Follow
Share

Some may have seen my previous post where I lamented this corona virus hell. My Dad is in late stage been in an ALF since October, prior to that he was hospitalized for kidney and pneumonia when we made the heartbreaking decision after 9 years of home care to place him as my 76 yr old mother couldn't do it anymore. We went daily. We provided the care as they were understaffed. This past month he declined even further. Became mostly immobile and mostly non verbal. Showed signs of high agitation with constant clapping and slapping his hands. Because of the ban we had to go 15 days without seeing him. I was very concerned with his lack of eating and drinking and the fact we weren't able to see him and help. He lost 10 lbs in 15 days. He landed in the E.R Sunday a.m. after they discovered a massive fever and then ICU for severe dehydration, kidney failure and pneumonia. The heart too was in critical condition they were able last night to stabilize. They told my mother that he is hospice eligible she has chosen to stop all meds and do comfort care..we were told he could pass in days. I'm a wreck. I'm not sure if this is the right course of action? We also still cannot see him yet because of COV 19. My heart is aching over him passing before I can say goodbye. I'm devastated. Has anyone else had to make this choice? Is this the best choice? Feels like giving up Please help.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
My heart breaks for you. I am so very sorry. Most of us have regrets in our lives. I wish I could help.

All I can say is that I am truly sorry that you are hurting. 💗 None of this is your fault. Please believe that. You cannot blame yourself.

You made choices that you felt were appropriate. They were appropriate. How could you have known this would happen? You did nothing wrong.

We are here. You have support from this forum.

Take care.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Anchors1981 Mar 2020
Thank you I'm devastated
(2)
Report
I bet you are and your poor Mom. Can they Skpe Dad. Or put a phone to his ear so he can hear you. I would ask the DON if there was a way that you and Mom can be tested. Then allowed to go in one at a time with a mask, your clothes covered, hands and feet covered. This is an unusual circumstance. Its not fair that, at least, your Mom be there.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Anchors1981 Mar 2020
Thank you it sounds like they are waiting for his COV 19 test to come back? They assure us he doesn't have it tho but they need to follow protocol. She got to see him through glass today.
(2)
Report
My heart breaks your dad and family. I think hospice is a good idea. You may be able to see your dad once he is on hospice. I would do it asap. Please update, very concerned. Hope you and your mother get to see your dad soon. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you during this very difficult time. God bless you!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Anchors1981 Mar 2020
Thank you very much. We are going to see if they can bring a phone into ICU or tablet and we can talk to him through it. I need to be able to say goodbye and that I love him before its too late😭😭 I wish I could hold his hand and hug him. This is the worst thing I have ever dealt with.
(3)
Report
I am saying a special prayer for you with my family now and I will light a candle. Hugs to you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Anchors1981 Mar 2020
God bless you ❤ just pray I get to say goodbye. And same for you you have been extremely kind and compassionate 😇
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
Hospice is great.
They will still continue to see him. And it is like another set of eyes and an extra pair of hands. So he will get more attention.
Ask Hospice if they have Tap Cloud or some other App like it as you can keep in contact with the team and they can update you easily.
As your dad declines it might be possible for you to see him, ask. There might be exceptions at EOL (End of Life)
((hugs)) hand in there.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Anchors1981 Mar 2020
Right now he's getting those services in ICU. From what I understand he's on morphine. They are waiting for COV 19 clearance. Mom was abke to see him through the glass. Tommorow They said a social worker may be able to do the phone or I pad idea which I like. I need to be able to do something. I'm just so shocked its come to this. March 11th was the last time I saw him at the ALF. Then we were banned.
(2)
Report
I'm so sorry - what a difficult and heart-breaking time for you. My prayers are with you and your family. It was my understanding, under the new guidelines, family could visit for end of life care.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Anchors1981 Mar 2020
Thank you. A really kind nurse got a cell phone and let me talk to him through the speaker. I told him I loved him and thanked him for everything. And I promised I would take care of Mom
(1)
Report
I had to go through the same thing with my dad. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It is not giving up--it's love and compassion. My heart aches for you! I pray that you can say goodbye to your dad before he goes, but if you don't, you can say goodbye to him no matter where you are (I know it is not the same).

Your dad is in bad health and the best thing you can do is to let him go. I know it is easier said than done, but it is what is best for him! It really is the best choice!

I am very sorry that you are going through this in this very difficult time.

Sending you hugs!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Anchors1981 Mar 2020
Thank you so much for your kind words ❤
(1)
Report
I’m so sorry. I understand the regs in place, however, this is end of life circumstances. Even if he has the virus, gowning and masking is suppose to protect caregivers. If not, then every health care worker should go home right now. I would not accept this. I would speak to head of hospital and kick and scream. Good luck and sending hugs.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Anchors1981 Mar 2020
I agree ..I'm hoping they allow us tommorow. We kicked and screamed 15 days ago at his AlF for the same reasons. They say they are 100% sure he does not have COV 19 but they have to follow protocol? I'm assuming Mom can at least go. She saw him behind the glass today. I hope she can ❤ Thank you
(0)
Report
Anchors, you will see him soon, in his transformed body with no sickness and no more pain, no more tears and no more goodbyes.

I am happy that you were able to speak with him on the phone.

May God grant you your hearts desire to see him and say goodbye in person.

May you be granted grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult, difficult time. Hugs to you and your family.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Anchors1981 Mar 2020
Your words brought tears to my eyes thank you ❤
(1)
Report
Anchors, I am very sorry that you and your mother have been separated from your father at this time. I lost my father in October, so I can imagine your grief at not being able to be with him. I’m glad that you got to speak to him. How responsive is he?

I have been speaking to my mother at her nursing home by Facetime. One of the staff calls daily at a designated time. It is so comforting just to see her face. I have also visited through the window. Even if your father is unresponsive, he could still listen to your voice and seeing his face would comfort you. I am praying that the Comforter be with you at this time. May God have mercy on your father and you and your mother during this vigil.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Anchors1981 Mar 2020
Thank you so much for your reply. Its comforting, I am just in shock. He's on morphine so I'm hoping he heard me there was no response. I know in ICU hes getting the beat care possible with hospice/ comfort care there is no pain. I just fear he will pass before I can see him in person due to the COV 19 . ban. I want to be there in person.
(1)
Report
Anchors, so glad to hear you were able to speak to your Dad over the phone. I’m sure your voice was comforting for him to hear. Rest assured that the very caring nurse who facilitated the call is taking very good care of your Dad.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Anchors1981 Mar 2020
Thank you so much ❤ I just pray this is the right thing to do. They could treat his pneumonia but they are saying Quality of Life in question. Heart was in critical last night they were able to stabilize but not long term without complications. Its just a shock now
(1)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter