Follow
Share

I'm into my second year of this full time care giver role. Taking mom out of the house is always a project. But shopping ( anywhere) is her thing. I'm more aware now of how many people, usually women give me that understanding empathetic look. Sometimes it's a whisper in my ear of "I know I've got mine at home." Mom can be very rude in public and it's so embarrassing. So I just want to say, if it was you that shot me that look of support, thank you!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Cheers for you Carolellen! Getting Mom out, Hooray. Getting support from others triple Hooray.
At 97, my Mom with dementia was in an assisted living facility for Memory care. I couldn't bare to leave her alone on Christmas so my husband and I picked her up and brought her to a hotel casual restaurant. (Couldn't bring her home due to access). The staff and restaurant server at this hotel, three cheers for them. We were greeted with Merry Christmas' from all. The waiter was so-o-o patient and she was treated with such respect. Mom still had a GREAT singing voice so before we departed I quietly suggested that we sing 'we wish you a Merry Christmas' to the team. She belted it out and they joined in. I still have that memory of her last Christmas.
Helpful Answer (21)
Report

Bless you carolellen for your efforts of support for your mother. Being a primary caretaker is very consuming and it sounds like you are doing a great job. I am mindful now to be that person who gives that knowing look to others simply because I know how positively impactful it is to receive it. I will always try to pay it forward. They are anonymous, but I remember them all. I too send out gratitude to them.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

One of my favorite memories is of the man who gave me a wink and a nod after I talked my DH through a very public meltdown. Made me feel really good.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

Caregivers have a shared,knowing glance; it seems to say," I understand,we're in this together." This brief moments give me the extra momentum to complete our tasks.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

I’m glad you’re putting the effort into getting your mom out. It’s a job with my dad as well, not dementia but big challenges with mobility. He’s so frail that every outing takes a long time. It’s always nice when people are nice about it, and take a second to let me know they get it. My dad is also frequently rude, though he doesn’t see it, his doctors call it a loss of filters, it’s an extra blessing when people can kindly excuse this. Blessings to you as you take your mom out and blessings to those who are kind and understanding
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Yes I must say You All have contributed beautiful Posts. I brought My Late Mom for Restbite Care, Her first and I was so delighted because I was feeling exhausted and I really kneeded a good break as I had over two years of 24/7 with out a break. After only 22 hours the phone rang, and I knew.... The Nurse very nice and politely said " John I'm afraid Your Mom wandered off and She's feeling very uneasy as She asked for You to call to bring Her home.
I can not describe how disappointed I felt and I blasted and used every curse word I could think of on my way to collecting Mom. After about 15 minutes Mother was escorted out to Our motor car by two Nurses and two attendants. My first words to Mom were WELL MOTHER IM SO DELIGHTED TO BE BRINGING YOU HOME, BECAUSE I MISSED YOU, and I will never forget the over joyed smile on Mom's face as She said to the Nurses WELL ISNT THAT A LOVELY WELCOME TO RECEIVE. Thank The Lord We were very good together, and I can say truthfully We never had any awkward moment's. Carers remember when You are out in Public with the Person Who You Care, You are being observed, monitored, by Others Who do not have an inkling of an Idea of how difficult it can be to Care for another Person. Finally it takes a very special Person to Care for another Life, and never forget how special You All are.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

My mother thinks she's a social butterfly and puts on a real act when anyone takes her anywhere. A grocery shopping trip takes well over an hour--as she has to hug and kiss everybody in the store (she hasn't hugged me in, well, more than 40 years!). People are very kind to her, she suffers from slight dementia, but it's not noticeable to anyone outside the family. I am beyond humiliated when I am with her and she's flirting with the deli guy. But she's happy, she gets something out of these excursions and it HAS made me so much more compassionate when I see others out with their elderly folks. My mother is at least well behaved...I have seen some people have meltdowns and I really feel for their caregivers. Mother is just super poky and slow and I have to remember to take deep breaths and calm down. This is one of her only outlets. (And this will be me one day, too)
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I just posted this on another subject....
Although it doesn't always resolve the issue we are having personally, it is SO SO SO SO comforting...no, helpful...., not quite right, steadying....yea that's it! to read others in the same boat, struggling with the same issues and stressed about the same things. Maybe we each aren't all on our own island afterall. Thank you for this forum all of you special, incredible and amazing caregivers in your many forms....daughters, sons, wives, husbands, whoever you are including professionals!!! You've been my life saver more times than I can count. God speed to all of you and we WILL get through this and be OKAY. You're doing a fabulous job!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Maybe I was just super sensitive, but I got just as many, if not more looks of "I am glad I am not you". Or those looks like it was somehow my fault my Mom was old and failing...For those that were compassionate looks or looks of understanding I am all the more truly grateful. Maybe it depends on where one lives...
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Kudos to you Carolellen, and anyone who takes out their LO! They need the stimulation, even if the outing fails shortly thereafter and you know you need to go home! Most people catch on pretty quickly and are empathetic and I appreciate that, too. There are business cards that you can buy to hand out that state that your LO has memory problems, etc. Check with your local Council on Aging, or Google it. There are many varieties.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.