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My husband and his mother are very estranged. He knows very little about her. He hasn't even seen her except once in the past ten years. He got a call from one of his sisters that she was in trouble and drove to pick her up. It was obvious to us that she's far worse than anyone thought. She couldn't even remember her name. We thought she was being cared for by other relatives, and apparently hasn't been. We moved her and her dog in, but don't know what the next step is. She cant remember anything, gets easily confused, can't be left alone but refuses to accompany me when I have to leave the house. She's only 51(in Nov 2019). We were told we couldn't get a POA or Authorized representative papers because she is not considered able to sign those. But we can't get any of her information without those forms. We are lost on what to do. To top it off, her dog is seriously untrained, bites us and our dog, and weighs so much that he bowls her over and she can't control him. She forgets that she's not at home and is constantly letting him in from the garage to attack us. We don't want to get rid of him because she is seriously attached, but he is starting to become a danger. We are just so lost.

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First I would get rid of the dog. Then I would see an attorney and find out what you can do, such as guardianship.

Not knowing her financial situation I cannot comment on what to do in that area. Although, I would definitely see where she can be placed. Living with you will never work.
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Suddenly you're called, out of the blue, to pick up the obviously shattered pieces of a life you know NOTHING about??? You need information from the SILs, first of all.

What does your sister in law have to say about all of this? What's wrong with MIL? What's been going on the past 10 years? Is she a drug user, an alcoholic? Is this dementia you're seeing? MIL is awfully young to be suffering THIS level of dementia!!! What's her health history been for the past 10 years? Where has she been living? Who's her doctor?

Then you need to get rid of the dog. Sorry, but this animal is just TOO dangerous to have inside of your home attacking people. Perhaps one of your sister in law's can house it; if not, the local shelter.

Depending on what your SIL has to say, I guess the next step would be a full medical evaluation of your MIL by a doctor and/or a neurologist to determine a diagnosis. Based on that dx, you'll have to decide if you want to house your MIL, or if she needs an Assisted Living or Memory Care environment to better function.

Then I'd make an appointment with an Elder Care attorney in your area to see how you can proceed with getting the necessary paperwork in order, depending on what MILs diagnosis is and if you want to house her.

A real mess, it sounds like. I'm so sorry you are faced with this stressful situation right now. I hope things work out for the best and that you're able to figure out what to do next.

GOOD LUCK!!!
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How did the SIL handle the finances?   Were there joint accounts?   Direct deposit of any retirement funds?   Was she getting any other assistance?  What health care benefits did she have?

The SIL who called your husband should have provided him with this information, but since she didn't, that would in my opinion be a necessary, high priority call, as well as her providing copies of any documentation she has, especially medical history.

On that subject, is she taking any pills that she might have brought with her?   If so, research them online to see what they're for; that would at least give you an idea of what conditions she might have.

But she will have to see a doctor to get script refills.    Again, the issue of past medical history arises.  

While I can understand someone reaching a breaking point and not being able to think clearly on how to transfer care, the best starting point is in fact someone who's been caring for her before calling and rescinding whatever obligations she might have had. 

As to the dog, he may be just as disoriented and confused at the disruption in his life, but he does need care outside of your home.  If he's a standard breed dog, you might try to contact one of the breed specific rescues.  

Given MIL's level of confusion, she may react in unpredictable ways, including anger, when the dog is gone.   You might consider first a toy dog that she can cuddle, if the does that, to at least provide something for her to feel as if it's her own.    I don't write this to be cruel, but given the level of dementia, she might not realize it's not a real dog, but at least the friction caused by the existing animal would be abated.

And if she stays at your house, you might also want to ask friends with well behaved animals to visit so she can benefit from animal therapy.   I wouldn't get another dog just yet though. 

And in the meantime, start investigating, visiting and interviewing memory care facilities as it sounds as though she has some pretty severe dementia (unless there's a combination of meds that are causing this condition). 

I wish you luck; this sounds like a really challenging situation, which literally has been dumped in your lap w/o any necessary background information.
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You will have to have her financial records to see where things are "at". Does the sister have that. Has she been POA for Mom. You will have to seek guardianship for your mother should you choose to do so. You and your husband need to take everything you do have in terms of information, to an attorney specializing in Elder Law.
Start with Sister. What information does she had re Mom, Mom's bills, accounts and etc.. When you have all the legal and financial records you can find, next step is an MD for diagnosis. You will need this if you are to seek guardianship. Ask Sister who lived nearby who Mom's Doctor is and if Mom has POA for health care. If not, call doctor, tell him where she is, ask his recommend for testing and diagnosis.
One you get legalities worked out you will function for her in her stead by guardianship (almost certainly will be granted to her son). You will then need to decide whether Memory Care is the best option. She is very young. I sure don't recommend taking on the care of a woman who may outlive you. Good luck. Step at a time. Gather information, get diagnosis, see Elder Law Attorney re options.
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Update: We took the dog to a rescue where he was successfully re-homed. We really didn't want to separate them, but she started to say very concerning things about having him euthanized instead of letting anyone else have him. She also would not authorize us to take him to the vet to get a check-up. We thought it was best for him if he was re-homed. Things were very rocky for about a week, but she has forgotten about him now. The Sister's don't have any documentation on her. From speaking to them, it sounds like they just provided a roof over her head, rather than actual care. We have found some papers in what little stuff she brought with her and are in the process of attaining POA's for her, as opposed to guardianship. We spoke with one sister at Thanksgiving, and mentioned that our goal was to get Mom into a facility where she can be better cared for. Sister was very angry at that idea and said it was "our turn" to care for her. I have found some prescription labels in her belongings, but the prescribing doctors have not gotten back with me yet over what these were for. We have almost finished building her a room of her own. Thankfully, all the kids have been understanding with this (I have two with various disorders). Their therapists think this is a good opportunity to practice flexibility, caring for others, and family dynamics. It has definitely been a roller-coaster. We found a few mental health papers in her things that make her situation a bit clearer. She has NPD which is challenging in itself. On Monday, we are hopefully visiting the VA to see if she has any benefits. She mentioned she was awarded full spousal when her husband went missing. If she was, than she will have insurance. Thank you everyone for giving me advice. I just really didn't know where to start.
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XenaJada Dec 2019
I'm so glad to read about the dog finding a new home. What is the story of her husband going missing? Is that combat-related? It sounds like possibly major depression over the unresolved issue of her husband missing.
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Thank you so much for your update. Please let us know when you have a diagnosis. Your Mom is so young. Cannot tell if you are looking at complete mental breakdown or dementia. I am so relieved to have an update, and very relieved that the dog was taken to a shelter. So sorry for all you are going through. As to what the sister says, I honestly don't care. She has the option to continue care of your Mom but she doesn't have the option to tell YOU what to do with your own life. Your Mom could live for another 50 years, but you would be very unlikely to survive her that long. Wishing you good luck.
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Being formally diagnosed with NPD, which I assume is Narcissistic Personality Disorder, is a whole lot more than 'challenging'; she can wind up destroying your lives! And, you already have your hands quite FULL caring for two disordered children. If I were you, I'd read up about NPD and be sure to learn all you can as you may have to find placement ELSEWHERE for your MIL.

Here is a link to a very, very large thread on the subject of narcissism and dementia that you may be interested in taking a look at:

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/mom-dementia-narcissistic-162338.htm

Best of luck!
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I originally posted the dog must go, but then read the update, which I was very happy to read.
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I think there is more here than NPD involved. Hopefully the VA can help with what is really going on. And do what "you" have too. You really don't want raise kids around a narcissist. Read up on it if u haven't. If it ends up she needs more care than u can give, don't hesitate to get her into LTC with Medicaid. Maybe, the VA can put her in one of their homes.

Hope ur able to get POA. She has to assign you. She may not be deemed competent enough to do that.
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Your MIL needs a complete physical exam including Blood work up, and also a Complete Mental health exam by a Neurologist who specializes in Dementia and NPD.

In your bio, you stated that she has Dementia/Alzheimer's, Depression, Diabetes, and Anxiety disorder. These are all serious conditions in their own right and need to be addressed to see that she is on the proper medications and at the correct dosages, which may take some time as you are basically starting from scratch.

I reccomend you get right on getting her the help she needs, even if you go to Social Services to get her on Medicaid if she doesn't have established health insurance, so she can get the proper care she needs.

I also warn you for having her around your children, incase she is mentally unstable, as your kids may not be able to protect themselves should she go off the rails, given her Anxiety issues, it would be my first concern!

Having Diabetes and her other health problems, and not having been on the right meds, it might be determined that her "Dementia" symptoms and confusion are a side effect of not having the proper treatment and will hopefully diminish some (hopefully a lot), once her medications needs are met and she is back "on track", her Mental illness may also come into play to her obvious confusion too.

Mental confusion (Dementia ?) is often seen when Diabetes and Kidney function is not managed properly, she is very young (only 51 years old) to have such severe symptoms of Dementia, so hopefully she will improve with better medication and treatment, plus good nutrition too! It is important that she have a complete blood workup Asap!


It is so generous and commendable that you have taken on this responsibility of you estranged MIL, but you need to make sure that your family comes first! This woman is virtually a complete stranger to you, her Son and your young family and with the extensive issues that she has, it might be more than you guys can handle, and her Mental illness symptoms may possibly be even a danger to you all.

Run don't walk to getting her immediate health care, and maybe even get a Social worker involved to get her proper placement. And do know that if she ever ends up in hospital, you Can Refuse to take her home as an "UNSAFE DISCHARGE"! You would need to convey this to the Discharge Coordinator Sternly, and they will find her the necessary placement. You must not put your children and yourselves at risk and put too much strain on your family and your future lives. She may even need to be admitted to a Mental Hospital to be adjusted to new medicines.

NPD is a family destroyer, they suck the life out of you using FOG, Fear Obligation and Guilt, do not let the happen to you, your children and your marriage! Get educated, and make the Best decisions for your family first, and then help her to get the best care and living placement next! You cannot do this alone!

Good Luck!
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Sister has no say at this point, she needs care, this is not normal for a 51 year old person. Something is very wrong.

Stick to your guns and get her into a facility that can help her get better. This isn't about turns, it's about a person that is obviously, obviously suffering something.

Sometimes we have to do very hard things to help people, and we are usually not popular with other family members who think differently, oh well. If their mom gets better they can apologize and if not, your family and life are left intact.

Happy to read that you found a home for her dog.
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Another update: we found a clinic we could take her to with no upfront cost. They are doing a bunch of labs and tests. She either has a thyroid issue or gout for sure. The labs will tell which one. Hopefully, all her memory and cognitive issues are caused by a thyroid problem and we can get her independent. We won't get her lab results back until next week, at the earliest. But we are hoping to at least have a care plan by Christmas!
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lilhelp Dec 2019
Great; at least you're finding out what's wrong, and hopefully, can be fixed. So sad that she was in the care of others for however long, but really wasn't being cared for properly, poor thing.  Thank Heaven she's there, and getting help she needed so badly for so long.
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Take MIL to ER & say you’re unable to care for her ..talk to Social Worker there in helping have her placed. Tell SW how confused & mixed up she is. They will give her tests & figure out what to do. Make sure she gets admitted & stays 3 days....Hugs 🤗
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Alazrielle Jan 2020
I have been looking up social services in my area all day. We already tried taking her to a doctor and a crisis intervention center in my area. The doctor said her confusion was probably caused by her not taking her thyroid medication and sent her home. The crisis intervention center said that dementia was considered a neurological medical condition and they only dealt with mental health and substance abuse. We did finally find a free clinic and got her officially diagnosed with dementia. They said to give her a specific diagnosis of "early onset" or "frontotemporal" she would need a brain scan, which she needs insurance for. I submitted paperwork with her (as much as she was able) for the SSA for disability. We are hoping she will qualify for Medicare if she gets disability. And then we can use that insurance to get her a brain scan. And we can use the brain scan to get a solid diagnosis that we can use to have her placed. I'm just so unsure of the steps to take.
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She (might) have early onset dementia or another medical problem that can mimic that. There are many. Uncontrolled diabetes or dehydration or electro light imbalance can do that as well. Get her to the geriatric doc asap. They can help with paperwork and what you need to do to get POA (if that is needed). It might not be needed.

Id get her dog the dog calming treats. The dog is also experiencing a huge upheaval of his life, and is very scared and upset from all the stress, new surroundings and new people who dont want the dog. It can pick up on all that stress. So it is highly stressed. The calming treats will help relax it. Take the dog for a nice walk. That will help destress the dog too. He might calm down with a steady routine and attention.
First thing get mil to a doc. Good luck.
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Maybe you have been misinformed.
The rep-payee assignment can be made at the SS office, can you get her there?
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Alazrielle Jan 2020
We are going to go to the Federal VA office this upcoming week to check her benefits (she gets a former spouse payment every month) and also the SSA office to check on her disability application. I am hoping that someone there will be able to help. I am also looking up the senior social services in my area and will be adding a phone call to them to my long list for next week. It has been near impossible to go anywhere with the children home from school for the holidays. There's no way I can take four people out, three of which are disabled, on my own. I am just not that capable.
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Good luck!
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If she hasn't been taking her thyroid meds for a long time that could explain her decline. You will not be able to properly rule out early onset dementia unless her thyroid levels are within a normal range.

However if she has NPD that will be your biggest problem. She is relatively young and do not be guilted into taking on something you will not be able to deal with in the long term.
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Alazrielle Jan 2020
She is very young. She will be 52 in a few weeks. The clinic gave her thyroid medication and then repeated her tests at follow-up visits. Her cognitive abilities did not improve. I DO feel guilty. Most of the time these days, in fact. I keep chanting to myself that I didn't do this to her, her situation isn't my fault, etc. But I just feel so bad for her. I didn't know her very well, but it still breaks my heart to see her this way. I am hoping that we have the ball rolling enough that we can get her somewhere she can be cared for properly.
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We got her test results back, and took her to a few follow-up appointments. The clinic only sees patients once a week, and the holidays interrupted things a bit. She has been diagnosed as having a thyroid issue and dementia. In order to diagnose a specific type of dementia, she needs a brain scan and the clinic won't do that without insurance. We applied for disability based on the dementia diagnosis, and are hoping that will get her medicare/medicaid? and then we can follow those through to a specific diagnoses. It has also been hard to untangle what is a dementia symptom and what isn't. We know she can't stay here with us and are working to get her into a facility. Her behavior is devolving (maybe she's becoming more comfortable here?) and I am becoming very concerned about her living here with the kids. She has started yelling at them occasionally. I step in, every time, and redirect her. I am hoping to have this all resolved soon. It took us so long to get our bearings and even know which direction to go.
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As a comment on a post a couple back, OP said: "We did finally find a free clinic and got her officially diagnosed with dementia. They said to give her a specific diagnosis of "early onset" or "frontotemporal" she would need a brain scan, which she needs insurance for."

This is a fantasic development! Would you consider/ be able with that diagnosis to put her in a memory care home with that diagnosis for a respite of a week or two so you can tend to your own children to get them started back to school? I know your hands have been so full and I don't know how you are doing all this!
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Alazrielle Jan 2020
We are looking back into getting her into something. Even an adult care center for a day or two during the week. It is my limited understanding that most facilities won't take someone against their will unless you have guardianship. She will NOT go on her own. We are looking into the free legal aid in our area and discussing emergency guardianship. The SSA and VA haven't been much help. I took her with me into the SSA office and we filled out Medicaid, Medicare and disability applications. The representative was very nice. She said it could take a while to hear back, even with compassionate allowance. However, they said that all information regarding this would go to her and not us.
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That's very compassionate of you to help her.
Just a few things that you should be aware of.
Narcissism and dementia both have issues.
A NPD person could lower your self esteem, ie. you're not good enough. And pit some people against each other.
With dementia, they lose the ability to reason. So arguments are pointless. They don't understand.

Always remember you are doing your best. If it doesn't work out, pleases look into other options, like a facility.
--- All the best
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That dog has to go. It's hard enough dealing with her. I feel sorry for her because no one was taking care of her in her condition. Sounds like she might have early onset dementia.
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Alazrielle, When mthr had a bleeding tumor, she was in low hemoglobin which caused memory loss of the kind you see. I'd suggest talking to Adult Protective Services and seeing if you can get emergency guardianship so you can get her medical care. Perhaps just taking her to the ER would work, but you need Adult Protective Services on your side.
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I think the dog is going to have to ''disappear'' for the safety of everyone, let alone your MIL. If you could somehow help her to develop a fondness for your own pet/s as a substitute at least they could fill the gap left when her own dog disappears into the sunset.
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Another update: we are in a sort of lull. I received the disability functional report in the mail. I filled mine out. It took nearly all week to help her fill hers out. It was very frustrating. She kept checking boxes that she was capable of things. She isn't capable of any of them. I tried talking with her, gently, about how she can't do those things anymore. Her response was "Only because you don't let me". Now, I'm not sure if I should send her completed form in or not. In the explanation parts, the ones she did write in, she wrote a lot of nonsense. Answers that don't fit questions, sentences that aren't sentences. Is that enough, with her medical records, to show she really isn't capable? Or do they only look at the checked boxes?
We took her out for her birthday. Got her her "dream pizza" and ice cream. Everything was going great, she was all smiles, until she wanted nuts on her ice cream. She's allergic. She got really upset and threw her ice cream away before I could even pay for it. I took a deep breath, and Facebooked her daughter. Gave Sister in Law the run down and she had a pleasant talk with Mom while we went home. Made sure I took pictures at the pizza place and I'm glad. Mom got upset because we -forgot- her birthday. Was able to show her the pictures to reassure her we did not.
She mentioned a problem with her lady bits, so we go back to the doctor tomorrow. She banged her knee on something the other day and I think she sprained it. Today, I tried to get her to rest, and elevate it. Went to the restroom and when I came back she was jumping on it, one footed. When I asked her why? "Well, it hurt. When something hurts, you just bang on it till it stops. Seriously, I'm only 14. I'm too young to feel like I'm falling apart". I took deep breaths and managed to get her interested in a movie.
She poured her cereal and milk onto a plate yesterday morning. This made me irrationally aggravated. We had just completed the section about what can you cook and how often and how well on the function report. She said she could cook so well. She can cook seven course dinners. She's a five star chef. She doesn't even have enough sense to use a bowl and not a plate for cereal! Had to take a lot of deep breaths. It seems like that's all I do anymore. Take deep breaths...
And at the end of the day, I feel bad. What could I have done better? Was there something that would've made her feel better? Is she comfortable enough? Is her heater still on or did she turn it off again? And in the morning, it starts all over. Irritation that she peed on the porch (seriously, why?!), Irritation that she's yelling at me for not having any clean clothes when her dresser is stuffed full of them. Irritation all day, guilt and worry all night. Round and round the carousel...
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FrazzledMama Feb 2020
Hugs to you, I know it is tough. I hope you are able to get some respite soon. Another place you might try for resources is your area Agency on Aging. They may be aware of other programs and avenues for legal aid, respite care, adult day care, etc.
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A doctor's office, clinic, Dept. of Social Services, or hospital may be able to determine if she has health insurance by entering her social security number
into their database.

It looks like you are making progress already.

It took 1-3 years for "discovery" issues like your mil's to come to the light.
After leaving his home, abruptly, our elder had no real information. But it is better now that one person is in charge.

Hope you can get this sorted.
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Alazrielle Feb 2020
She doesn't have insurance currently in place. She does have prescription coverage at the pharmacy, but they couldn't tell us who it was through or any other information because we don't have guardianship in place. We believe she has insurance eligibility through her military spouse benefits, but again, need guardianship for that. We are in the process of trying to get emergency guardianship and Medicare through disability. Whichever comes first. Either way, the end goal is insurance=regular doctor care. I'm not sure what the next step is from there, but I'm sure I'll figure it out by then.
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Alazrielle, you are doing SUCH a fantastic job. Giant hugs to you.

Send in her form as she's written it. It presents a true picture of her ability, for example, to understand and process information. Just make sure it's stapled firmly to your own account. Will there be any kind of independent/professional assessment to go with this?

I hesitate, because I don't want you to spit in my eye even virtually, but your (completely barking!) MIL would be a good candidate for our reablement team.

Take the cereal, which would come under "meal preparation tasks."

MIL is able to: choose what she would like for breakfast; put her cereal onto her plate and add milk; feed herself.
MIL requires support to: select appropriate tableware, (?) use appropriate quantities.
Concerns: MIL can lose track of what meal preparation is being done and may be at risk of forgetting e.g. hot stoves, boiling kettles, etc.

So. If she were our client, we would turn up at her house at about a quarter to eight in the morning and use a combination of verbal prompting and minimal intervention to get the right food onto the right plate with her doing as much of the job as possible.

I have yet to get away from a morning call in under an hour, but I am new and I hope to improve. We have a maximum of forty five minutes allocated for each job (we'd also probably cover washing and dressing, maybe meds and creams), and seeing that some of our clients attempt to make their morning cup of tea with first cat kibble and then Bran Flakes (I won't forget her in a hurry!), the "stand back and let the client do it" theory does not always make it into reality. But you can get away with more cheating if you lavish praise on her for what she IS managing to do.

Can anybody send an OT in to help you analyse her routines and smooth out some of the bumps?
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Alazrielle Feb 2020
I would LOVE that. Right now, we don't have insurance in place for her. She goes to free clinic for her check-ups. I'm hoping her disability claim gets approved so she can qualify for Medicare. I'm also waiting to hear back from a lawyer about guardianship so we can finally get an answer about whether or not she has insurance through her military spouse benefits. One of the problems is that she doesn't really know us, and we don't really know her. I will definitely keep this mind to ask the doctor about when we see him again. I don't think it's something the free clinic offers, but he may be able to point me in a direction.
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" her dog is seriously untrained, bites us and our dog, and weighs so much that he bowls her over and she can't control him. She forgets that she's not at home and is constantly letting him in from the garage to attack us. We don't want to get rid of him because she is seriously attached, but he is starting to become a danger."

How are things with the dog?
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Alazrielle Feb 2020
He got sick and she wanted to "take him out back". We elected to give him to a shelter instead. He had a simple infection, which was cleared up quickly with antibiotics. The shelter kept me in the loop and he was much happier once everything was treated. He has been successfully re-homed. She doesn't mention him anymore and I don't think she remembers she brought him with her. She still remembers him as her pet, but I don't think she remembers that we took him to the shelter.
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She saw the doctor today. He told me not to worry about the disability forms. If we get denied, which he thinks is unlikely given the report he gave them, we can appeal and go before a judge. The judge will be able to tell easily from a short conversation with her. So, I'll be sending in her forms this week. She is declining, so he upped her donepezil. I asked if there was another medication we could try, but he said that there wouldn't be any hope of improving her mental acuity. We are now only worried about slowing this down. We found out we have to put her on a low sodium diet because of her blood pressure. Her favorite foods are salty: ramen, potato chips, beef jerky. It's practically all she'll eat. I'm wondering the pros and cons of trying to do it. On the one hand: we want to follow the doctors orders. On the other: she's likely to starve herself if she can't eat what she wants. She is really upset after the doctors visit today. She asked him what she could do to "get cured" and he told her it would never happen. She's been saying all day that she'd be better off dead. We've been keeping an eye on her. We changed her bedding this morning to wash it and it freaked her out when we got home. She is paranoid now that someone is stealing her stuff because her blanket is gone. Even after showing her that it was in the washing machine, she was still saying to me that someone stole it. Now she wants to throw away all of her things because "What's the point of having stuff if you guys are just going to steal it anyway." Should I let her throw her stuff away? I tried to stop her, and she just kept telling me it was her stuff to do what she wanted with. So, we gave her an empty trashbag to put it all in. We kept the bag, in case she wants it back. I think a big part of the problem is that she wasn't diagnosed while she was healthy enough to process the diagnosis. So, when she gets reminded about it, it upsets her. But she can't really process through it. I wish I knew how to help her through it better. It feels as if there's not much else we can do until we get insurance for her.
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Sendhelp Feb 2020
Good job Alazrielle!
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Alazrielle,
Keep chipping away at those forms, and make it a point to visit the local SS office more frequently. Just to ask questions.
Call Medicare, with her on the phone to give consent for you to ask questions.

Today, in the mail, I received a letter from SS, which read in part:
SS said: "We recently reviewed the evidence (that I provided) in (your husband's) Social Security disability and found that his disability is continuing."

And, SS said: "We find that the work he has been doing does not show that he can do substantial work".

The rest of the letter contained really scary info that mostly, I do not understand. It has helped to be honest in reporting the true facts these past few years, even if there is fear he may be abruptly discontinued, or if the forms are scary, I will keep on advocating for my hubs.

Now, comes the IRS taxes. forms, procrastination. last minute efforts to comply. this is life!

I am telling you all this (not exactly specific to your case) to encourage you to keep on keeping on. And do not be afraid to go forward, even if you do not have all the answers for your Mil.

Take care of yourself. You are a caregiver!
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Update: Well, things might have sorted themselves out. My daughter was taking a bath and MIL needed to use the restroom. When we told her we would get the babe out so she could use the restroom, she got very irate that she would have to wait. She wanted to go to the restroom on the floor, then in a mixing bowl, then outside. By the time we got our daughter out of the bath, she said she no longer needed to go and went back to her room. We heard a lot of pounding and when we checked on her, she had taken a pencil and stabbed the walls, putting holes everywhere. We didn't feel safe confronting her in that state. When we inquired with the police, they said there wasn't much they could do unless she was harming herself or threatening to harm us. Destruction of property didn't constitute a threat by itself unless we wanted to press charges. So, we took anything from her that could be considered a weapon. She got angry again, and tried leaving. We called the police again and they finally sent someone out. They spoke with us for about 2 hours, and then finally took her to the hospital. We haven't heard anything from them since. It's been about two days. I can't tell how I feel. Worried about her, but relieved at the same time? We have just about all her stuff here, and I don't know what we should do with it. I'm not sure what's next. My daughter told me this evening that she is happy "we have our home back". I'm hoping that MIL is getting the care she needs. HIPPA won't allow the hospital to give us any information. I'm not even sure if we should pursue it. I think, and I hope, that this will lead to her getting better care. She needs a more stable environment. Living with us, having to leave every day to drop kids at school and pick them up, having to wait for hours in doctors offices for their appointments, the random tantrums and birthdays and parent teacher conferences...It wasn't the right place for her.
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Countrymouse Mar 2020
It's only a small point, but HIPAA won't let the hospital give you any information *without MIL's consent.* If she says they can, they can.

So either she can't consent, because she's currently climbing the walls mentally speaking; or she won't, which is up to her; or just possibly they haven't thought to ask her. Your DH might like to check it isn't the last!
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