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All,


I am not a caregiver, but I am worried about an elderly neighbor of mine.


Several times recently we have been woken up to our elderly neighbor trying to walk into our house. He doesn't know where he is and goes in a circle of the several houses close to his banging on the doors and trying to open them.


The first time this happened, our security door was unlocked and he kept swinging it open, it was 3AM, and we don't have a peep-hole or window overlooking our door and don't live in the best neighborhood so we ended up calling the cops thinking someone was trying to rob us, to later see the cops were escorting him home (also, it was about 30 degrees and he was in his underwear).


After we've known it was him, since then I've taken him back to his house and locked his door to keep him in.


His daughter is supposed to be his caregiver, but she lives separately to him. She has been informed of these incidents, but still lives separately. I don't know either of them well, before this I had probably had 3 conversations with the old guy when out walking my dogs.


Should I report this to Adult Protective Services, or something else? I believe he is a danger to himself if he continues to live without any supervision. He could die of exposure, get hit by a car, or walk into the wrong house and catch a bullet. But I also don't want him to be forced out of his house. Especially now...if I called something in and he was taken to an adult care facility that ended up having an outbreak of COVID-19, I don't know how I'd handle that.


So please, any advice?

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Yes, you should call the authorities - Adult Protective Services.
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Please,please,please report this to Adult protective services before a serious incident occurs. He is not safe to live alone. The reporting usually is anonymous and I know everyone is concerned about facilities and coronavirus, but his safety is paramount. Area Agency on Aging will determine the least restrictive environment that is the safest for him and meets his needs.
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Call the police department and ask them to look up the incident and request that the officer call you back. Then you can ask the officer if the man's daughter was notified about him being lost, outside, so late at night. If you don't get any results that route, call the police each time he is found wandering so there is a record and ask them to contact the daughter each time, too. When you call, explain that he is living alone and apparently has dementia - since he can't recognize his own home to get back inside. It is time for his daughter to do something about this situation.
This is a disaster in the making. He could easily be one of those people who wanders into a very dangerous situation. Even if he ended up in a facility and exposed to corona, it is far better than being lost, alone, and possibly an even worse end.
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Definitely report this immediately to Protective Services! What a caring and kind neighbor you are!! Alert the police and I would tell your neighbors to be on the lookout for his safety.
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The daughter may have NO ability to force her father into a care facility or to hire care. She is waiting for a crisis or outside intervention.

Call APS!
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I look at it this way. The daughter has to see a change in her Dad when she sees him. I find people don't appreciate other people in their business. The OP says she does not really know these people. OP says the daughter has been informed. This is why the police need to be called every time. Eventually they will tell her to do something or they will.
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worriedinCali Mar 2020
I think you are giving the police too much credit. This is an issue for APS not the police. The police will likely not do anything except continually take him home. And in today’s climate they probably won’t even do that unless it’s snowing out.
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Yes, you should report these incidents to APS. They won't force him out of his house if there is any possible alternative - much too difficult and expensive! :) But they will bring home both to him and to any responsible parties that he's at risk and doing nothing about it is no longer an option.
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Call his daughter and voice your concerns.
Swe if she can get someone to spend the nights there to keep the doors locked so he won't wonder the streets.
It certainly wouldn't be a good time for him to be sent to a home with this Virus Outbreak.
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Breaks my heart when I get the Silver Alerts of lost elders. Yes please call the police when you see this. It isn’t about getting anyone in trouble as someone else suggested but only about keeping him safe and hopefully getting him the help he needs. If he wanders too far and gets lost it could be a real problem. Hopefully they can figure out why he feels the need to leave the house in the first place. Nice of you to care.
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Speak to the caregiver about it. It sounds like it's time for him to have someone with him at all times, or move to an assisted living facility. It's dangerous for people who get confused about where they are to be wandering by themselves. He could get seriously lost and disoriented.
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Hell yeah, report it!!!
I detest these cold, indifferent children! Daughter is just after a paycheck. Report her and your name should be withheld.
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jacobsonbob Mar 2020
I wouldn't be quite so quick to assume that. Perhaps the daughter doesn't fully comprehend how serious this is, and that it's not going to go away on its own.
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Call 911 each time. The authorities can get Adult Protective Services involved if they are needed.
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Yes report to APS and 911
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Te people who suggest APS have no idea what's going on over there. If the caregiver locks the elder IN he/she gets it wrong. Why dont you ask the person in charge what you can do to help. Maybe they have tried everything. Dont go assuming THEY DO NOTHING. Maybe some social worker threatened the caregiver. You just dont know until you ask. If you bvb want to get involved, your first step shouldn't be CALL 9-1-1.
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DILKimba Mar 2020
SO, since she does not know the family, should she let this elderly person with dementia wander the streets in his underwear in below zero weather? She should call the police because the family may need the documentation to help them get the help they so obviously need.
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The simple answer is YES!!! What are you waiting for?? I had the same problem with my 83 year old neighbor but she would get in her car and get lost!! She would yell for me outside on her porch in below zero weather!!! She had a telephone and my number was right by her phone in big numbers!! I contacted her daughter in Florida and said you need to get her and put her where she’ll be safe!!! Her daughter flew in and within 2 weeks I put her on a plane and her daughter picked her up from airport (direct flight 1 hour and 20 minute) she is now safe in a nursing home that deals with dementia and Alzheimer’s!! So yes call protective services before he gets hurt or ends up dead!!!
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We have a neighbor  across the street and the police keep bringing him home after he gets lost.  He goes 2 doors down & bangs on the door because it is the same house as there's.  He lives with his daughter, husband and 2 kids.  He is a drinker and has ALS. His daughter is the caregiver but she works part time and her husband works full time.  They are really nice people but last week they took him out of the house in an ambulance.  I'm concerned.
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I feel badly when I learn of someone living alone, struggling to cope but challenged by circumstances over which he has no control.

It may be that the daughter has no idea what to do, and that she could use guidance as well.

I think I'd divide the issues this way:

1.   Ease and ability to leave his house at any time, apparently w/o anyone knowing.

2.   Confusion, loss of sense of direction and related issues once he's outside, including ability to return to his own home.

3.    Safe return home once he is found.

Then I'd try to get together with the daughter and go over these issues.    Give her the chance to do something, but do determine if she's overwhelmed and lacking coping skills, or if she's not able or interested in helping.

It wouldn't hurt for her to contact the police and ask for suggestions.   There might be ankle bracelets like those for parolees, which the man could wear and which would monitor his wanderings.    If connected to the daughter's Internet, or by some technical means (I'm not knowledgable on these issues), a monitoring system could provide an alert to a company, to the daughter, or PD.  

An alert pendant might be able to provide the same early warning, although typically they're motion sensitive when someone leans over or falls.   It's worth exploring by the daughter though.  

When my father fell, his pendant monitoring service called me as soon as it detected a change in posture.   If the man puts on shoes, such an alarm could notify the daughter, but not if he goes outside barefooted.

She could also explore alarm systems that alert her.   I believe this is possible through Internet connected systems, but the house would probably have to be wired for Internet.  

The issue then would be someone locating him and taking him back home, and this could be harder to resolve, finding someone to get up in the middle of the night to bring him home, if the daughter isn't available or willing.

One of the posters here is married to a policeman.  I'm going to ask her if she has any suggestions for monitoring.
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gemswinner12 Mar 2020
He would probably find a way to take the device off, and how do you keep it charged? My Dad has a necklace alert pendant, but he bought it and knows how to use it.
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In hindsight, you should have called the police every time he wanders. Eventually, they would have called APS. No, I wouldn't call the daughter. Let APS do that. I would not get involved anymore than I have to. The call to APS is private.

Call APS explaining the Police have taken him home and you have escorted him back. You really do not know the family well, just a hi in passing. You are worried about the man, could they please investigate the situation. You have done what you could. If APS falls down on the job, then call the police every time the man gets out. Eventually, the Police will do something. And all the neighbors should complain about him banging on their doors in the middle of the night.

Please, don't feel bad if placing him in LTC results in him passing. He is not safe where he is. You have no way of knowing what dangerous things he is doing behind closed doors. So its a catch 22 no matter how u look at it.
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Yes, keep calling the police to document. You would be surprised how much capacity an elder is still deemed to have under the law even though their behavior demonstrates otherwise. Without documented behavioral problems APS may have trouble stepping in. And please don’t judge the daughter or family. They may have done everything they can and have hit that brick wall of futility. Oftentimes with stubborn seniors something really bad needs to happen before anything can change.
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If that was my father, I absolutely would pray for a concerned neighbor such as you. My parents have the exact opposite with hospice, therapist, and pcas. They are afraid of my sibling. Keep telling me they see neglect but nothing. I agree with having conversations (unless you fear for your safety), police every single time, and APS. I wonder if you can contact a local home health agency and let them know you know of someone that may need help.

I fear the worse if he keeps knocking on doors.
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Absolutely agree! Inform APS. They are trained in the best way to proceed with these types of situations. They will determine the level of safety the patient is presently in and if there is a need for higher level of care. The daughter may want to help but has no idea where to start, APS will provide resources and assist her with options to best suit the situation. The more documented incidents the stronger the case for need to provide a safe environment. Take the burden of responsibility off of yourself and hand it to those who have expertise, APS. It’s the best thing you can do for both the man AND his daughter.
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If you know how to contact the daughter I think I would let her know that reporting him (and her!) to APS is the next move if you find him outside 1 more time. Or, if you talk to your neighbor you may want to ask if he has OTHER children to see if you can contact them. They might be totally oblivious to what is happening. Him moving into a facility, even now, is not the worst that could happen. At least he'd be receiving proper care and be protected. Most NHs have been on lockdown for a few weeks now and so far, so good. Bless you for caring!
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This gentleman needs a higher level of support than he is getting. This is not a question of "his daughter should move in with him". This may well be that he is still competent to make his own decisions and he has decided that it's fine that he lives by himself.

The only way to get him the care he needs is to report him to APS and yes, i would alert the police when he is wandering the neighborhood.

Find out if you have a "community policing" number in your locale and call them to discuss this situation.
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You should absolutely report to APS. I’d also call the police every time it happens, they will document it. Thank you for being a neighbor who cares
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