Does anyone have experience with Adult Protective Services?

Staaarrr, if your brother is like mine, he just assumes his wife "will take care of it". Your bro's assumption is probably that "someone else - i.e. YOU - will organize it". A Medicaid Managed Long Term Care Plan requires someone to, well, MANAGE it. You, your cousin, whoever can also refuse to give her a ride from the nursing home to her house. If your brother is organizing her discharge, brother can arrange her transport and for someone to meet her there. Nursing homes are reluctant to release someone as an unsafe discharge. Tell the nursing home that you are NOT available to provide the 24 hour support management for your mother. Your brother may have told your mother that you volunteered or the nursing home that family will do the heavy lifting at home. Tell your family members that you are not available to manage the day-to-day care for your mother. And then go on a trip from May 29 to June 5. Just to make sure you don't have it dumped on you. Take care.

I agree 1000% with Guestshops wise advice. It this plan can't be stopped - get yourself as far away as possible around the date of this train wreck - least you be hit by flying debris.

I hope this isn't a stupid question- but has your brother actually seen your mother recently- does he get what condition your mother is in?

My brother was in denial about my moms condition - especially the dementia, for quite a while. Finally, he said to me "I'll believe it when I see it in writing". - So I got him a copy of the report made by the geriatric psychiatrist- and that was the end of him fighting me and giving me grief for the tough decisions that had to be made.

Agree. Tell your brother you hope he has a plan or arranged for home assistance for mom because you don't agree with his decision and will not support or help mom once she is home.

Secondly, call or meet with NH social worker vs APS and tell them your concerns as well that mom will have no family, friend, or neighbor support and only brother is available and advise that they meet with brother with their discharge plan so that he understands responsibilities.

That's all you can do. As much as it kills you, don't prop mom up or help. If mom calls or others call u about mom, give them brothers phone number and tell them to call him or 911.

I don't understand how brother is getting long term care if mom is in NH unless it was just rehab.

My cousin and I have both refused to drive her home. My brother saw her Saturday for the first time in 6 weeks. He doesn't care if she will be stuck at home..... I am sure he feels someone else will pick up the pieces. I have told him and the rest of my family that I am being transferred to another state and will be gone June 10. That has not deterred either of them. It is craziness. I have told the nursing home social worker that I will not be available to support her with any help. They are aware of this.
My mom was in rehab then moved to long term while applying for Medicaid. Once they did the assessment, they MLTC will only give her 26 hours of home care... which isn't enough. I told them I was out of it and would not support her going home. My brother is pressing on.

I would be gone around June 1, not 10. In narcissistic minds you will set it all up in the 10 days before you go. Block phone. I am sorry you are facing it.

Rainmom... ironic that you call it a train wreck. When talking about the situation over the past year (this has been going on a while), I have said it is like watching a train about to crash and being powerless to stop it. I have been going to therapy and know that I have done my best to keep her safe and that there is only so much I can control. I'm thinking the best answer here is to not answer the phone come June 1.

There is no inheritance. My mom has been poor and disabled all her life. I honestly don't know what is driving him. He just insists on sending her home. I spoke with the social worker at the nursing home today and she said she had spoken to my brother. She explained that he will have to accept responsibility and sign off that he will be there for her in order to discharge her home. He said he "isn't able to do that, but hopefully some other family members can." Exactly what I thought. He plans on getting her home and then dumping it all one me. I almost lost my job trying to care for her last year... I am unwillingly to go back to that life of worry and horror.

JoAnn29, yes I made the social worker aware of this. I also made her aware of the fact that when my mother was home falling and unstable, I had gotten her home care who told me my mother needed 24/7 supervision and that they would be referring the case to her primary care physician who ordered home care and let him know he needed to get Adult Protective Services involved. The only reason that didn't happen is the next day she was in the hospital after falling three times and that is when she entered the current rehab/nursing home she is in now.


The social worker also spoke to the Medicaid consulting firm that has been "guiding" my brother through the process. I blasted the consulting firm because it was clear they were not explaining the process and that he cannot just send her home in a cab. They sent this email yesterday. Hopefully, this opens his eyes and he stops with the BS.

Subject: discharge
To: George

Hi George. I just left you a voicemail. I spoke with Amanda, the social worker at your mom's nursing home. She stated that she explained to you that you have to sign mom out on the day of discharge. We also want to make you aware that since your sister does NOT want involvement, you MUST SIGN, all paperwork and be responsible not only with the nursing home, but with Integra and also the home care agency that the aide will come from will also request that you sign. If the aide does not show up, gets stuck in traffic, etc, someone has to be there to care for mom.

This is a serious issue and you must understand what you are doing. If you cannot agree to the above, the nursing home cannot safely sign her discharge plan and mom will not be discharged.

Please call Amanda to discuss the discharge plan before Tuesday

Sincerely,
Michele, CMP

Wow staaarr - I wish we could understand why people do what they do! You've been given some good advice and it's obvious this isn't your first time around the block. Hopefully this will work out the way you see fit. Stand strong - I know how hard it is to watch.