Hi,
My 80 year old mother has written me out of her will. And her life.
This is because my sister bought her a cheap single bed for her studio apartment. The single bed got thrown out because it was too small for her. So my brother, who handles my mom's finances, bought her a hospital bed, which I refused to help pay for. This is because no one asked me input on it; they both just said pay for it or else. The hospital bed ended up getting thrown out as well because my mom hated it.
So then I found out my mom has 80 grand or more in the bank, and I therefore stopped sending her money. She has SS and a pension from my dad coming in, so she has no monthly bills save some cat food. I told her she had enough to live off of and stop acted like she was poor. I had been sending her money thinking she had none. She conveniently never told me she had 80 grand in the bank, and my brother conveniently left this out.
So mom decided I "HATED HER" and is punishing me by writing me out of her will, for the second time, and not talking to me.
Of course my siblings are delighted at this, the great Christians they are. Oh, the wonderful Christians they are.
My question is this: why does this hurt so much.
There wasn't anything left of his estate. I treasure this document as a testament to Dad thanking me. I told them to proceed and settle the estate without the will. I knew he had dementia and it should be divided evenly - which it was.
My sisters went over 12 years without speaking to me. I told the $880 and went and bought a used China Hutch, new crystal glasses and candle holders. This week I am getting ready to send these to my daughter. My sister took all Dad's stuff from the house while he was in the VA Alz Ward and put it in her basement.
Today, she has none of those things. Love your Dad. I can understand the bed situation, but when she needs health care $80,000 won't touch the expense if she needs assisted living or nursing home. Your pain is real but I hope it is short lived. I'm sorry that you think "Christians" are in a bad light. I am a Christian and I am not perfect but my Savior is. All of us do things, mostly without thinking, and we react wrongly. So sorry for your pain.
(P.S. I wonder how mom felt hearing she had enough money to live off of and to stop acting like she was poor. If not said with the right tone and intention, that could make anyone angry and defensive, no?)
Your brother and sister don't sound like they are very bright.
My MIL threatened to write my husband out of her will many times. She lived in low cost housing and had a little money in investments. By the time she died, she was in a Medicaid nursing home and there was nothing left.
My husband focuses on the good times he had with his mom growing up, not the crazy, dementia fueled rages that he experienced when she was old. And he has very little contact with his brothers. Their loss.
Find yourself a community of like-minded good people and join them in doing good in the world.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/written-out-of-will-why-is-my-mom-so-mean-457202.htm
You were right in not sending money when Mom can well afford to pay her way. I think brother wants as much as possible in Moms estate when she passes. Do u know that he really paid for his part?
In ur last post, you said Mom never loved you. I can understand continually trying to find that love but maybe Mom is not capable of giving it. Maybe she is a Narcissist and brother too. She plays you off each other and really doesn't love any one child.
If Mom ever needs LTC, that 80k will go fast. It will take about 8 months then brother can file for Medicaid. So in the end, her children will get nothing anyway.
No one can answer the question, "why doesn't she love me". There are a lot of members asking the same question. You may need to except (and it will be hard) she never will and distance yourself. I have a sense when someone doesn't like me, for whatever reason. So I don't engage. I may say Hi in the store. If in the same place, I stay as far away as I can. If I can't, I try not to sit near them. (I have a group of friends where one person tolerates me. So, I don't sit near her or join into the conversation if she started it) I don't need to subject myself to negative vibes. I have learned just to walk away.
Mothers Day is coming, I would send her a card. Maybe a check inside. But would not call or answer any calls where there could be any negativity and if u do pick up, as soon as there is any negativity say "I am not going to listen to you put me down and hang up. I bet out of all her children, you are the most compassionate and the one easily hurt. People play on this kind of personality because they know they can guilt you. You need to stand up for yourself and say I will no longer be abused. You can not change her but you can change you. You need to harden that heart a little. Only let the good vibes in.
AS MIL would say; THIS TO SHALL PASS.
and my mom: There's candy in the trunk.. !!! My brother was one of the first victims many years ago to be car-jacked in our area. Yup he was driving our family car... Fiat. The poor jerks who carjacked him, didn't know how to drive a stick shift :)
they didn't go far in that car, but messed up the manual transmission etc.. Unknown to them: It was his BIRTHDAY!!! And somebody gave him SEE's Candies... @!!!! :) AND unbeknownst TO THEM... My brother did not like chocolate... MOM N I HAD A GREAT TIME GETTING THE CAR out of quarantine. (sorry wrong word-can
't think of right one now)
WE had wonderful chocolate !!!
Most cases? Insurance will supply/pay for medical bed and whatever else she needs under medicaid.. etc.
When did you last see your mom? Who is taking you out of her WILL? Did she say this in person to you? IF SHE DID NOT SAY THIS IN PERSON TO YOU, SOMEONE IS GETTING UNDER YOUR SKIN....
Bed, medical beds are nothing to bark about.... QUESTION: QUESTION:
DID YOU AND YOUR MOM HAVE A CONVERSATION IN PERSON; FACE TO FACE ABOUT HER WILL?
HAVE YOU ACTUALLY SEEN HER WILL? DID YOU ACTUALLY HOLD HER LEGAL WILL IN YOUR HANDS? come on... SIBLINGS ARE PROBABLY PLAYING YOU.....
TELL MOM::: YOU WANT A LEGAL COPY OF THE WILL.. IF SHE WANTS TO PLAY THAT GAME... Honestly...I don't think
your mom would be dangling that "carrot" in front of you to make you jump...; she may not have the energyl
okay so I got that off my chest.... That carrot and wills are nothing really...$80K should be there to help your mom to live out her life in assisted living and other medical things she may need.
That $80K is enough to pay her hospital bed if her medicaid or social security or assited living does not...
Do your homework... seriously... And IF YOU NEED TO HELP OUT MORE, AND YOU ARE CLOSE BY... THEN STEP IN. !!! TAKE MOM TO APPOINTMENTS, TAKE HER TO LUNCH,,,, TAKE HER TO DOCTOR APPOINTMENT, FEED HER CATS OR DOGS... BE IN PHYSICAL TOUCH WITH HER IF YOU CAN.
TAKE HER TO THE GROCERIES, Make her appointments... you don't need to give her more cash,.... just attention....
Your siblings are doing the grunt work, it seems, and it seems they don't like that you are not contributing...
Step up to the plate if you can...take her to the movies, doctors, dentist, grocery, pharmacy. eye exam podiatrist,, pediatrics, oncologist, entomologist. etc.
be happy around her, be joy.... be fun.... laugh, good memories, funny memories.. I just did when I remembered by brother being car-jacked... He was happy, He was trying to help the damsel in distress.. not realizing she had her own agenda... with her guy friends..to carjack a guy.... oh well, life went on... Good news.. or just news.... if he took mom's car, it would have been full of gas and an automatic!!!
So another lesson,,, TEACH YOUR KIDS HOW TO DRIVE A STICK SHIFT.!!!