Elderly Mother refusing to social distance and stop having people in her house.

I should stop trying to explain, and stop going to her house.

I'm not being flippant - I genuinely can't see what else you can do. I also can't see what your mother needs you to be there for, seeing as she has all the little helpers she seems to want.

Besides. Unless you have a really, really good reason to be in somebody's house, you shouldn't be entering it anyway.

Unless your mother has dementia she’s free to make her own choices, even those considered bad ones. You don’t have to participate in them. If she wants helpers and they are all comfortable with it, then let it be. Take care of your own family and leave mom to it

Either she is purposely ignoring you as you say or she isn’t capable of understanding it at this time. The fact remains that it simply doesn’t matter.

It is extremely frustrating for you. I get that but you shouldn’t go see her. You know this. You acknowledge this. You don’t have any problem understanding the situation yourself. She is the one with the problem. Leave it there. Let it go. Don’t make it your problem any longer. You are wasting your breath and upsetting yourself.

Can you think of anyone else that could speak to her that she may possibly listen to? Can you type up a letter with a warning that looks official and would scare her? Or would she ignore that too?

Serious denial. You need to stay away unless she wises up, and tell her why.
truth

Sounds like there is a little cognitive decline here.

Do you have the phone number of the helper? If so, I would call her and tell her she needs to take every precaution she needs to to keep Mom safe. Thats washing her hands when she comes into Moms house. Keeping her coat and items away from Moms. Wearing a mask. And allowing No One into the apt and that means her husband. Because he is still working, he is a risk to your mother. If this helper is from an agency, call them and tell them Mom is being put at risk because of the husband. To please have helper stop allowing husband in and she is to be abiding by all precautions.

Now for you and family. You should not be entering Moms apt. You all should be staying at home. Only going out when in need of food or excercize. If Mom needs anything, you leave it outside her apt door.
Not sure why people don't understand what "stay in place" means. Can't do much about Mom. But u can protect your family.

You will just have to not visit and not help her to protect your own family.

We have a client we should be shielding. NOBODY should be setting foot over her threshold without a clinical or substantial personal care justification. There isn't one. I was sent to her house several times this week, and by day 3, when I was in a cold sweat at the thought of infecting her on the pretext of emptying her bedside commode (this lady cleans her own bathtub, vacuums her stair carpet and changes her bedlinen - slowly, but she does), I told my bosses I could not feel justified in being in her house. We are doing *nothing*.

Review Officer went to see her next day with a view to ending service. Problem: client insists she needs one call a day. As she herself told me yesterday: our visits make her feel safe. In vain did I explain to her that, on the contrary, we are putting her at risk. "Just knowing you're coming" she said, gives her peace of mind. I suggested a phone call instead. Her family already does that.

She has anxiety. She has angina. Angina causes anxiety, anxiety causes angina. If ending service stresses her out so badly that when the paramedics are called her bp is up around 190 systolic (today) ...

What the heck are we to do?

Quarantining works, for sure. In fact it's a no-brainer - as long as *all* you have to consider is disrupting the spread of this virus. Not every exceptional case is as extreme as this one, either. Before long we will have to consider the unintended consequences of quarantining in more depth.

The timing of moving is not ideal but moving house is an essential thing & if it has to be done, just have to limit the risks she can. I certainly would need helpers to move house, couldn't do it alone.

Do you think she understands the severity of the situation? Is that the problem?

My folks still have carers making house calls (needed) & were still shopping too. We've had a few chats about minimising all the risks they can. Setting up deliveries where possible etc.

I get you would be worried for your Mother's safety, but am not clear why it endangers you, your wife or kids? You don't visit her. She doesn't visit you right? If so, stop now. Doesn't have to be a threat like 'stop this Mother or I won't see you'. Just "we are not visiting for a while. It's safer for ALL of us".

I would say that as long as she refuses to social distance she is very much at risk and you should tell her you will not be seeing her, as she puts you at risk. Sorry. They say by the new Iceland studies that as many as 50% of us show NO symptoms and are merely carriers. She may not have the mental capacity at present to absorb what is happening in her world, but she is at risk by her behavior, and seeing her puts others at risk.

I was talked with an old friend the other day. Her dad lives in NJ and is in his 70s. He is goi g out shopping every day because "I like fresh bread". She loves in Texas. I told her that she can't stop a competent person from making really bad decisions.

I would not endanger myself by going to see her.