How to convince our uncle that we did not steal his condo or his money which is all in a trust?
His nastiness and accusatory behavior is starting to wear on us. Our aunt, his wife passed away several months ago leaving him and an adult down's syndrome daughter who lives in a group home. We are her legal guardians and his power of attorney. He is insisting that we schemed and have taken title to his condo and taken his money. It breaks my heart that he has such a low opinion of us to think such terrible things and don't know how to react to his rantings. He lives alone - we are there (40 miles each way) 2-3 times a week. We take him to all his doctor appointments. We have arranged for a woman who come in 2-3 times a week to do cleaning, cooking. laundry and will take him on any errands. The more my husband and I are involved, the more angry he becomes with us. Any ideas out there?
2 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- What to do when a relative wants to come visit your parent but they want to be left alone?
- How can I get my niece, her boyfriend & 4 kids out of my elderly mom's house? I fear she's in danger & doesn't see it!
- My mom just put her 96-year-old mother (my nana) in assisted living yesterday. Nana said some very UGLY things to my mom. How can I help my mom feel less "guilty?"
- How do you set up boundaries with an ungrateful, rude mother-in-law who is out of touch with reality?
What he should be saying to you is "Thank you for looking after my dear daughter, because it is beyond me to do so," and "How kind and helpful you are to find a housekeeper for me. I don't know what I'd do without you," and "I am so grateful to have you to take me to appointments. You are wonderful people!" But instead he says "You stole my condo title!" Is that fair, and just, and right? Absolutely not! Life is not fair, and dementia or diminished cognitive capacity is especially not fair.
So let me say, "You are wonderful people. It is so kind of you to take responsibility for your handicapped cousin, and to help your confused and angry uncle, in spite of himself."
Please do not take his irrational raving to heart. Do what you can to sooth him. (I wouldn't waste a lot of effort on trying to convince him logically and with evidence. It probably won't make any difference.) Do what you have to to protect your sanity, like telling each other how wonderful you are when he fails to tell you. Perhaps try backing off a bit for a while, maybe increasing the housekeeper hours if that is an option, and see if he calms down.
My heart truly goes out to you all. I sometimes wonder if I will ever be the one totally confused and ranting irrational accusations. (If I reach age 85 I have a 50/50 chance of having dementia -- as do you. Kind of a sobering thought, eh?) I hope if I do there will be some kind people like you in my life, to look after me in spite of my behavior.