Elderly Mom has cancer. Any advice on treatment options?

She has seen too many people in her community (far younger and healthier than her) suffer horribly through chemo.

She just witnessed her pastor turn into a shell of his former self over the past 2 yrs with chemo and then die. One of her close friends has been battling lung cancer and getting chemo and having a rough time.

I accompanied her to her first oncologist appt this week. Dr asked her what she was willing to tolerate as treatment. She said NO CHEMO. He said most elderly say that. He did not push her at all.

She has good insurance.

UPDATE- My mother had a lumpectomy today. There was no cancer found in her lymph nodes, we were so relieved.

If you want to learn and have a clearer and better understanding of the various Breast Cancer types and treatment options - I would strongly recommend www.breastcancer.org website.

The tumor size, hormone receptor type and any positive lymph nodes are factors used to stage breast cancer. A smaller tumor that has not spread may be removed by lumpectomy versus mastectomy which is no longer encouraged except for large tumors over a certain size. Sometimes in older patients they may not even do radiation treatments - just surgery tumor removal. Mastectomy is not always recommended.

My mother and MIL BOTH had a breast cancer tumor removed by lumpectomy - NO other treatments. My mother was age mid-70s and MIL was age early-80's. My mother is alive in NH at age 95. MIL passed at age 88 from other complicated health problems.

I was dx at age 49 with stage 2 breast cancer in 2006. Back then, if you had 1 positive lymph node you automatically got chemo. TODAY treatment protocols have ADVANCED with Oncotype testing to determine if chemo would benefit the patient. That testing was not available back then. Now SOME patients with a particular type of breast cancer can have 1 - 3 positive lymph nodes - AND with the Oncotype test confirm they may avoid chemo.

Do not jump to any conclusions yet - HOWEVER, I do agree that chemo is NOT an easy journey for some patients.

One day at a time here. She starts with the lumpectomy and possibly other scans. Then she gets to speak with the onchologist. Your family is over thinking too far ahead. Listen to the specialists. I can say that lumpectomies, which I had several, is easy but still nerve racking. Good luck. Please listen to her choices.

XenaJada, so sorry to read your Mom has breast cancer. Do you know what stage?

If the cancer is only in that one breast and is a very low Stage, have Mom ask her doctor if he/she thinks doing mastectomy might be a better choice. I know for myself, I had a mastectomy 13 years ago and didn't need chemo or radiation, but did have to take pills that I had trouble with side effect.

This can vary from patient to patient.

My dad had an operation and then chemo at age 91. His mind, though fine up until then, was never sharp after surgery, and the surgeon told me that Dad could try chemo but it would be very hard on him. We then talked to the oncologist, who said the same thing and made dad aware of the difficulties. Dad decided to try it, but it almost killed him. So he and the oncologist decided it was time for hospice.

Respect her wishes imo. Even if she does survive the chemo it will be an excruciating process from someone so old.

Both my grandmothers had breast cancer when they were well into their 80's. They both opted for lumpectomies and then radiation. Neither were offered chemo, as they drs felt that surgery + radiation was sufficient.

Both lived another 10 years, and neither died of breast cancer.

I think your Mom is making the right decision. I myself would do just what she is doing; I am 80. I am a retired RN and a cancer survivor of 36 years now. I have not had mammograms for 2 decades and do my own self exam on my remaining breast monthly. I found all my own lumps both benign and malignant, and the lump that was cancerous was in my armpit and did not show on a mammogram nor the primary in the breast.
I took adjuvant chemo for 6 months and refused radiation 36 years ago. One chemo was infused and the two others were pill form; most of them ended in landfill at the time.
Your Mom should make her own decisions and I would say basically shame on your father for trying to make that otherwise.
We all die of something, and let me tell you that overall, those who die with cancer get good pain relief and hospice at end of life now while those suffering dementia and losses one cut at a time through aging are less lucky in my book. I fear cancer less than just about anything out there other than a weak heart that might take me instantly.
Chemo can kill. Let your Dad know that. It is very destructive to the body. He needs to honor his wife's decisions for herself as she should honor his own for himself.
My opinion only, but heaven help the person who interferes with my decision. The amount of advice and directions whether by well meaning friends or doctors themselves is confusing enough without the input of a frantic husband. He needs to stand strong for his wife's decision. This is her deck of cards. Let her play them as she sees fit. And the very very best of luck. As an RN I played my own cards years ago. That I happened to win THAT hand doesn't mean that I won't get the game I can't win. We all are going the same place. That I am 80, raised my children, had a life, did what I wanted, makes me feel very very lucky indeed.

I think you might be able to help by sitting down with just Dad and telling him you want Mom around for another 10-20 years too which is actually why you aren’t convinced chemo is a good idea. You have done some research and from what you have learned at her age chemo more often either kills or greatly lessens quality of life from the rigors of chemo than opting not to do chemo. People live happier longer without chemo after 80 (I’m guessing here). Then ask if you can go to the next appointment with her oncologist or surgeon whichever you think best, where you can ask the questions about treatment prognosis vs non for each step and help you all make an informed decision.

Your dads reaction is based on love and fear, just like yours is but he doesn’t think about your mom being 83 he thinks of her a 60, he doesn’t think about himself being 80, he feels as sharp
and vital as he was when he retired, whether or not he/they are.

Rather than trying to convince him chemo isn’t a good idea go on the journey with him to educate yourselves and make an informed decision. Be their partner and let them make you an advisor rather than feeling like your imposing (I can’t find the word I want, of course you aren’t imposing) your views on them. You may find that radiation isn't needed or worth it too and don’t be afraid to get a second opinion. You are more likely to get results if you help guide them than you are trying to convince or plead with them. Give Dad time to let things sink in too. Sending good thoughts and energy to all of you as you go through this.