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Am an only child of a father that is 99years old who has dementia and alz for the past 9 years. Through years of therapy, because of panic attacks anxiety, and depression, I have realized that my father was emotionally abusive and negligent even when I was an extreme nth young child.

Mom passed 10 years ago and my father came to live with me. I have cared for him in my home, developed dementia and alz. I am a single woman who cared for him at home and working half time. Wonderful help from the Alz association and Sprinwell. Finally, because of safety reason , I had to places him in a nursing home. The first 3 months were traumatic for him and me. He would call me up to 6 times a day to come home. He would have temper tantrums over the phone. I would start shaking and I developed panic attacks again. I hired a geriatric care manager through the alz assoc. to keep tabs how he is doing in the nursing home.
My father is in stage 7 of the disease.

What do you do with people who are so judge mental even when it is not their business. I thought she was a really great neighbor and now I will never feel the same. People don't understand that they may not have the whole story.

I have been grieving my father and his disease. I am also grieving the father that I never had.

Thanks to all of you for reading this! My best to you all and I live by the words that 'Everyday is a gift!'

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"Good fences make good neighbors" - maybe you can put up a mental one.
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Family members are extremely judgmental about all these, why would we expect neighbors to be understanding? Do what you can to ignore the neighbor and realize that it's none of that person's business, anyway. As someone else suggested, if the neighbor isn't there doing part of the work, they don't deserve an opinion on the matter.
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On another note, did you neighbor really like your father, and now is upset that he is no longer there?
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While reading your post and all the answers I was reminded of a song from an old classic musical. (Oklahoma) I always loved this part. "I'd like to teach you all a little saying. And learn the words by heart the way you should. I don't think I'm no better than anybody else..... But I'll be danged that I ain't just as good!"
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You cannot live worried about what others think.
Neighbor is likely projecting this own issues. Ignore him.
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The whys for this neighbor's behavior are not important. You have been a wonderful daughter to someone who was less than a parent to you. Do not waste anytime bothering about this woman. Now is the time to take care of yourself and find enjoyment day to day. You do not need people with her attitude in your life. Best wishes.
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She won't acknowlege your presence? How do you know it's because of your father? Did she tell you that? Was she friendly to you before you put your father in a nursing home? I'd say she wasn't a very good friend to begin with. IKd just go on waving to her and calling out a cherry "hello" whenever you see her outside. That makes it clear that she's the one being a jerk, not you.
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When that neighbor comes to do an 8 hour shift caregiving dad three days a week, every week of the year, THEN she gets to have an opinion on any of this.

Otherwise, this woman can stuff it. How nervy to make your problems about her. I mean, how much more selfish can somebody get? I cut off every single person who had opinions and no willingness to help a long time ago. Forget them and don't look back.
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caalimenti, you did the right thing putting your Dad into a nursing home. Sounds like your neighbor wanted you to continue to care for your Dad at your home. Your neighbor probably never had to do that type of Caregiving work so she has no idea what people go through. Don't you love it when non-caregivers give you advice or make rude comments :0

If she says anything again, just tell her that 1 out of every 3 Caregiver passes away leaving behind their love one, those are terrible odds.... you didn't want that to happen to your Dad.
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Jessie, I'm thinking like as you do.... Her father is now in nursing home, but she's still having stress out and emotionally no support from anyone....I do trying to understand this poster. When I'm home and talk to my friend about my client, he simply says TMI(too much info)., he does understand my nature of job,but not too many are wearing our hats or shoes, so come to AC and vents!!!

caalimenti, please find some enjoyment for yourself...
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Was your neighbor upset about your father's being at your home or upset because he had to go to a nursing home? I had trouble piecing that together. Either way, your neighbor isn't much of a friend. I would just let it go.
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Im sorry your going through this and you have been wonderful to your dad. Your right that not everyone knows the whole story, they see the brief loving moments form what your dad wanted them to see. Why would any family want to tell everyone about any problems going on? I also understand this because my grandfather has told my neighbors his side of things..example: we offer food and he throws it out telling neighbors he hasnt eaten or we didnt remind him it was there or the food was horrible. Hey, Im no chef but its edible! Showed he loves everyone but deep down is really prejudice, and soo many more examples but I wont continue. I have been put down as well by the neighbors...getting along? I have to bite my tongue and be little miss friendly because of grandpa etc...

My point is, I understand about neighbors! I wish the best for you and your dad, and sorry for the loss of your mom. You are in my thoughts and please stay strong.
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Caali, ignore the judgers of the world. Or quote scripture to the, judge not lest ye be judged. Smile and say," well, I guess we'll have to agree to disagree about this. Unless you're volunteering to care for him?" You know that you're doing the right thing and so do we.
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