Moved back to my parents house in 2012 with my 2 kids after a divorce. It seemed like a great idea since I could help them pay mortgage and the kids would get to know the grandparents better.
They were completely independent back then and now that my mother is in a pre-Alzheimer’s state their relationship has deteriorated even more. They were never the model couple in their 52 years of marriage, but they usually got along enough. As soon as my father starts drinking (it’s a daily thing for him about 10-12 liters of wine or more per week) he becomes extra sensitive and verbally abusive and sometimes physically towards everyone but especially towards her. She is no saint either (we have all seen it) sometimes she pushes him and he falls because he’s had too much alcohol and very often instigates him by making comments on his ever growing belly. I have always denied to myself that he is an alcoholic mainly because I’ve seen him control the habit - we have been having yearly challenges where we all stop drinking for a month and he has no problem doing that and becomes a much better person during that month period.
Since 2018 my mother has been showing signs of Alzheimer’s and my father drinks more and more every day. When I am home she is usually with me since we live in a 2 family home and lately I ask her not to go downstairs and sleep in the guest bedroom because I know it more than likely result in an argument of some sort.
Lately mother has been crying a lot and regretting not having left him earlier in her life, usually after some kind of argument but nevertheless worrisome. I see her very depressed sometimes and only happy when she’s with me, I see him depressed and drinking excessively on a daily basis.
She has been asking to go see a lawyer and get a divorce, what can be done at this point where her mind is not what it used to be and she is not able to recall events of the day before but remembers something wrong happened.
They often create a very toxic environment around them because of the constant bickering.
As a concerned older son I feel that I have to do something about it. My uncle from my mother’s side is close in age to me and feels the same - we have to do something. My daughter moved out of the house after graduating from high school and went to live and study in the UK. My sister after an unexpected divorce also moved to the UK so I am alone with my teenage son and uncle on this.
There’s a lot more to say but at this point I have to start somewhere looking for answers. We are an honest hardworking family and I just can’t let this happen to us.
I appreciate your help and expertise.