After 5 years of her rages, threats and oppression at 54 years of age I am finally evicting my mother. She won't leave on her own. This morning, she flew into one of her rages and threatened me. Threats are commonplace. I walk on eggshells in my very own home. She dared me to call the police and I did. They came to my home along with EMS and she voluntarily went to the hospital for examination. The police noted how remarkably calm she was. Well of course, she knows how to turn it off and on..... she has NPD! The police said you will have to pick her up from the hospital, like in any century my mother would be rational enough for that to happen. She arrived home (who knows how) walked in and promptly threatened me...... again. I told her; you realize you have to move, right?!? She said, I will have to push her out and that will take a while because she talked to the police. She pays a few small bills (her choice) and she told me she was putting them in my name on Monday. I know there is a moratorium in evictions because of this stupid pandemic. Technically, because I feel unsafe. I would think I could apply for an EPRO. I am trying to evict her in the least aggressive manner. She doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together and wastes what little money she does have. She was a Jehovah Witness for decades and they tell everyone not to get an education or save for your retirement because the end of the world is coming. She used to gloat how she was going to be saved and everyone else including me was going to be destroyed. Typical of NPD behaviour she is going to engage in a smear campaign against me. I have a high profile career, so she can do a lot of damage. I am walking on eggshells and terrified of the next 30, 60 and 90 days. She always says to me....that she wants her revenge, she wants her pound of flesh. I have a dog and worry about his safety. I am going to an attorney on Monday and find out what I can do, to move forward. Why would anyone think they can stay in your house for free and abuse you?? Why would they want to live like that themselves with all the tension and hostility??
See the attorney tomorrow and follow her/his advice.
Just want to confirm that you know that eviction is an actual legal process? The actual process may differ from state to state. In my state you need to fill out a form and pay a fee, then post the eviction notice on the person's residence for 30 days. After that time period I believe she can be forcibly removed, but be aware that the police may be hesitant to get physical with an elderly woman. Also, it may make it easier to get her out if she has a place to land, so maybe find out if there's a woman's shelter they can take her to or help her apply for section 8 housing. Otherwise she may just decide to hang out in front of your house. Wondering if you can file for a restraining order? Recommend motion-detection flood lights and security cameras so you can have proof of her antics, if she goes there. I wish you all the best and healing from the abuse.
I read you response and I would like for you to know "a cult is not a church,"
If you think that she will interfere with your career you should be proactive and speak with your human resources personnel and your boss. Find out how to stop her from making good on her threats. Damage control is easier before the situation takes place.
I am so sorry that she condemned you to perish based on religion. It is not biblical and we should never use the word of God to take people down, only to lift them up, lest we fall ourselves.
Good luck with the attorney and getting her out right away. A protective order is a good idea.
Can someone keep your dog until she is gone? I would not be stopped if someone intentionally hurt my dog. They would not be able to do it again, so I would do everything in my power to circumvent the situation.
You have gone above and beyond with helping her, it is time to stop accepting her abuse and move on with your life. No excuse for abuse, ever!
Also contact an attorney to discuss eviction procedures. You will want to have all your i’s dotted and t’s crossed.
I am 71 I am capable of caring for myself. Unless Mom has physical challenges, she can take care of herself. If you can evict her, then I would get APS involved and have them find a place for Mom. Let the State take over her care. Tell them you wash your hands of her because she is a threat. Always, she is a threat. Because it takes you so long to commute, I would consider moving closer to work. Do not give the post office a forwarding address. The only people who need to know where u live are the Utility people and you can always go online or call to get your balance owing from the old address. I would actually get a POBox. Then you can't be traced. Post offices are not allowed to give out addresses. Disappear. You owe her or your brother nothing. 54 is not too old to find love. Change your phone number.
Sorry, her behavior is atrocious and she has created the consequences by intentionally being destructive to the one person that has helped.
Stay Strong
However, isn't NPD considered a mental illness?
It's cold outside and I would hate to throw someone in the streets who may not be able to help themselves.
There are so many homeless people here that have a mental illness and they are not receiving any help. They don't even have the ability to go through the channels to get the help they need.
It's so sad.
If it were me, in my humble opinion, I would guide her the steps and then let her be.
My youngest daughter was dating a young man while in college that had issues. Of course, he was charming at first until his true colors surfaced.
She did eventually have to get a restraining order on him. He did hurt her little dog and caused the dog to lose his eyesight in one eye. Fortunately, one of my daughter’s neighbors was a policeman who kept an extra eye on her apartment because she was afraid that he would try and break into her apartment.
My daughter was heartbroken about her dog. She was afraid for herself and her friends. She got a great attorney and they had enough proof to get a restraining order.
I can tell you the animal abuse, him trying to choke her, stalking her and her friends, attacking new guys that she dated, destroying her property, he attempted suicide and threatening to kill her was concrete proof in her case.
He left her a note at her work saying that if she did not reconcile with him that he would kill himself. My daughter immediately called his father. His father is a policeman and tracked him through his cell phone. When police arrived on the scene he wanted them to kill him. They tazed him and brought him to a mental hospital where he was evaluated.
You’ve got reasons to be concerned. Be careful. Collect data. Keep in contact with your attorney. Watch your back. People who are mentally ill carry out their threats.
I am so sorry that you are in this horrible situation. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Best wishes to you. You are doing the right thing by separating yourself from her.
My daughter has a friend who had a mom with NPD. Charming, flamboyant, abusive... Forged daughter's signature on a lease costing daughter much money in legal and rental fees.
Woman finally got evicted from her apartment for non-payment of rent. Daughter worked long distance with social services to get mom into a nice AL that accepted Medicaid vouchers. Mom left to try to get to a hospital in another borough where she was sure they could "cure" her. Ended up dying in a homeless shelter.
There are some people you can't help.
So, don't you do to your mom what she did to you. OK?
I'm sorry for what you are going through. I really am.
Let me say this. A lot of things in life or not by choice. Your mother did not choose to have NPD. Somewhere along life pathways have affected your mother. So, this is where she is at in life now. It's sad.
Please don't beat her down because of it. Besides, evil for evil is always wrong.
No, I am not making excuses for her but it is what it is.
I would say, your mom needs help. Don't evict her whereas she will be homeless and helpless. Get her the help she needs first.
At least "You will know you did the best you could do for her."
Yes, I am pretty good with loving and caring for all types of people. It doesn't matter to me.
It doesn't matter to me how they are, I love them anyway.
Besides, for some reason, they are always good with me.
It doesn’t matter one iota if the person abusing you has a mental illness. You are not called to be her doormat.
Lady, you are one step ahead of this game because you absolutely know that you don’t deserve abuse. Good for you!
Thanks for setting a healthy example of not being a martyr or masochist. Let us know when this nightmare is behind you and we will celebrate your independence from the h*ll you have been in.
Best wishes to you and your future.
Abused has an update post today after her trip to her Lawyer.
What have I stated in my comment that you find offensive and very unkind? Is it possible because I stated I love everyone regardless of how they are?
You asked if I am implying that the OP is deserving of the abuse she has experienced. NO, Absolutely not. How do you imagine to come with such a theory? If you will read my earlier post, it simply states, "No, the daughter does not deserve any abuse."
Yes, I am on this forum to support caregivers just like anyone else. Just because my response may not be the same as someone else, does not mean I am insulting.
You have not read anywhere in any of my responses that I have indicated to the OP that she should just accept the abuse.
Keep in mind, if OP is caring for her mother, then her mother obviously is dependent upon someone for help. I don't look at things one sided.
So some suggested "just evict her." I am not arguing but simply suggesting, "please don't just evict her to the streets."
You seem to think that you could manage this difficult situation better than OP. Please explain what you would actually DO. Otherwise it seems like unrealistic criticism, which is not what is needed.
That is so sad, the loneliness. I'm glad you at least have a dog. It's a comfort having a loyal loving creature who always will be by your side.
On another note, good for you for taking a stand. I myself is abandoning ship. I am giving myself 8 months to move out...if I had the money I would have left 2 weeks ago. I will not be carrying for my mother anymore. I don't know what will happen to her, but I made a promise to myself right after I moved in "I will care for my mother until I can no longer do it. If my physical, mental, or emotional health becomes endanger than I "must & will" put myself first." That time has come!
We all have our breaking points and it looks like you found yours & I found mine.
Good luck to you and I am sending you many hugs.