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After 5 years of her rages, threats and oppression at 54 years of age I am finally evicting my mother. She won't leave on her own. This morning, she flew into one of her rages and threatened me. Threats are commonplace. I walk on eggshells in my very own home. She dared me to call the police and I did. They came to my home along with EMS and she voluntarily went to the hospital for examination. The police noted how remarkably calm she was. Well of course, she knows how to turn it off and on..... she has NPD! The police said you will have to pick her up from the hospital, like in any century my mother would be rational enough for that to happen. She arrived home (who knows how) walked in and promptly threatened me...... again. I told her; you realize you have to move, right?!? She said, I will have to push her out and that will take a while because she talked to the police. She pays a few small bills (her choice) and she told me she was putting them in my name on Monday. I know there is a moratorium in evictions because of this stupid pandemic. Technically, because I feel unsafe. I would think I could apply for an EPRO. I am trying to evict her in the least aggressive manner. She doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together and wastes what little money she does have. She was a Jehovah Witness for decades and they tell everyone not to get an education or save for your retirement because the end of the world is coming. She used to gloat how she was going to be saved and everyone else including me was going to be destroyed. Typical of NPD behaviour she is going to engage in a smear campaign against me. I have a high profile career, so she can do a lot of damage. I am walking on eggshells and terrified of the next 30, 60 and 90 days. She always says to me....that she wants her revenge, she wants her pound of flesh. I have a dog and worry about his safety. I am going to an attorney on Monday and find out what I can do, to move forward. Why would anyone think they can stay in your house for free and abuse you?? Why would they want to live like that themselves with all the tension and hostility??

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In most states, the moratorium on eviction is ONLY for non-payment of rent.

See the attorney tomorrow and follow her/his advice.
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I am all for the cameras. If she does physically threaten u again call the police and tell them she is not to return to your home because you are afraid for your and your dogs lives. Call the hospital and tell them you refuse to let her come back to your house. That the State will need to step in. Again saying that you are afraid for your life. If she still finds away back, don't let her in, call the police and say she is a threat.

I am 71 I am capable of caring for myself. Unless Mom has physical challenges, she can take care of herself. If you can evict her, then I would get APS involved and have them find a place for Mom. Let the State take over her care. Tell them you wash your hands of her because she is a threat. Always, she is a threat. Because it takes you so long to commute, I would consider moving closer to work. Do not give the post office a forwarding address. The only people who need to know where u live are the Utility people and you can always go online or call to get your balance owing from the old address. I would actually get a POBox. Then you can't be traced. Post offices are not allowed to give out addresses. Disappear. You owe her or your brother nothing. 54 is not too old to find love. Change your phone number.
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abusedbymom Nov 2020
Thank you so much for your supportive words!!! It actually made me cry. User: Haileybug has sent multiple messages condemning me, which is so very hurtful. When I have done everything for my mother all the other members of my family. When no one else was there for them. It's taken a huge toll on my health and my own mental state of being. I could lose everything because of the mental torture. I literally fantasize about faking my own death and just disappearing! She never took care of me growing up, so why do I feel so obligated?
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Good luck to you, OP. You got this. You are strong, caring and compassionate. You are NOT a human punching bag and you don’t have to take anyone’s abuse PERIOD! You do not owe your mother anything. Your safety and your metal health are what is important here. Take care of yourself! If the eviction process takes too long, a protective order will get her out now IF you qualify for one. Good luck to you, we are all here to support you!
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You should call the police EVERY SINGLE TIME, that she threatens you.

If you think that she will interfere with your career you should be proactive and speak with your human resources personnel and your boss. Find out how to stop her from making good on her threats. Damage control is easier before the situation takes place.

I am so sorry that she condemned you to perish based on religion. It is not biblical and we should never use the word of God to take people down, only to lift them up, lest we fall ourselves.

Good luck with the attorney and getting her out right away. A protective order is a good idea.

Can someone keep your dog until she is gone? I would not be stopped if someone intentionally hurt my dog. They would not be able to do it again, so I would do everything in my power to circumvent the situation.

You have gone above and beyond with helping her, it is time to stop accepting her abuse and move on with your life. No excuse for abuse, ever!
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Dear Abused by Mom;

My daughter has a friend who had a mom with NPD. Charming, flamboyant, abusive... Forged daughter's signature on a lease costing daughter much money in legal and rental fees.

Woman finally got evicted from her apartment for non-payment of rent. Daughter worked long distance with social services to get mom into a nice AL that accepted Medicaid vouchers. Mom left to try to get to a hospital in another borough where she was sure they could "cure" her. Ended up dying in a homeless shelter.

There are some people you can't help.
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AlvaDeer Nov 2020
This is so true. Not everything can be fixed. And some things cannot be lived with. We all have individual limitations, and have to decide for ourselves what they are. My brother spent the last 10 years of his 85 entangled with someone actually diagnosed with this, and add "Histrionic PD" and alcoholism. It honestly made a nervous wreck of my bro as he became the "co" of this person. He did move away from living with him, but could never bring himself to abandon his ex partner as he descended into alcoholic encephalopathy, which he remains in to this day, getting his hands on any listerine or hand sanitizer he can find in his memory care. It is amazing the destructive power one person can have to those in their sphere. And sadly it is a living hell to themselves as well.
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My heart just breaks for you. My mother was Dx with NPD and I have lived with her abuse for 4.5 yrs. I think NPD people like chaos and destruction. In some weird way it makes them feel in control and perhaps human. I really don't see how, but to them it makes sense. Remember they don't see the world the way we do. People are nothing to them just "something" to use and abuse. NPD people "can not" be helped because they believe that they are smarter than everybody else...oh by the way, they also believe they are special.

On another note, good for you for taking a stand. I myself is abandoning ship. I am giving myself 8 months to move out...if I had the money I would have left 2 weeks ago. I will not be carrying for my mother anymore. I don't know what will happen to her, but I made a promise to myself right after I moved in "I will care for my mother until I can no longer do it. If my physical, mental, or emotional health becomes endanger than I "must & will" put myself first." That time has come!

We all have our breaking points and it looks like you found yours & I found mine.

Good luck to you and I am sending you many hugs.
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abusedbymom Nov 2020
Hugs to you!! She's lived with me 5 years, so it's interesting that we both really came to our breaking points around the same time. I can't deal with conflict, if someone is having a bad day and needs their space fine. But not constantly being upset about every single thing. I have to accept that this is the final end of our relationship. I hope you find a safe place mentally and physically for yourself soon, I know it's a difficult situation.
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Good. Do not let them return her to your home if her testing shows she is impaired. Hence they will not be able to just discharge her on her own devices and they will have to find placement for her. Do not agree to take her home. If they release her and she COMES home you will need that lawyer. But tell them you will not accept her back into your home, that you are not physically nor mentally able to cope with her and that you fear for your safety. Wishing you luck. Hoping you will update us.
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As far as the eviction moratorium, there are exceptions to it. The moratoriums really protect those who cannot pay their rent. If you have a local or state moratorium, read it carefully because you probably can evict your mother in this situation. If it comes down to it, there is what some consider to be a “dirty” way to get her out right now. The trick? Get a restraining order against her. That will keep her from coming back to the house. If she does the police can and will remove her. Good luck!
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"She is the last of immediate family members. Everyone else has passed. I feel very, very alone. "

That is so sad, the loneliness. I'm glad you at least have a dog. It's a comfort having a loyal loving creature who always will be by your side.
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You need to asap see a lawyer and work closely with her/him to dot all "i's" and cross all "t's" so that the eviction can go smoothly. Frankly this woman is mental and vicious. I'd board the dog with a friend and remove everything that has value to you from your house. And for sure remove any and all weapons. A nuisance, but better safe than sorry.
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