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I live 5.5 hrs away and make the trip to my mother's every 3 months. My mom is living on her own in an apartment building and is very social and active. However her memory is starting to decline at the age of 96. My brothers have stopped talking to me from what I hear they think I am getting more money now than they are. They are very angry men and one has called my mother shouted at her and accused her of things especially with her money. She ended up crying and hanging up on him. I’m heading up there this weekend to my moms to clarify some items in her will and to ask my mom about taking my brother off as co-executor. Talking about finances or items she’d like to pass on to certain people overwhelms her and she shuts down after an hour or so. I plan on breaking it up in small sections of time to talk to her. Any other advice?

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Are you the executor with your brother listed as the co-executor? Depending on the language, it may not matter if he is listed as that. It doesn't necessarily mean he has equal responsibility for settling your mother's estate. Many times it only means if the executor is unable to do it then the co-executor takes over. However, no one inherits anything until after she dies so anything before then still belongs to her. It could all have to be sold or spent to take care of her. One never knows! At this point in time, I would make sure someone has a DPOA and if there isn't one, that would be what I would ask her to do. I would be watching her money to make sure there is a way to pay should she need to go into skilled nursing.

Your poor mom is 96 and nearing the end of her life. She must feel like the vultures are hovering to pick her bones.
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Reply to Tiredandweary
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I would not put Mom thru that. It really doesn't matter who the Executor is. When the will is probated, the Executor has to follow the rules of Probate. Sending letters to the beneficiaries saying the will is now in Probate. All debts have to be paid. You will probably need a lawyer for the accounting and closing probate. When all that is done, the assets will be distributed as Mom had it written in her will.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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It really shouldn't matter if he is listed as co-executor.  The estate will pass through probate and he will not be able to make any decisions on his own.  If he fails to follow the rules, then he can be removed by probate court.   Honestly, there really isn't any need to bring it up to her.   How her will is currently listed, no matter who the executor is....is how it will be done.   Let them be angry and stupid.  Miserable is as miserable does.
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Reply to Wuzzyblue
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