We’re into 28 months of Mom living with us. Mostly she cannot afford to live on her own – she lost her house and job when she had her stroke in 2011. She does have some cognitive disabilities and is vision impaired. But it is a mystery as to how she would do if I wasn’t there to cook meals and oversee her every day.
Shortly after Dad died in 2010, a friend of Mom and Dad’s started calling on Mom. About a year ago, he asked Mom to marry him and Mom was considering it. But I knew family members didn’t like him and Mom herself has mixed feelings about him – says she knows she couldn’t be a good wife because she can’t take care of him as a wife should (she waited on my dad hand and foot). She’s also not wild about his cooking and "he’s not Dad," she says. But he’s interested in her. At the time, though, I dissuaded her from accepting the proposal.
Now, he calls her nearly every day and talks to her for long stretches. She likes it but she also complains about it a little. She doesn’t like it when he expects her to call him back, for instance, and she doesn’t. (I think she forgets but they don’t seem to think that I the case.) I don’t know how much of Mom’s complaining about him is real and how much is for my benefit, if she thinks that’s what I want to hear. He lives over 2 hours away, so they don't see each other.
I have come to feel that Mom would be more independent and have more freedom and companionship if she lived with this man. I’ve stopped caring what others in the family think since they help out so little. And my husband’s growing irritation at Mom living with us is also motivating me to look for other options. But there aren’t any. AL is not possible right now for financial reasons. Maybe if she gets the widow’s VA benefit she can do AL, but that’s not for sure.
I have a feeling if I start saying great things about her friend and encourage her to reconsider his proposal (which still stands) that she might consider it. He is in his 80s and quite fit, so who knows how long they would have. Mom is in her late 60s. Thoughts?