Follow
Share

He is independent and abusive. He doesn't require my help with most things, but he seems to have a very short fuse and is angry most of the time. Everyone seems to keep their distance now and there just isn't much life for us. I go to work daily and try to be patient, but I'm not holding up very well and feel like he is very unhappy - he tells me that being back in a relationship with me is the worst his life as ever been. (we were previously together, separated for many years and married ten years ago). Should I leave?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
You might want to talk to his MD about happy meds for him. Give it a try and if he won't take them, you should.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Some doctors can be such jerkwads! Maybe give it one more try and if the doc won't listen and your husband won't make any changes, then leave. There's no point in making yourself miserable with an unappreciative and angry husband. I'm sure he's frustrated at his situation and taking it out on you.

Strokes can also affect brain function, so he may have that going on too. Here's some info from a stroke association website: http://www.strokeassociation.org/STROKEORG/LifeAfterStroke/RegainingIndependence/EmotionalBehavioralChallenges/Personality-Changes-After-Stroke_UCM_309905_Article.jsp

But there's no reason why you should have to live with that anger if he's so miserable. Please keep us posted on how you're doing...
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Have to agree with Blannie. There's no reason why you should have to tolerate such insulting verbal abuse.

What kind of doctor is it that doesn't take you seriously? Has your husband seen a neurologist?

I think if you were married, then separated, and are now back together you know your husband well enough to know if this is his personality or if it's post-stroke personality. If the former, you need to think of yourself and make your own arrangements. No one should be dragged down by insults.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

If he's able to be independent, and he complains so ungraciously about being married to you, and you're not happy either…

Why are you still there?
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Kerrika, your husband may be angry because of the stroke, even though he's recovering well. A stroke, heart attack and/or other serious illness can challenge someone's perception of his/her strength and stability. For men, especially alpha males, I think this is such a blow to their own self perception that they become angry, and take it out on others. On the other hand, some can work harder to compensate for what's happened.

You might check local hospitals to see if they have stroke support groups and see if you can get your husband to go. If he won't, go yourself as you might get some inside information on why your husband has changed so much.

But try to stand up to him and don't let him bully you. To prevent visitors or phone calls is absolutely ridiculous. If he's trying to isolate you socially, that's a really bad sign of where he's heading.

From previous posts I've read, I suspect that someone with more experience than I on this issue will address the mental issue that could have changed because of the stroke. Did any of the doctors discuss this, i.e., what parts of his brain and personality might have been affected?

You might want to try to find a social worker, RN, or therapist who can provide insight as this situation seems to be going downhill quite rapidly. And it may be that some intervention will have to occur to protect you and your son. It certainly must be detrimental to your son's health, and he's just an innocent party as are you.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Particularly for men, depression can manifest almost totally as hostility as anger. Post-stroke depression is common as rain. Depression is contagious when you have to live with it day in and day out.

Your loved one may have a hard time accepting help and treatment, but it's needed...and you deserve help as well! It is possible that a person will see through the fog of depression and/or PTSD when gently told that the inability to return to normal homelife is staking a toll and becoming unbearable. Many will deny depression because they feel angry, not sad, but you can reply that many, many people, nearly everyone, can run into this problem of irritability after a stroke and that medications usually used for depression may help it. Sorry for the jerk head doc who thinks this is just usual marital bickering going on.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

ZMM, I know diddly about US benefits and social support systems so I'm sorry that I can't offer any suggestions about where you might find help.

But what I will say, in terms of having anyone to talk to, is that we're here - the forum may be only virtual, but you can come here any time and just say what you're thinking and how you're feeling. Sometimes simply getting the words out can be a relief.

As a start, though, you must have rescued your dogs *from* somewhere. Are you in touch with those people? People don't have to be in the same situation as each other, necessarily, to be like-minded.

Once the house is gone, where will you live? The car is already gone, which must make life difficult but at least it's one thing less to worry about.

If your husband moved to the Medicaid-accepting facility, what would happen? You're going to have to move anyway, so why not plan to move separately?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thanks, Pam, I'll try that. His doctor doesn't take me seriously. Every time I've tried to talk with the doctor about my husband's moods, he tries to joke with me and acts like all wives put their husbands in bad moods. You know, sometimes you really feel like giving up..
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My uncle had the same outcome from a stroke. He did require assistance during the day while my aunt worked. Prior to the stroke he was a kind and gentle bear of a man; after he was very hostile, angry and very loud and mean to my aunt. Because of his behavior overnight care was also necessary. We were always afraid he would knock her down when she tried to help him at night.

I don't know how my aunt put up with it for 10 years. She was a much better woman than I could ever be.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Do you have any updates on your situation? My husband had a stroke about two months ago and is recovering well. Recently he has become independent and verbally abusive. He is always frustrated with everyone and everything. No one is allowed to come to my house or to call the phone. He shouts and swears at me and our son whenever we try to help or ask if he needs things. This is horrifying. I have become depressed and find myself crying all the time. I have to work and function to pay the bills while he is unwell but is constant anger is wearing me thin. I really wanted to be there for him now I want to leave.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter