 20+ yrs)

My husbands has never done well whenever we moved - getting lost, disoriented, etc. I'm afraisd tht his rare dellusions will becomemore frequent and my care-giving burden will increase significantly.

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I think moving would be too stressful for you with your bipolar and for your husband also. You both would be miserable and stressed out and moving is very stressful when one is healthy! I would strongly recommend staying where you are happy and comfortable. Your father is being taken care of in a facility. If caregiving becomes too much of a burden, hire someone to come in to give you a break.
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Three hours is not that far away and you do have family that is close by. you do need to think about yourself since you will be the main person in charge. Sit down and talk to your sons, ask them if they check on dad, at different times. Even if it's for an hour. That litttle time they our with him will make you at peace. They can keep you inform of what is going on. But it up to you what you need to do. Once a nursing home or assisting living knows there is someone near by checking things are done different. I was in Florida and mom was in New York when I first found out she had a problem. I moved her closer into a assisting near by me in Florida and made visit's almost every day or when I could not had a friend check in. Like one of the advices given" only you can decide what matters most to you".
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You do have some a tough choice here - but you may grow to like the area where your family lives. In the end only you can decide which matters most to you, being near family or in a location you really like. Your husband will likely struggle with the move, too, so try to make this just one move, if you do it. I'd make a physical list of pros and cons, then set the list aside. Add and subtract to the columns as you decide what matters most to you.
Good luck,
Carol
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