If elderly parent has joint account only with one child, will other children be disinherited from those accounts?

I tried to get sis on mom's account, but she could not make the time to go to the bank and provide her signature. I watch out for bills, taxes, legal stuff and simple medical. Mom is still independent, but bored so sis invites her over on weekends. There is a will, but, with one or not, I would never think to do anything other than what they wished. Pay bills, sell remaining assets, split profits, and like Jeanie, by the time all is said and done, we may be toasting at MacDonalds.

All I know is I honored my mother's wishes and the terms of her will. Whether they were probatable or not. She wanted her family whole in her passing and I made d*mn sure it happened.

Oh good grief, my name was on everything Mom had. Never ever ever entered my mind not to split everything 4 ways. It didn't matter who did what or didn't do what. I will never understand some people. Legal and what is right are two different things and God help those who do not know the difference.

My name is on my mother's main accounts. If anything is left when she dies, I will split it all according to the will. We'll have to see what the best way to do it is. If I could just have the money paid out of the accounts to each, it would avoid probate. But if the money will be taxed as income we'll have to put the money into the estate account first.

I was joint on my mother's checking account, DPOA and when she died, the Executor of the state. When everything was done, I made sure everthing was split evenly to include the joint checking account. My sisters and I inherited $70,000 a piece. Right now that money is just sitting in a savings account and I haven't touched it. It makes me ill knowing that the money is there, but not my mother. Squabbling over what is fair and not fair or what due rights you have to a future inheritence is unconscionable. A human being is not a bargaining chip to what is fair or not fair or how future assets can be divided up upon their death.

mom put me on her bank account years ago and I did not know it until she broke her hip and I had to take charge, I am an only child. I do have dur POA. since she's been in my home, I have actually used her money for personal use I did not know that I was not suppose to use it that way. how can I correct this? she may need to go to nursing home in near future.

no savings, but joint account with daughter who receive retirement and social security only

As Chaucer said "the chickens will come home to roost".

I know what you are feeling we [my family} and I took mom in when she could no longer be on her own. her demensia is getting worse and my one brother who could help does not he has poa and is slowly cleaning out her bank acounts, new windows in his house etc... mom dosen't know this and wouldn't understand anyway. He has always been the golden boy. My other brother packed up and moved to florida, we live in N.J. we are so in debt we will never see daylight. I have asked for the money mom can gift to her children and he always has an excuse. The only thing I can do is be happy mom is here and know I am doing my best! I believe in karma [what goes around comes around] and someday karma will catch up with him.

Also Ted, is you father still alive? It is never too late to explain to him what is happening. He can change this. Some elderly people do not realize that when they add a child to their joint accounts, cd's or any other bank instrument, it becomes the property of the joint holders. This overrides the will. Good luck. I know how you feel.

I am so sorry. Your sister has taken advantage of you and your father. You do need to see a lawyer, you may have more of a case than you think. I hope she can live with herself knowing she has done this to you. My mother put my brother on her checking account (40 to 80K) I told her it was now my brother's money and she just blew me off. I will sue if things are not divided. So sad that parents don't sit down with their children and discuss openly things so this sort of things can't happen.

I have to jump in here...

My father always insisted that EVERYTHING would be divided equally among his children, He was adamant about this, -specifically to avoid the pain we are discussing here. His Will explicitly backs this up.

However, for convenience sake, he added my sister's name to his account as "Joint Tenant With Right of Survivorship" (so she claims -but will not allow me to verify without a court compelled accounting), leaving me out completely.

His accounts were fairly large.

To make matters worse, I am sole caregiver for our mom, who is NOT a part of the estate (divorce) and I desperately need my share to continue to care for mom at home, I get NO help at all from my sister or anybody, and the frustration of having to try and give mom the best possible care on her small budget alone, while knowing that I should have so much cash coming to me is starting to have a bad effect on my role as caregiver, it makes it all so much more difficult and heart-breaking than it already is or than it has to be.
What was intended as a loving gift that my father was so proud to be able to give to me has become an infuriating, hurtful, frustrating and crazy-making burden due to my sister’s petty greed.

I will continue to slog through with mom's quality of life as my priority, and try to put the pain of the problems with dad's estate aside. I just can’t afford, financially, mentally, or emotionally, to face a long, expensive painful court process right now, but I do plan to proceed against my sister as soon as I can, if only to stand up for myself and my rights, and to defend my father’s final wishes.

tigerlily - Mom still knows all of us family/kids/etc, but short term memory is pretty bad. We think the alzheimers meds may be plateauing, besides the fact she just moved to another assisted living facility last month and all the move would have a serious impact on her mental state/confusion factors even if she is more content there.

tigerlily - yes Mom has dementia and lately has been complaining of dizzy spells and blacking out, and now my younger sister who hasn't said a word to us about this has said she's moving up Mom's next doctor appointment because it's a concern. She has a little nestegg which would be sufficient for her care for about 10 yrs or so approximately.

madge1 - I know you are right, and Mr. Robbins. My mom has always always has enabled my younger sister and let her take advantage of her because she thought she was being a good mother and helping her youngest daughter. Our sister has always always cried 'they are ganging up' or excluding me. Neither my older sister nor I have ever deliberately tried to do that growing up because our Dad didn't allow it. If my older sister and I got to do something, we are closer in age, then usually our younger sister 'had' to come too. Her crying 'they are excluding me' has worked for my younger sister ALL of her life and Mom has always let it. She did the same thing with the legal papers, saying if either my older sister or I had 'control' then we'd be ganging up on her and SHE would have no chance. So in effect she has silenced US and she won. Our younger sister has ALWAYS cried 'victim' or 'not her fault', even when she declared bankruptcy, and Mom gave her $10K and let my sister sign her car over to her with a promissory note so it wouldn't be taken by bankruptcy. I think that was illegal, but not my life. A couple of months ago - my sister had Mom sign the car back over so Mom's name doesn't appear on it. Mom has enabled my sister's manipulative abilities for years, especially since Dad (voice of reason) died 10 years ago. Yes trying to learn this situation just IS and my older sister and I have to just resign ourselves to it. It's possible when all is said and done our younger sister will do the right thing by all of us, but we won't know till then. Thanks, madge1, it's encouraging to hear support from someone who understands.

NoVoice, is your mother suffering from dementia or Alzheimer? Does she have a lot of money? Is it worth worrying yourself sick over?

NoVoice, Hi. I have three daughters. Love each one more than life. If one of them came to me, especially in tears,. and told me how much my actions had hurt them, I would just die. When I look at it this way I realize Mr. Robbins is correct, this is psychological. My Mom is truly messed up and I have got to learn not to care. That is very hard when you loved your Mom as most people normally do. I am still struggling and probably always will. Take a real hard look at your Mom, why she let your sister manipulate her, why she doesn't care she is hurting her other two children. Acknowledge your Mom's real part in this. Then try to put it away. If she is like my Mom, she will not change, ever. And you and your sister will continue to suffer. I wish you the best.

because she doesn't seem to care when we have talked with her about the issue, doesn't seem to care that she might have disinherited us. She doesn't seem to want to correct the issue either. So, seems we have to just resign ourselves to being disinherited and the selfish manipulative sister will get everything

NoVoice, if you know that your mom did not intend to disinherit you why are you hurt?

Mr. Robbins - I think from what I see in my research it's commonly done to put a child joint on an account to help with bills, NOT knowing the ramifications it can have on 'estates'. Some children however DO know what it means, and I think they possibly take advantage of the parents ignorance and can claim 'it's whatever MOM wanted'.

I will be very honest here. My mother is a very simple woman. She is not complicated, she is not deep or philosophical. She admits to everyone that legal jargon just confuses her and you can see the 'glazed' look come into her eyes.

I know that her putting my youngers sister(POA) on the account was FOR CONVENIENCE ONLY and I know deep inside that my mom did NOT COMPREHEND what that would mean for her 'estate', I know deep inside that Mom would not 'intend' to disinherit my older sister and myself.

My older sister and I love our mother very much, we are also very hurt.

Wow. This is certainly a hot topic. And one that I encounter in my work with families all the time.

The question I always come up with for myself is: Where is the love?

Of course family dynamics are always exacerbated by stress.

This is more a psychological issue than a financial one that I am very much interested in exploring further....

No, the hurt will never go away, and it's so hard to deal with the fact that Mom just does NOT get it, even after my older sister and I have tried to explain how hurt we are, how we feel unworthy. She just says 'I wanted to make it 'simple''. And then of course our younger sister who has been manipulative of her all our lives just keeps telling Mom what she wants Mom to believe, and Mom just 'goes along'....

NoVoice, this is exactly what is hurting me. At least your Mom originally wanted all of you involved. Mom told my brother not to tell me anything because she claims I asked my Dad for money to feed my children (1. I never asked, 2. My husband and I are and have always been financially fine, and 3. She wouldn't give money to feed her grandkids??? what?). I need no money then or now from her. just trust. My husband thinks she is nuts, maybe, but she has no dementia and is in excellent health. If I received no inheritance I will be fine. But the hurt will never go away, it gets better, but not gone.

With my younger sister, she'll send these long emails and like say 'if you want to help...' and then when I respond I can help, she never responds.... I know she only puts words like that in the email so she can 'look good', look like she's reaching out when she doesn't mean it at all. She loves her powertrip.

With my older sister and me, it's the hurt that Mom caused by not giving us any legal role. My younger sister, Mom and I HAD WORKED OUT and MOM AGREED to how ALL three of us could have a role between POA/HCPOA/Executor, and the attorneys office (my younger sister's bankruptcy atty's office - for 14 yrs - gotta love that) questioned if MOM REALLY wanted to make all those changes and Mom felt intimidated and backed out and put younger sister on EVERYTHING.

My older sister and I have always been responsible and caring and kept in touch with Mom regularly and etc, we feel like we've been rejected as 'unworthy'. Mom really does not understand AT ALL how much she hurt my older sister and me. She doesn't understand at all that she inadvertently disinherited us. Funny our younger sister said in an email that 'Mom would never reject you'.... gee guess what.....

NoVoice, I will make sure Mom spends down her's. Especially if my brother is in control of everything. He and his family are so "busy" they really pay her very little attention. So assisted living will eat a big hole in her money and a nursing home. She a very healthy 81. I am stubborn and won't be taken advantage of.

NoVoice, I read your posts and it stirred up all the anger I feel toward my Mom and Brother all over again. It is so demoralizing to think you have to wait for a "handout" from a sibling. Or by "their" good graces you get something when you are your Mom's child too. It is not the money with me but the way I have been treated. And alot of the way I was treated as a child. Mom does have a great deal of money but since my brother doesn't share information with me, I don't know what is going on. And that is the problem.

wish my Mom didn't have as much savings as she does.... really really

madge1 - I TOTALLY understand EXACTLY where you are, because my older sister and I are in the EXACT same spot. It's nice to know others are in the same situation. I just hate the part that when Mom dies, my younger sister will automatically get everthing. Will she do the 'right thing' and split it with our older sister and me? Who knows..... try not to think about that

I wish my Mom could read this. She has my brother on her checking account and at one time had up to 80K in it. I explained to her by doing this she has given him all of the money in this. And to solve this put both of us on it or have it set up to become part of her estate upon her death. She just blew me off and acted like I should be ashamed to not trust my brother. She doesn't want me on her accounts because she thinks I want money (not one ounce of truth there). She also made him her POA, executor of the will and just about everything else. At first I was hurt but the more I read on this site the more I am glad to not be involved with these two coconuts. I will do what I have been included in, very little. Sometimes i read about all the anger people have at siblings who "won't help", but sometimes there are those of us who have been good kids, no expense to their parents and no trouble, ever. And we get treated like crap. So we keep our distance, we have to.