My mother is calling people and making plans with people saying she is leaving town “tomorrow”. She is driving me nuts talking about all of her accounts and bills. Nurse says to give her anxiety meds but my mother won’t take them nor will she eat so I am unable to “sneak” anything. She is so persistent that I haven’t done anything to her accounts because I feel guilty. I do have POA and should go ahead and make changes but the guilt is stressful. I am also going nuts listening to her tell her friends that she will be their caretaker and will be getting a ride out of town tomorrow but I’m also feeling too guilty to take her phone....

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I just need to pay her bills and update her address and probably provide the POA so that I can make those changes on her behalf. I feel guilt I guess because I’m scared of making a mistake or making her mad. What if she miraculously gets better and doesn’t like the decisions I made?
she was in another state and I was there for almost 6 weeks. They said it was terminal and they would make her ward of the state and put her in adult foster care/hospice. So I decided to bring her home to my state and do “home-hospice” In all of this I guess I failed to mention that I also had to bring my 86 yo grandmother to my home as well. She functions better than my mom but my mom was her caretaker so now I care for them both. No support from other family members.
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I read your previous messages. Mom is on Hospice. She is dying and it looks like you are doing this all alone. See if Hospice has respite care. Either Mom going to a facility or she is getting 24/7 care in the home. But you need a break.

As POA you need to take over. If bills need to be paid, pay them. If things need to be done do them. You can tell little white lies to keep her calm, God will forgive. Try to let what she says roll off your back. She is not in her right mind. Explain to the people she calls that her mind is being effected by her illness.

"What is hepatic encephalopathy? Hepatic encephalopathy is a decline in brain function that occurs as a result of severe liver disease. In this condition, your liver can't adequately remove toxins from your blood. This causes a buildup of toxins in your bloodstream, which can lead to brain damage."
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Homecare123 Oct 2020
Thank you for this response. It is really helpful.
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I don't know what you mean by "I haven't done anything to her accounts because I feel guilty." What accounts do you speak of.
You aren't a felon, so you have no reason for guilt. You are grieving. It is a different word. Guilt implies you are responsible for this and for its outcome. Grieving implies you are sad and helpless and hopeless and have no idea where to turn.
Your mother may soon require placement for both her own mental and physical care, and because you will not be able to handle what is happening. Has hospice been considered? I am so sorry for all you are going through and I cannot even begin to imagine. Do you have any family support or a case worker or social worker involved in all this anywhere?
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