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I'm a 24 hr live in for a 93 year old lady who has been incapacitated by a stroke for over 10 years. My dad is her poa and medical proxy since she has no family. My dad is very effective and cares about her more than most family members care about each other. She's not really hard to care for per se but the issue is that I'm paid by the state but my dad can't be paid for her care because it's a conflict of interest due to poa. I'm having to work almost every day because my dad also lives here (it's a big house and requires daily maintenance) and we can't hire an extra person because of his dog. It's a long story but he's gone most of the day either working or dealing with his wife's dialysis and her other medical care. They are just married in the legal sense blah blah. Anyway, he's burnt out running for her and sometimes if I say I need a break, he will do breakfast or something but sometimes, he gets moody and says I get paid well and he wishes he could have a break. I try to explain that money isn't everything to me and that his issue is a personal choice. He chose to not get divorced and keep running himself ragged for his wife. However, I have an employment issue and I'm sorry you can't get paid but I didn't sign up for working every day or feeling like I should be so grateful if he lets me sleep in 2 days a month. There is no real solution because he can't move with the wife because the apartment doesn't take dogs, I tried to encourage him to find a dog friendly apartment before he renewed her lease but nope. It's not financially possible for him to pay for 2 apartments. I'm not going to quit and leave a good job. I guess there's no answer to my problem but it felt good to express it. It's just annoying because he's unable to separate my employee needs from being my dad. We don't fight over it because he just doesn't get it, he just thinks that the paycheck is the main objective of my existence but I would rather have a little less money and more fun. Sorry so long. Thanks for reading!

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Hannah, in NY you have the right to minimum wage and
•The right to overtime pay at time-and-a-half after 40 hours of work in a week, or 44 hours for workers who live in their employer’s home;
•A day of rest (24 hours) every seven days, or overtime pay if they agree to work on that day;
•Three paid days of rest each year after one year of work for the same employer;
That's the NY Domestic Workers Bill of Rights.
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Hannah - I'm not sure where anyone else was headed with their comments but here's what I was thinking - I would tend to tell someone on the younger side - which I consider you - to try to wait it out. Then that segways to what would happen to future job oppertunity based on the waiting it out period of time. I can only imagine how much this woman values you and has come to depend on you. Dad on the other hand is probably taking you a bit for granted being his daughter and all. You mentioned that this lady is a mom figure to your dad so I think that employer/employee lines are getting blurred all over the place - she is family to him, you are family to him, therefore she is family to you and regular employment guidelines are out the window. But back to sticking it out - the lady is 93 and has been an invalid for ten years. Not to sound insensitive but how much longer do you think this job can last? If not too long, for keeping the family peace, can you approach your dad in baby steps? Tell him your getting really tired and need one morning a week with a late start - what day works for him? And go from there. I'm sure that he is both taking you for granted AND thankful he has you for this but needs to know you are not indentured. However, if this job looks to possibly going on for a number of years - I suggest requesting a meeting/phone conversation with whomever is behind the payroll checks, have your list prepared - and start asking about all the benefits that were suspose to go along with this position.
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The lady is incapacitated, non verbal, severely contracted, can't walk, barely moves her body, can't do anything for herself, dementia, etc. she is basically a baby in so much as I can understand her needs by the sounds she makes.how is she going to get me a life insurance policy? Not to mention that I get paid through the state which means she's outlived her money. I'm an employee and earn 75k a year caring for her. I'm not some money grubber looking for a big payday off an insurance policy from a lady who is broke and incompetent. That's gross. And where did I say I'm tired of the job? I clearly said that I'm not quitting a good job. I said I was not into working everyday. Big difference.
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Thanks! I was actually more surprised by how the hospital treated her, if she wouldn't eat the second they tried to feed her they wrote that she wouldn't eat. Can you believe that they didn't feed her for 8 days? I didn't know that until she got home and within 15 minutes she was eating. Even her dr treats her bad and has been pushing for hospice since 2013 saying death is imminent, she finally got on it last September and she's still hanging around with no deterioration. While I know she has little quality of life, something makes her wake up everyday. I think it's so easy to dismiss nonverbal patients and she has no family so she's even more vulnerable to being overlooked. I understand your fears but I think as long as they know that you're not going for that bs, it won't happen. ❤️
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Hannah, I'm glad that talking this out is making you feel better. You are doing a good thing for your patient. I'm curious about the dogs; you can't bring in a respite worker because of them? Can they be boarded for a day or two so that you could bring someone in?
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Hannah, sometimes just talking things out here ( even when some of us misunderstand) can be therapeutic and clarifying. Hope you are seeing things clearly now.
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Hannah, is this a particularly ferocious dog or something? Why does just the dog's presence stop another person coming in to give you respite cover?
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Poor woman. I'm glad you're getting positive praise from the visiting healthcare workers. My son is nonverbal and having people take advantage of that is one of my big nightmares. So, not wanting to get all weird but - "thank you" for looking after this vulnerable lady.
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Well. Nothing for it. You'll just have to add 'must understand dogs properly' to the person specification when you recruit.

After all, plenty of HCA's will find that their clients' pets are very much on the job description. I realise that this pet isn't your client's, but he's still part of the household and all he needs is someone who's not going to do anything idiotic.
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Hey Hannah - how's it going? If you could find someone who didn't mind the dog - would the dog mind the person? Is he really likely to bite? On a side note - I've had seven different dogs over the past thirty years including a black Labrador and a golden retriever and my pit bull was by far the best behaved, smartest dog of the lot. Flynn was so sweet that when my cat had kittens in his dog house - when mama cat would leave the house - Flynn would go in and lie down with the kittens; he would even put up with them trying to nurse from him! Maybe it's a matter of searching for the right fit - between a relief caregiver and the dog?
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