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Well, Dad has aways had an anger issue but now my husband has stared yelling me. This morning I was going to address them together but I awoke with a migrane. Dad is still trying to run a 200 acre ranch with little success. When I do give into him and help him with a repair, he yells at me and blames me for all that goes wrong. Now I noticed that my retired husband as started losing his temper with me over little things. I took the week off of work to work around the house but every time I asked my husband, he has yelled at me. I have spent more time with lately and tried to seperate myself from my fathers affairs only to find myself in a simular situation with my husband. What do have to do? Tell them both at the same time or seperate to stop taking their frustrations out on me?

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Separately. To speak to them together sounds like you lecturing 2 children...even if they do behave like one. The thing is when you tell them no more yelling at you, do you have a Consequence of what would happen if they Still Yell at you? It would be useless to have this talk and say, "I'm a grown woman and I expect to be shown respect by not being yelled at. I don't like it. So please stop yelling at me." or something similar. Yes, you stated that you don't like being yelled at but that never stopped a child from misbehaving. When you teach children, you also offer the consequences of their actions. Do you have that also planned out in your talk with them?

Once you state the consequence, be prepared for them to Not listen and still yet at you. Are you able to carry out the consequence? Useless if you cannot. It's called setting boundaries. And just like children, they will test the boundaries you set. And not just children..even employees test to see how far they can do before they get reprimanded by their supervisors. People will always test the parameters/rules set....Hope it works out for you.
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I hate getting yelled at. I hate having my husband yell in my direction, even when he isn't angry at me!

I heard a story once where a child said to the teacher, "Please don't yell at me. I don't yell at you!" That was one startled teacher!

Rather than a "discussion", I recommend saying, "The next time you blame me and yell at me, I'm going home. (or walking away for 5 minutes.) I don't like it when you yell, and I won't put up with it."

"You can yell as much as you want to. I'm just not going to stay here and listen to it!"

Then follow through. People, especially men, hate being lectured or explained to. Just "tell it like it is." Good luck. Some people do seem to yell a lot.
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misdirected anger..thats why your husband is getting snarly. men also get snarly when they have a bit of depression too. guys sometimes get hateful when situations are too emotional for them . either way it might pay to just explain calmly to your husband that hes being hateful to the person who cares about him the most. if that dont work put a price on his outbursts. when he treats you badly stop cooperating or doing for him till he yells uncle. hes manipulating you in a way. bullying to get you to comply with his wishes.
dad needs some tonka trucks and an ant farm or some young men or women employees to operate his menagerie. i wouldnt be interested in agriculture regardless of the profits.
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One down. Husband and I had a good talk and put all on the table. We are on the same page. I have been letting Dad handle his ranching by himself and I believe it finally dawned on him last night is it more than a one person, four hour a day job. He turns 83 tomorrow and not in the best health. Tonight we will have our heart to heart. I have tried this several times over the last five months with lttle success but I believe he has seen the light. I am not here to help him run the ranch but help him with the everyday struggles of getting older and living alone. Patience and prayers is a major key in raising a aging parent and many times we have to put our personal fellings aside. Thanks to this site for letting us at least have somewhere to vent and others that understand.

I'll report later the resultsnof tonights meeting of the minds.
God bless. 409 Ranch
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They yell at you because you allow it. Really. Tell them that behavior is not acceptable. When they do it again, you walk away from them. Draw emotional boundaries and stick to them.
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Tell them seperate, right after they yell at you. Calmly or yell but be firm, and say no more.
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i dont think a person with dementia is ever going to acknowlege that diagnosis. strange thing , but few mentally ill people are able to see their problem. rationality eludes them. you might be able to convince dad that hes in over his head where physical limitations are concerned tho.
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It's tough for everyone involved with aging parents, including the parent.. But at least you have some knowledge about what's been going on..

My advise to you if you haven't already is seek an Elder care Atty and make sure Dad's assets and medical wishes are in order. It will save you a lot of aggravation down the line.
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I'd say your husband has had enough and rather than tell you that, he's venting his anger in the form of yelling. I'm of the opinion that he needs an outlet all of his own to blow off steam. Whether it's golf, bowling, motorcycles, running, boxing etc. he needs to have some time to let it all out. Same goes for you.
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Short of getting him a full work-up, can you get him to agree to a safe driving test? They are run by AAA or AARP. Tell him that if he is really safe to drive, then he will pass the test with flying colors and it will ease your mind.

Attack the symptoms without naming the disease.
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