My mother has no business driving, how do I reason with an unreasonable woman?

I agree that your Mom is trying to hold on to the car while she is losing control of other aspects of her life. But I strongly disagree with advise to let her have control of a car if you believe she is unsafe. Would you let someone drive drunk ..or would you give someone a loaded gun if you thought they were unable to make safe judgements? Cars can be thousands of pounds of killing machines! Keep her and others on the road a little safer by having her abilities tested before she can get keys. You can only "reason" with people who still have that capacity, otherwise you need a plan B so you don't waste your time (such as disable the car).

Does she have a doctor that would agree with your assessment of her driving abilities? If so, then let he/she be the bad guy and put a stop to her driving. Call the DMV and ask if they have a way to test a senior to see if they should be driving still. Other than that, I have no idea except to disable the car.

When we moved my Mother in law next door to us so we could keep a closer watch on her we didn't bring the car with her hoping she would not think of it. Moderate Ahlzheimers. After a week or so she started asking for it and got quite upset. Finally (when she was out of the house) we drove it to her new house and my husband did something so it wouldn't start, He told her it was broke and he had it "towed" home. She was happy because the car was there. We kept the keys. Now when she asks we alternate between saying it won't run and we will get it fixed when the weather gets better or we say that her DR doesn't want her to drive until her medicine makes her better.. (she worships him so whatever he says is gospel). It's usually just a passing moment when she thinks about it and then forgets for long periods of time. When she didn't have the car she was obsessing about it. Even though we are "tricking" her she is happier to have the car near, and we are not causing her un needed stress by telling her she will not ever drive again. We are also more at ease because we know there is no way she could actually get it started. (All family members know if she asks them to fix it to say they couldn't do it). I also tell her if she was driving I would have no excuse to skip work so I could take her to the Dr. She giggles over that.

JAYE:

I agree with NAHEATON; have her evaluated. Considering her condition(s), I'm glad she remembers the car ... constantly. In my opinion, having it back has more to do with regaining some sort of control over her own life and a dash of independence than actual driving.

If the experts deem her fit to drive but you're worried sick something might happen on the road, why don't you hang on to the keys and tag along every time she wants to go out for a spin? Let her be in charge for a change, if only for 1/2 hour.

Always at your service,

-- ED

I try very hard not to be bossy with my Mom and tell her what to do... however if the roles were reversed she would be very quick to tell me. I appreciate everyones comments. Thank you!

We asked the eye Dr. (who my mother adores) tell her to stop driving at night. And she has determined to have some eye surgury so she can still drive. Sometimes the Dr. talking to them backfires and sometimes it works like a dream. My mother is also argumentative and has control issues. I feel for you. If she wasn't your mother, and you saw her driving out and about in town, would you think nothing of it? Or would you wonder why her family didn't love her enough to protect her? That was how I came to my decision to tough out the battle. It truly is for her protection as well as others on the road. Another aspect is that you could give a hypothetical situation to her....such as... "mom how would you feel if you caused an accident and it was a young person, maybe "so &so's" age?" (choose a grandchild's name) I wish you all the best. Because I know that's what your trying to do! God's blessings!

pull out the distributer.

I live in a state that has a self reporting law and does not quarantee anonyminity if reporting an unsafe driver. Doctors are not required to report medical conditions that could serious impair driving ability. The Department of Motor Vehicles leaves it up to the individual to report any medical conditions or medications that might impair their driving when renewing their license. You can renew your license online without a vision test. This is one of the main reasons people are killed due to unsafe drivers. Due to the very lax driving laws in my state it is impossible to report legitiment unsafe drivers. Even a newly blind person could renew their license online in this state. Only individuals 75 and over are required to renew their license in person and that is only to take a vision test.