Does anyone out there have an elderly parent who won't listen to you at all?

Look up some info about dementia on this site. That may be what you are dealing with. Stubborn elders who refuse help is one of the most common dilemmas discussed on this forum.

Of course our parents aren't going to listen to us, we are just the "kids" and what do we know :P

If I said to my mom "Mom, don't go out into the street, you'll get hit by a car" she would go lay down in the middle of the road.

I just typed in "stubborn" in the search bar above and more than a dozen posts came up. My inlaws have been stubborn for the past 5+ years and MIL is not demented. FIL has something going on but the onset/timing still doesn't explain why he too was so stubborn. In my opinion, if a person was always self reliant but in old age become dependent they can be just plain old stubborn.

Rigid? I know a woman who is living with her mother, providing 24/7 care to a mom who is legally blind, CHF, memory losses, trouble walking and the mother insists that the daughter pay rent for living there. And the daughter pays!!

Yes, it seems like the only sweet elderly ladies and gentlemen I know are NOT related to me..... Elders being stubborn - I think they are trying to maintain their independence and just like I don't like being told what to do - neither do they. While they are getting more helpless, they are still adults.

That being said - when I am concerned about an elder - I try to speak with them gently in a "here is what I see and it makes me worried" or I bring up with their doctor. My dad listens to his doctor, my mom doesn't, so only batting 50% there.

In other areas - I have seen issues looming and have had to step back and let the elder face the consequences of their stubbornness. My dad refused to use a walker so my step mom and I refused to help him up and would call 911 when he fell. After a few times of waiting for over an hour (they are rural), he started to use the walker. We are very lucky he didn't ever hurt himself with a fall.

I have no advice - it is frustrating. I have to tell myself that as long as they are competent - they can make their own decisions. Even bad ones. And I pray that the consequences are "lessons" and not "life ending".

My mother is like that. Its extremely frustrating. Her mind is fine. I want to help her but she won't take suggestions. From anyone. She has always been rigid and had to do things her way. Trying to learn to distance myself emotionally. Otherwise I'll destroy myself.

Kimber, your last paragraph hit home for me. Bad decisions that can be lessons or life ending. So true. I've been trying very diplomatically for the last couple of years to talk to my folks about in home care or moving to assited living. I've given up. Dad has dementia, there's no convincing him of ANYTHING and Mom just sees it as a threat so I don't say anything any longer. So, just waiting for the next "Life Lesson" which may or may not be fatal.

Windyridge - I certainly hope the next event is a life lesson!!! I just took care of my dad for a weekend so my step mom could get away. He is using his walker, but on Sunday morning - I hear "help, help!!" at 5 am. He fell sitting back into his chair to watch TV and cut his forehead and needed stitches. I had to call the ambulance because he can't get in / out of cars. It was pretty scary for my 7 year old - the early morning ambulance and all of the blood. thank goodness I was there even if I couldn't prevent a fall. But, we used this, and my son's upset, to reason with him about why we always have someone with him, that no - he cannot be left home alone, and that is why my step mom has people come in when she needs to get groceries etc (he yells about it and the cost).

Good luck to you with your parents - love them, pray for them, and do what you can.

Same deal here. I'm just waiting for the next train wreck.