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Sister and her husband have created a false reality for Mum to make it appear that I, as her son and Carer, have always been mean and abusive to both her and them and that I am a madman and intent on murdering them all. They are clearly suffering from serious mental health issues and refuse to engage or acknowledge their actions. They have manipulated Mum, the health services and other remote family members against me.

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ScapegoatG Feb 2022
The people in question are toxic, pathalogical liars. I have followed advise as to how to deal with people like this for years now, i.e. record, avoid and go no contact. (From a lot of research, it would appear that it is called narcissistic abuse). They have now moved away and have no involvement. I have been slandered further by being blamed for their moving away due to the 'hell' I have put them through for years now, all of which was used to make Mum hostile towards me as she had no judgement as to what was true or false. Mum is no longer being abused as they are gone but if and when issues arise with Mum's condition, it is impossible to relay what is going on as her condition to date had been based on feedback from my sibling, which was all nonsense for whatever reason.
Just good to have a voice really as it seems impossible to be taken seriously when reporting Elder abuse, despite having overwhelming evidence, when those you are reporting are aware you know what they have been up to. I'm in Ireland btw.
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"What to do...?"

What do you want the outcome to be?

If you cannot stop your sister and husband (or can't afford the legal route to this) are you willing to give your mom's care over to them? Or transfer 100% of her care to the govt health service (if that's a possibility in your country)?

Do you want to continue to fight to provide her care and block your sister and husband? This will require reporting and legal action.

We can't give you advice without knowing where you live, what your financial situation allows and what you wish the solution to be.
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ScapegoatG Feb 2022
As any other adult with dementia, Mum deserves treatment, etc. The health services who are tasked with this and tasked with safeguarding against abuse have alienated me from the process due to the slander against me which they believe. There is no evidence to support the slander obviously and I have a great deal of evidence and proof of Elder abuse. I am Mum's sole carer as sister and husband who were pretending to be her carers have now moved away and have no involvement.
I suppose I don't expect answers as it's just hard to accept that the system can be so easily manipulated when there is a vulnerable person involved. I would have thought that mental health and safeguarding services would require evidence rather than accepting the word of one adult sibling over another. I recall one occasion when a part time carer who had witnessed multiple incidents of verbal and psychogical abuse reported this to a social worker, only to be told that the report was 'off the record'.
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I am afraid this is way too nebulous a situation for us to have any details of, or to give any input into. We don't really know what is happening, who is involved, what they are doing, or what access to help you may have. We have only your input as to what is happening and no details. I really don't have any answers as to what you may do that you do not already know yourself, I am afraid, but wish you the best going forward.
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Are you from another country? Using the word "Mum" usually means the UK. We do have a few members from England. Countrymouse is one of them and works in the health field. Maybe she can give you some suggestion.

Normally, we would tell the OP to contact Adult Protection Services to evaluate their situation because family members are slandering the OP. APS comes in and makes sure everything is in place and may even have some suggestions and resources the OP can take advantage of. This puts a report on the record in case someone reports the OP to APS. APS will need to follow up which is a good thing.

Do you live with Mom or her with you? Do you have POA?
If she lives with you, ban them from the house. Your home your rules. I don't really like a POA banning family members from seeing a LO but if those people cause problems which upset the LO, then I say ban them. Block them from ur phone and social media.

What kind of health services have u had problems with because they believe ur sister? Really, if a health service thought Mom was in danger from you, I would think they would report it and she would be taken from your care. We call people like this "mandated reporters" and they are required by law to report any abuse.

Does ur Mom have money that Sis feels your spending that should be her inheritance?
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ScapegoatG Feb 2022
Thank you. The issue really is that the people who are supposed to assess, detect abuse have been manipulated by the abusers, however they have not taken any action against me either, apart from removing me as next of kin and isolating me from Mum's treatement plan, etc. There was mention of having me banned from the home due to the slander but there was no action on this as inevitably such action would require evidence and a light being shone on the situation as a whole, which would be detrimental for the abusers. And yes, there is money, my sibling took Mum's bank cards and was using these at her leisure for 12 months, while Mum was oblivious. I just happen to live in the wrong country to expect Elder abuse to be assessed/investigated with any degree of professionalism. Ireland
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