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That's exactly why I'm eating all the fat, salt and sugar I want and hopefully I will die of complications from doing that WAY before I get dementia, loose my mind and put my family through h*ll. I think I would be too "chicken" to commit suicide but I see why Robin Williams took the road he did. I don't want anyone having to take care of me!
This faze is short, my mothers inquiries are weak now, she doesnt press for answers anymore....
It got to the point where, as in soap operas goes, haha, there are too many characters involved. The dad, step mom, sister, boyfriend, boyfriend's brother, you get my drift.
Ok, so at one point the bright writer decided that 2 ladies were going to have a baby at the veeeeery same time, and the babies were going to be switched from one mom to the other......................................I am confused, ahhahaha..................
unending question: WHOSE BABY IS THAT ONE???????????????
I was pretty frustrated because here WE are WATCHING together IN peace AND she IS interrupting THE soap WITH the QUESTION of the BABY..............
Grabbed a piece of paper and wrote:
Felicia's baby is dead.
Margarita's baby is alive.
When she started to ask WHOSE.....................I would point to her paper. HAHA, just like Mica 393, exactly like it, so while mom fumbled on end table looking for paper, I kept watching.
Then I decided: NO MORE SOAPS! NO MORE! I AM GOING NUTS HERE!
Now we only watch "no brainer" things, like oh, we reeeeeaaaally like the Steve Harvey show on Sunday nights where he has small children "prodigies", uf, cannot remember the name of it..............hahahaha, one of you is going to point to a paper and SHOW ME!!!
I couldn't do that but I sure identified with the feeling!
She would put the paper into her purse and ask the question again-
I would point to her purse and she would fiddle with the purse and take out the piece of paper and read it.
The elapsed time of the zipping and unzipping and folding and unfolding the paper gave her something to DO and me some time inbetween the inevitable question..... where I would again Point at the purse.
Let me say that I was not endowed with a lot of patience, so...
My solution is:
DO things (go for a ride, play cards, play scrabble, eat...)
At this stage, conversation is no longer entertainment; it is a kind of ordeal.
Keep visits frequent and short. I stay as long as I can handle it (about 40-60 minutes). I visit every day...almost.
I used to say, "Do you remember you just asked me that and I told you", but I stopped because I know she doesn't remember the previous 9 times. Sometimes I'll ask her what SHE thinks is the answer and that might be enough to distract her, thinking of how to reply.
"Redirecting" to a different topic might or might not work. Taking her out on the patio might be enough of a distraction to stop the questions.
When I have my "Popeye moment" ("It's all I can stands and I can't stands no more" (right before the can of spinach pops out of my shirt)...then we have to leave. Sometimes, after 20 replies, you just can't say it again. I will chomp on my spinach during the week and will be ready for more of the same at next Sunday's visit.
I keep reminding myself just how lost she must feel. She's actually cut down on the questions a bit, so I'm hopeful that she's not feeling as insecure. The first few nights after ALL day questions, I told her it was time to relax our brains and get "lost" in the tv shows. That actually seemed to work, only because evening TV and or reading has always been a part of her routine.
Forgot how to read the calendar, so I have 10 calendars all over the house for decorative purposes only. ?.....haha
Ah, I said, I will write what day it is on a white erase board, well 2.
Hallway and kitchen.
She forgot to look at it, so it goes,
Breathe in, control your tone of voice, and state what day it is.
Easy, but she has no clue whatsoever that it is her favorite question.
I will have a nervous breakdown if I take it personally.
Once during a hurricane, we had lost power, and I had four over 80 at my house. One with diagnosed dementia. Another not far behind. She would say, in a very conversational tone, not complaining."Why don't you turn on the lights." Then I would hear another say. "that's what I asked her!" Sometimes I would explain that the power was out. " ohhhh, she would say". Then she would ask again and I would say
" whoops, I guess I forgot". She would say something like " don't worry honey, I forget all the time." Then. " where's my purse" would start up interchangeable with " why don't you turn on the lights?"
There were 12 other adults in the house and 4 dogs. No little kids. It was still a zoo. Every time someone would come into the kitchen where the elders were gathered, they would good naturedly say " why don't you turn on the lights." Or " Where's my purse. " we would all laugh and the elders would laugh too.
It's a happy memory now but it was temporary. Two of them died within 90 days of that event.
I think if you can distract and bring up another subject it can sometimes help. They truly don't remember that they just asked the question or the answer you gave. Distract yourself as well with deep breathing or kegals or touching your toes.
Others will come along and give you what works for them. Hugs to you and mom.
Remember that each time she asks you the question, it's like the first time for her. So, she's not likely to know why you are impatient with your answer. And telling her that she is repeating herself is not helpful, because she may not believe you and plus, she won't remember it and she will ask you again anyway.
What I ended up doing with my loved one was repeating the answer as calmly as possible as often as she asked me, and after hundreds of times, I would try to change the subject. So, I would switch the conversation to her hairstyle, her outfit, her photos, the weather, lunch, anything else. I might give a short answer to her question and then move on to another topic as to avoid her dwelling on that one thing.
Often the question can be an obsession that they get stuck on. Like, when am I going home? Where is my husband? (He may be deceased.) No answers will likely satisfy them, no matter how often you repeat it, since it's constantly running in their head. Even writing it down, will not work, since they don't have the focus to read it and often cannot process the written words.
There are a lot of threads on this sight about this question. I'd read them and develop your own way of dealing with your mom based on her situation and condition.