Have you had to face your own fears about who is going to look after you?

Yes, I am in the same boat as you. I figured I would move to a senior community, maybe find some roommates and live like the Golden Girls. There's no reason that we old girls can't look out for each other.

Yes, I sometimes worry about this as I have no children. I have spoken to my niece and I don't really have confidence that she will be there for me so I have written my will so that my bank will be executor for my estate and that I will live with care givers until I must move to a facility, should I live that long. The fees are stiff to have a non-family executor, but I feel OK that I will be looked after.

My health is so-so, and I think I worry more about not outlasting my Mom.

OneMoreDay .. an executor is the person(s) who look after your estate after you die, the Power of Attorney is who looks after you while you are still alive.

I don't have children either. People ask me all the time who is going to take care of me when I'm old. I have taken care of and still caring for parents and in-laws. I wouldn't wish that job on anyone! I do not want to be a burden on anyone!! Get a good advisor and do your paperwork. I will live in a senior home if unable to live on my own, although I hope to be a Golden Girl like JessieBelle :-)

What JessieBelle said. lol That's how I've always imagined things, too... :)

Whether your single or married, with or without kids, I think if you are female you have to plan on being by yourself if you live to late 80's or beyond. Being by yourself doesn't mean being alone and really you have to work to create new friends and interests as you age. It's important to - as KyCaregiver said - get a good advisor and do your paperwork.

Yoga, tai chi or pilates helps too!

Im going to take a big shot of heroin at the age of 70

igloo572 ,, I have always lived by myself and loved it, but the day is going to come when we need care and the choice of being on our own is not an option. I am going to try and pre-plan as much as possible I guess.

I'm with Jodysgirl. I have no kids, no money saved for a nice retirement community or anything close and I don't want to end up in some state run facility waiting for death to come and release me. I will take matters into my own hands.

Macada,
You are so right! I have the bank representative to take care of both.

Same here, but I have severe depression. I'm trying to figure out a way to take care of my Mom in another State. Neither of us have much money. Like Kedwards460, I will have to take matters into my own hands when the time comes. Roommate is not an option.

Well, I am 54 and have no children,also I am an only child.After reading these comments I think in about 20yrs there is going to be an epidemic of seventy something women committing suicide.

I honestly hope some of these responses don't happen. I have spent many years in the geriatric care field and usually when people get into their seventies psychologically they don't feel that they have reached old age yet and in fact the seventies are now still rather young as people these days are living into their nineties. For those who are talking about ending their life in their seventies, I believe (hopefully) that you will have a change of heart and find a better alternative.

im trying to simplify my life right now. living in the basement of my own home, have a renter upstairs. have thrown away everything but my clothes and tools / equiptment. im the opposite of a hoarder but just as crazy. aint going to live surrounded by plastic chinese crap. my son envisions a hardy row someday with his older brother when my estate of 10 bandanas and 5 beard berets is divided.

No. I don't need to. If I'm ever diagnosed with Alz, I off myself before I totally lose it. The end. I'd rather be dead than live with that, or put it on anybody else, especially my kids, through it.

I have a 65 yr. old friend who is recovering from a brain injury. She has her husband to care for her (on FMLA) and good financial resources. But that's it, people are either too busy, sick themselves, too elderly to help, or just don't want to help. People they thought were friends didn't even visit her once in the hospital. Let's face what our society has become, your really on your own. Insurance doesn't cover a lot of necessary care. If you don't have money or someone able to really care for you, your really stuck in horrendous situation. Yes, it did scare me about if that would happen to me.

I heard from here from others to try n have long-term insurance if u can afford it. a nice retirement place sound great of course along the beach front. ;)

I wonder about this too. I have on daughter. She lives 1000 miles away and is not all that receptive to taking care of people. I don't have much money and wouldn't be able to go to a nice assisted living center. I have step children. But why write about them, they don't even send their dad a birthday card. My niece lives a mile away from me and completely ignores me all the time. My sister wouldn't take the time to walk across the street to see me, so I am sure she would be out. I have some nice friends in my church. Esp a young couple who look after people. I used to worry about this but now try to go one moment at a time.

Why do people keep thinking having adult children are the key to taking care of them? I am a sandwich generation adult child. I raised my children and saw my parents enjoy their early senior years. Why should I not enjoy my early seniors years? My parents did not have to worry about caring for their parents, their lives were not not prolonged by modern medicine. Should I have to sacrifice what I worked so hard for to care for my elderly parents? All I want is to be able to enjoy the life my own parents were able to have in their early senior years. I am fed up with hearing the sandwich generation has responsibilites for their elderly parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will definitely not commit suicide. God will work out a plan somehow.

My siblings all died young. I'm left to take care of my Mother. Yes, I feel it is my responsibility. She took care of her Mother. No one else will. It's hard because I'm out-of-state, disabled, and poor. She doesn't have a lot of money either. I feel we should take care of one another because no stranger in a facility will nor can give the kind of (emotional) care one would need or desire.

Debralee.. you sound so angry for someone who is not caring for their elderly parent(s) This is a forum for people who ARE caregivers to their parents and/or husbands. How is it you feel you are a sandwich generation child if you are not caring for your parents? That's what sandwich generation means. Perhaps your anger is actually guilt for not making any attempt to be a caregiver I don't know, but I still am confused as to why you are even commenting on the Agingcare forum if you have no intention of being a caregiver.

Not easy, even if you have kids. After we've been caregivers, we know what a burden it can be. My daughter already told me that she plans to look after her dad (we're divorced), and my son is recently divorced and trying to get his own life together.

Hey, Captain, can I send you a Christmas tree and about 300 ornaments and decorations? Maybe some Tupperware? How about some decorative vases and planters? Please! My mom has a basement full of stuff that we've been trying to get rid of for 5 years. She says she is moving to independent living when she is 80; she's 78 now, but is not willing to let anything go. Each time I go for a visit, I try to "liberate" a few things by telling her I know someone who needs them.

I hope we can keep this thread going, because I am also in the same situation of having no one to care for me. I'm not so worried about where I'll live, etc., but who will be there for emotional support? I don't want to end up alone in a nursing home, but I have an adopted disabled son to live for. He lives in his own supported living apartment, but I am the only family he has, too. Peace and good wishes to everyone....

I have also planned and have enough money to take care of me, but I don't want to go through what my Mother is going through. Here is this 92 year old, once-vibrant woman who had her own business, raised 4 children and is now dependent on 2 of those children for everything. She sometimes cries because she can't remember how to do something as simple as turning on the dishwasher and doesn't know why. She gets confused and doesn't know why. Can't remember something from minute-to-minute. She just sits and says, why has God left me live this long. It's time for me to go. We are kinder to animals than we are to people.

I do not want to go through that. I've been single w/no children all my life. Being that, I've seen how you don't realize the dementia is creeping up on your. After Mother dies I'll take all the trips I've wanted to take, but delayed them. I'm now 66. Last year I had a cardiac stent put in and I know it was from my smoking. I quit and am in great health now. However, when I'm about 75 I'm moving to Washington or Oregon, both of which have legal assisted-suicide, with my friend who is also single w/no children and been super moral support for me through this. I'm going to start smoking again and refuse a stent and hope I die quick of a heart attack, plus we are going to buy guns to shot each other, I think God will understand.

In this forum, who hasn't? At 53, I'm already thinking about moving to Oregon during my golden years. Rumor has it there's assisted suicide. My sons recently asked me whether I'd like to be buried or cremated. I told them neither. They gave me a "stuck-on-stupid" look. I said I'd like to be recycled. As an organ donor, whatever happens to the rest of my carcass doesn't matter. Columbia-Presbyterian might pickle some of my parts for posterity and wannabe doctors to play with; and the City of New York might use some as fertilizer.

As I said in an earlier post, I don't want to live past 80. Any longer than that would be just ... wrong.

Yes, over the past year since my mom went into a nursing home and has Alzheimer's. I have had to grieve for her, do all her financial work, and worry about what will happen to me if I am in that situation. My mom had 5 kids but my sister and I do almost everything. I have two children, but I know that if I were in my mom's condition, they could not really take care of me and lead a life. I am looking into long term care insurance but you have to be healthy to get it! And it is expensive and you have to pay it the rest of your life. What if I don't have the money to pay the premiums when I am older? It is a difficult situation. What if your mind is too gone to take matters into your own hands?
It is only going to get worse as the baby boomers age. Good luck to us all.
I guess the best you can do is to see an elder lawyer and plan the best you can.

Dear KYCaregiver:
I also have no children - by choice, in my case. I get angry at people who bring a child into the world "so there will be someone to take care of me in my old age." That's a horribly selfish reason to give birth! There is no guarantee that the child will outlive you or that they will be responsible enough, or healthy enough, to be able to take part in your elder care. I agree with Macada....pre-planning is the best option for us. If we live long enough, we ALL get to the point where we can longer take care of ourselves.

Hey, Eddie: I'm with you on that one! Also, I think that assisted-suicide-by-choice should be an option for everyone after 80 with no shame or legal ramifications.

If medical science continues to artificially extend our life expectancy, who is going to care for all of these 100+-old persons? Who will foot the bill? I know it sounds heartless, but there will eventually have to be strict rationing of healthcare to the very elderly, because it is a poor use of resources (for example) to give a kidney transplant to a 90-year-old when there are not enough kidneys to go around to the 30-year-olds who need them.

Macada:
Being a "caregiver" does not necessarily mean that the person has to live under your same roof. I lived 3 states away from my elderly father with dementia and realized it would be less traumatic to put him in assisted living in the region where he grew up, in his own state. However, I had to single-handedly take care of everything - his finances, his medical coordination, his legal papers, his house sale, give away his possessions, etc. Because he already had some dementia when my mother suddenly dropped dead of a heart attack, I also had to take care of all of HER stuff in addition. It was, in some ways, actually MORE work to do all of that than it would have been to just move dad to where I was living. So, I was most certainly a "caregiver" even though dad was not under my roof - and it occupied a lot of my life for the last 3 years of HIS life.