Ever receive or give those knowing looks in public?

Cheers for you Carolellen! Getting Mom out, Hooray. Getting support from others triple Hooray.
At 97, my Mom with dementia was in an assisted living facility for Memory care. I couldn't bare to leave her alone on Christmas so my husband and I picked her up and brought her to a hotel casual restaurant. (Couldn't bring her home due to access). The staff and restaurant server at this hotel, three cheers for them. We were greeted with Merry Christmas' from all. The waiter was so-o-o patient and she was treated with such respect. Mom still had a GREAT singing voice so before we departed I quietly suggested that we sing 'we wish you a Merry Christmas' to the team. She belted it out and they joined in. I still have that memory of her last Christmas.

Bless you carolellen for your efforts of support for your mother. Being a primary caretaker is very consuming and it sounds like you are doing a great job. I am mindful now to be that person who gives that knowing look to others simply because I know how positively impactful it is to receive it. I will always try to pay it forward. They are anonymous, but I remember them all. I too send out gratitude to them.

I’m glad you’re putting the effort into getting your mom out. It’s a job with my dad as well, not dementia but big challenges with mobility. He’s so frail that every outing takes a long time. It’s always nice when people are nice about it, and take a second to let me know they get it. My dad is also frequently rude, though he doesn’t see it, his doctors call it a loss of filters, it’s an extra blessing when people can kindly excuse this. Blessings to you as you take your mom out and blessings to those who are kind and understanding

One of my favorite memories is of the man who gave me a wink and a nod after I talked my DH through a very public meltdown. Made me feel really good.

Caregivers have a shared,knowing glance; it seems to say," I understand,we're in this together." This brief moments give me the extra momentum to complete our tasks.

Maybe I was just super sensitive, but I got just as many, if not more looks of "I am glad I am not you". Or those looks like it was somehow my fault my Mom was old and failing...For those that were compassionate looks or looks of understanding I am all the more truly grateful. Maybe it depends on where one lives...

Kudos to you Carolellen, and anyone who takes out their LO! They need the stimulation, even if the outing fails shortly thereafter and you know you need to go home! Most people catch on pretty quickly and are empathetic and I appreciate that, too. There are business cards that you can buy to hand out that state that your LO has memory problems, etc. Check with your local Council on Aging, or Google it. There are many varieties.

We have friends that have moved to FL and her dad lives near them in AL. During the summer he travels north and stays in a cabin on local lake next to his son & DIL. A small group of us make a point of taking “Dad” on outings. He loves the theater and a meal out. We always make sure to accommodate him with an end seat in case nature calls and take turns keeping track of him when intermission comes. The payback is his sharing stories of when he was young, of buildings and businesses that are no longer. He was very involved in the community and we have learned so much from him. It has also gotten us out more and has us looking forward to next summer when our “play date” returns. BTW he will be 90 in January and will be going on a cruise with his entire family (4 children & spouses, 5 grandchildren and spouses & 6 great grands) to celebrate.

I love when I take Ray out - everyone says, "hello young man" and he's 96.

People in general have been so supportive of me and I think it's because my DH is still here. They know I give it all I have to give.

I just posted this on another subject....
Although it doesn't always resolve the issue we are having personally, it is SO SO SO SO comforting...no, helpful...., not quite right, steadying....yea that's it! to read others in the same boat, struggling with the same issues and stressed about the same things. Maybe we each aren't all on our own island afterall. Thank you for this forum all of you special, incredible and amazing caregivers in your many forms....daughters, sons, wives, husbands, whoever you are including professionals!!! You've been my life saver more times than I can count. God speed to all of you and we WILL get through this and be OKAY. You're doing a fabulous job!

My mother thinks she's a social butterfly and puts on a real act when anyone takes her anywhere. A grocery shopping trip takes well over an hour--as she has to hug and kiss everybody in the store (she hasn't hugged me in, well, more than 40 years!). People are very kind to her, she suffers from slight dementia, but it's not noticeable to anyone outside the family. I am beyond humiliated when I am with her and she's flirting with the deli guy. But she's happy, she gets something out of these excursions and it HAS made me so much more compassionate when I see others out with their elderly folks. My mother is at least well behaved...I have seen some people have meltdowns and I really feel for their caregivers. Mother is just super poky and slow and I have to remember to take deep breaths and calm down. This is one of her only outlets. (And this will be me one day, too)

Yes I must say You All have contributed beautiful Posts. I brought My Late Mom for Restbite Care, Her first and I was so delighted because I was feeling exhausted and I really kneeded a good break as I had over two years of 24/7 with out a break. After only 22 hours the phone rang, and I knew.... The Nurse very nice and politely said " John I'm afraid Your Mom wandered off and She's feeling very uneasy as She asked for You to call to bring Her home.
I can not describe how disappointed I felt and I blasted and used every curse word I could think of on my way to collecting Mom. After about 15 minutes Mother was escorted out to Our motor car by two Nurses and two attendants. My first words to Mom were WELL MOTHER IM SO DELIGHTED TO BE BRINGING YOU HOME, BECAUSE I MISSED YOU, and I will never forget the over joyed smile on Mom's face as She said to the Nurses WELL ISNT THAT A LOVELY WELCOME TO RECEIVE. Thank The Lord We were very good together, and I can say truthfully We never had any awkward moment's. Carers remember when You are out in Public with the Person Who You Care, You are being observed, monitored, by Others Who do not have an inkling of an Idea of how difficult it can be to Care for another Person. Finally it takes a very special Person to Care for another Life, and never forget how special You All are.

Katie22, yes I get plenty of those 'glad it's not me 'looks also. I've seen that look on my realatives that come to visit who haven't seen mom over the past year. My cousin ( a retired teacher) ,asked me "what's wrong with her?" " she's old" I replied.
Looks of pity and and empty promises to return. That's another subject!
As Otbreno just mentioned, we can count on each other here.

Recently I saw a mother and daughter in Panera Bread. I spoke to both of them, complimenting the mother on her all red outfit. I thanked the daughter.  And why? Because that daughter is a Godsend to her mother just like you are to your's and I tried to be to mine (out of state).

I’ve a different angle to the subject of interactions with people and their reactions. When my mom who is not even in a wheelchair, she is -at least in appearance- just old, she asks a question or makes a comment (very well articulated by the way) people instead of responding to her, look at me when they answer, as if it was me who asked or as if my mom isn’t capable of hearing or understanding!
That is so uncomfortable!! I feel really bad for my mom. She’s a very intelligent woman and those situations make her feel “nullified”.
One of my goals being with her is to help her feel that she has control of her life and giving her confidence! (I’ve a lot of problems with my mom, but I’ve never doubted how capable she is).
What to do to change this unintentional rude behavior from people towards the elderly??
Sorry Carolellen, I don’t intend to change the subject. It’s just another angle of the situation.

MidKid58: "Mother is just super poky and slow " Yes. Oh, YES! My mother blocks aisles, tries to engage the cashier in conversation while the line backs up behind her, talks to anyone, has no idea where anything is in the store (the store she's been going to for years), and spends a lot of time riffling through all her cents-off coupons.

She has no idea how much time she takes up on these outings, and I don't think she really cares. I the Dummy Daughter Driver was gifted the car by her, and in exchange I am to be her chauffeur into perpetuity (or so she thinks). My time means nothing. She would never let me get her groceries for her.

She refuses to go to an AL facility, and so she is housebound and socially starved. I resent being expected to take up all sorts of time, while she expects basically nothing from my brothers (in particular, one of them...he is "too busy" to send her cards or even visit...now nearly a year since he's come for one of his visits, and he's only a few states away).

That is why I set boundaries on my taking her out. And this is also why I will never do any personal care or housekeeping assistance for her, unless I am paid $20/hour by the trust. She will scream (or more likely do her crying/shaking routine that she saves for me) at that suggestion, so I doubt I will ever do it. 

A big hug to you....for thanking everyone. I know there out there too. I have seen heard and experienced it. Even our parents with dementia have a role in society. McDonalds, hairdressers, barbershops, everyone comes to know you for your roll in their lives, and they have a different respect for you. Three cheers for you for paying attention to the real moments in life.

Good for all of you having the strength to take out your difficult parents. I had to stop taking Mom to the grocery. She would forget what she had and what she didn't have. Everything became an argument no matter how calmly I tried to assure her she had what she insisited she needed. I got the opposite looks, like "I" was the jerk when she would get upset. I got sick of that after many trips of the same thing so I just started going on my own. What a relief. Later, I brought her back and everyone who worked at the store remarked about not seeing her, thus making it worse. She doesn't remember why I stopped taking her. I had to so I could keep my sanity in check instead of dreading the bi-weekly shopping trip. She is better on casual outings instead.