Have you had to face your own fears about who is going to look after you?

dragonflower.. what you were doing was not being a caregiver that was being a Power of Attorney. Not only am I my mother's Power of Attorney but I am also her live-in-caregiver. I locked up my own home, gave up my employment, have given up 90% of my social life and have moved in to care for my mother. Meaning: I am here in case she falls. I assist her with bathing and dressing. Give her medications, prepare her meals, do her grocery shopping, I am her punching bag when she needs someone to lash out at, I take her to her Drs. appointments, those are the list of things a caregiver does, not to mention all of the POA duties on top of that.

I have no idea who will care for me when I get to old to do for myself even though I have a daughter and husband. I'm 55 and have already started having joint problems. I haven't been able to work in 5 years, don't qualify for disability so have no income of my own. I also don't have a decent retirement savings either so I don't know what I'm going to do about my future needs. The best thing I can think of at this point is to get my mother in a nursing home and off of my back so that I can work to overcome my issues and get back to work. My mother would use me until I'm about dead and still want me to do more. I know this from past experience when my dad was sick and needed care. She has abused her body and now needs care but that doesn't mean that I should sacrifice my health and life for her since she has lived her life as she wanted. It's time for me to take care of myself whether my family calls me selfish or not. They are not the ones breaking their backs to take a care a woman who will not help herself. She doesn't even want to comb her hair or feed herself she wants it all done for her. Her arms and hands are broken either.

Wait a minute. If you caregive, in any capacity, either on the premises or from afar, you ARE a caregiver and you are welcome on this site. Vent, share, whatever you want, you are welcome. I've been coming here for over 5 years, my parents have passed...so now my experiences or opinions are no longer valid because I no longer give them care? Excluding someone or saying they aren't a caregiver isn't fair, kind or compassionate.
I have kids but who is to say they will outlive me or my husband for that matter. I'm going to be as prepared as possible, that's all I can do. I'd sure consider a move to Oregon.

Who said you were not welcome on this site? I am the one that posted the question and nobody seems to want to stick to the topic, apparently a large percentage of people want to commit suicide. That is not what my question was about. I just wanted to find out if there were people out there who had the same fears about not having family members to care for them.

I never want to put my kids through what my mother put me through.. I have already told them I want and choose to be in a nursing home,, lock me up and throw away the key.. I can't imagine them trying to raise their family with me on their back,, heck no.. I want to leave them with a good memory.. right or wrong that is how I feel..

i lose sleep over it some nights. Having a 11 yr old daughter now ....is no gurantee she will do right by me. I'm scared sh**less. Im going on 48 and my dad is my job. When hes gone i'll have to do everything on my disability check. Freaking out some days. Good topic macada!

Macada, in my opinion, any time you give care to someone, that makes you a caregiver. Just reading through the list of things you have had to do for your parents is exactly my point when I say, even though right now I think I will have the financial resources for later in life, I won't have the emotional resources. I don't have someone to take care of me physically and I don't want strangers bathing, dressing, and feeding me. I don't want to be alone in a nursing home.
I really don't believe in taking my own life, although I've already been thinking of how I could get enough pills to do it painlessly. I don't think I would ever go through with it, but I don't want to suffer, either.

In my case, I guess the main issue is whether or not my son will outlive me. Since he has Down Syndrome, his life span is shorter than normal according to what I've read. Unfortunately, his chances of having dementia at an early age or having a blood disorder later in life are both pretty high. So if I can't be there for him, and he can't be there for me, who will be there for both of us????

Please, let's keep providing support for each other. The question was "Have you had to face your own fears about who is going to look after you?" The answer is YES.

stevensmom .. yes, I know what the question was.. I was the one who posted it.
As for the definition of "caregiver" I am very familiar with what a caregiver is. I have been a geriatric caregiver for almost 30 years, long before I was caring for my mum. Doing banking, and looking after financial matters is not a caregiver. It is a very important duty and it is very helpful but it falls more into the category of POA.
I think my question that I posted PROVES that there is fear about not being cared for because there is such a range of emotion on this topic.
I hope when the time gets closer, you will reconsider and allow "strangers" to help bathe, dress and provide meals for you. This is what they are trained to do and there are many caring individuals out there. I remember years ago my mother always said she would never burden her kids with having to care for her and she wanted to go into a home but then when the time arrived last year, she was more than happy to allow me to care for her. I am more fortunate than many on here as my mum is in a position to pay me a salary. I would not have been able to be her caregiver otherwise, because I have to make a living .. I have no spouse.
Even if my question about having to face your own fears about who is going to care for you doesn't provide all the answers, I hope it will get people thinking and planning for their future!

Sorry, Macada, I didn't make myself very clear. I should have said YOUR question was Have you had to face your own fears about who is going to care for you? and MY answer was yes. I just want to keep this thread going because I need support in dealing with my fear of having no one there for me. I want anyone and everyone's thoughts and support and I don't care about caregiver/POA labels. Thanks everyone!

stevensmom.. I understand your fears .. truly. That is why I hope you won't "shut the door" on having someone you don't know care for you in the future. I'm not from the states, I'm from Canada. Everyone is cared for financially when they need to go into a home but it is that in between stage that I always worry about, I will need care at home before I need to go into a care facility or if my memory goes will I forget to turn off the oven or forget meds. Things like that, I try not to worry too much about the future but I think it is important for all of us to think about it and make as many decisions as possible in advance.

To answer your question is yes I have fears about being cared for in my very elderly years. Yes I faced those fears by planning financially for the future, but living for today. I am not a custodial caregive, but I do help my mother with driving her to where she needs to go and providing meals she would not normally make for herself. I also worry about my three adult children wanting to help take care of me when I do not want that for them. I want my children to enjoy the good in life and not be hindered with responsibilities of caring for me. Who knows, I could die before I would need to be cared for. So, basically I face my fear knowing life is too short and just enjoy each day as it comes.

I find it ironic that so many people worry about being a burden to their children. It's unfortunate that getting old and needing help is considered a burden. If our children needed help or became disabled we would be there for them no matter what we had to do. For myself, I have one child (living), who would probably stick me in a county nursing home and visit twice a year, their would be no option of my living with her family or her with me. On the other hand, my mother is 85, has Alzheimer's and is in an assisted living, my sister and I take turns visiting her every other day and I consider myself fortunate that I have this time with her. Granted, other people are doing her care, I work full time and she can't be left alone. She is not a burden, she also didn't ask to get old or have Alzheimer's.

I'm going to find Willy Nelson and smoke with him and get me some braids going on, tye dyes and listen to a lot of Grateful Dead.

That's the best solution I've heard so far. I love Willie, saw him last month in concert. He is not stopping until he falls over. He golfs every week, has a black belt, runs/walks on a regular basis and has a wife, 7 kids, and enough money to have people take care of him 24/7.

There is no comparison between caring for children and an elderly parent(s). Having children is a choice, caring for an elderly parent is a duty out of love and respect for the aging process. The care for an elderly person is completely different than caring for children. Elderly people have had a lifetime of independence, caring for themselves physically, emotionally and financially. Then they lose that independence and being the caregiver of someone who is losing the independence that they have always known, is emotionally and physically exhausting and challenging.

Last night, I had to drive myself to the emergency room due to a kidney stone. Only good thing is that I didn't have to worry about not having someone to take care of my parents while I was gone. Just a little taste of what's coming, I guess.
Going right now to drink some more water :)

I have this problem too. I'm a bit afraid but I think I'll have to have really good friends or just one friend to trust. I won't have enough $$ to go into a "community" and I think that's the only problem. Too bad we don't live in a country that values people all through their lives and helps them live when they get older with pride and comfort. But the whole society would have to be reorganized and today we seem to have so many people (and lawmakers/lawdestroyers) who are extremely selfish despite their professed religiosity and contempt for those who aren't like them. We need stronger government programs not further destruction of our "safety net'.

Wow- I think about this everyday. I was the guardian for my Uncle but it helped him out a great deal before that. I also spent a great deal of my Mom who was 89 and had health issues but lived in a great deal of pain because she had severe artheritis in every part of her body.I tried to be supportive to both of them because I did not ever want them to think they were alone. I come from a big family but they don't all share my ideas or feelings about being there for any one else. I lost my Uncle in May and my mother less than a month later in June. I am really afraid of who will care for me. I am single with no children and my siblings would not help me out much. I have considering finding myself a nice little elderly friendly place to move to someday. I am 59 but have to keep working so it will be some time from now but if I find this place I will be sure to let you know!