Follow
Share

I just started living w/my 87 yr old Grandma about a month ago.Well for the past week a few hours after she takes her evening meds she will out-of-the-blue decide to have a mean attitude & kick me out of her house for no apparant reason.How do I handle this?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
With my dad I always tell him that I have no where else to go and we need to take care of each other but if he really wants me to go I will go in the morning. Having her meds checked is a good idea also.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'd put this son of a b into a home and let them deal with it. I would not put up with somebody like this in my home!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Going loco
You added your question to the bottom of a very old post.
Start an original question of your own for help.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

my dad was having an episode when he was accusing me of steeling his internet (i live 10km away), and that was the reason he was getting kicked off the internet. when i came to their (mom and dad) apt, they yelled get out of here, dont want to see you here any more, dont want you at my funeral.
Anyway i did not deescalate it but rather fuelled the scene and we were all yelling. i called them demons and to go to church.
now we dont talk, day one i felt good but now i feel out of wack, depressed and not motivated to do any work or anything. need help.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

First, as the others have said, don't take it personally. This is the disease talking, not Grandma. It is hard not to be hurt when people say hurtful things, but you've got to build up defenses so these attacks don't get through to you. For many months my mantra was "It is the disease talking. It is the disease doing this. It is not my husband."

Next, learn as much as you can about your Grandma's condition. It is easier to not take hurtful things personally when you see how common that behavior is among others with dementia. And you'll pick up tips for coping with various attitudes and behaviors.

Also, interact with others who know what you are going through. This site is a wonderful opportunity for that. If there is a local caregiver support group that holds meetings, that is extremely helpful, too.

Accompany Grandma to all of her doctor appointment, and don't just sit in the waiting room. Be sure you know what she is being told, and that you can tell your observations. Sometimes (no promises) there are medications that can help with troublesome behavior, and sometimes medications cause troublesome behvior and need to be adjusted.

And not least, get some respite -- some time to yourself. You say no other family members will care for her, but now that they are safely off the hook for the 24/7 stuff, are there some who would be willing to take short shifts now and then, so you can get away? You will burn out quickly if you try to do this totally on your own. Otherwise consider hiring some help. If Grandma can't afford that, get in touch with Social Services to see what options are available to you.

Bless you for taking care of dear old cantenkerous Grandma!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You mentioned that this behavior starts "a few hours after she takes her evening meds". I agree that sundowning could be a factor but I would talk with the doctor about her meds because many of the meds that are frequently given to seniors with dementia often have the opposite effect than intended. She may simply need a medication change or mood stabilizing medication! You are a great granddaughter to staying on the "job" . . .
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Leave. Go. Say bye-bye. Make sure that she's taken care of by someone.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

The hard thing is not to take it personally. All she wants and needs is to know she is in control of her life and decisions about it. And most of those decisions are now out of her ability and she knows this. Very frightening for her. Recognize her fright and her needs. It's hard, but walk in her shoes. You are there to love and to help and years from now you will be glad you did. God Bless. Piver
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

what kind of medicine is she on?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Keep and maintain a "war chest" just in case you have to leave. That means clothes, important papers and money of your own.

Can you make arrangements with a friend or family member? Be sure to have a hotel lined up, just in case.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Our local police said she nor they can kick me out since that would leave mom without anyone in the house to take care of her.

Let her call the cops. Maybe they'll take her away for an evaluation (and give you a break)
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Sounds as if your grandma has a symptom of alzheimers called sundowners. May want to discuss this with her physician to see what their opinion might be.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

good--- it will help- there are many wise souls here--
again ,huggggs k
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thanks 2 u all 4 the help.I dont feel so alone now.I have a feeling Im gonna be sharing on this site alot!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

i know what u mean-my mom for years has been like that, on and off, hot and cold,
looking back, i think she was in the early stages many years ago--i would get so hurt, and we would not talk for days(i didnt live with her-but very close). its hard sometimes to separate how it hurts us and how frightening it must be to know
things are not right in your head, your frustrated,you cant expressyourself the
way u used to- and many know the road ahead is worse.
i wish now, that i could have been aware enough to not mirror back the nasty
and hurtful words -i wish i could have seen some kind of reason other than
whats wrong with me, we get so defensive- love is so important-
sometimes we have to look beyond what we are hearing with our ears, and
listen on a deeper level. i hate this disease- its so cruel-many dont get it-and even if u do-it still is a nasty cruel fate. btw, mom is still alive,but she was put in a NH about 4 hours away- now that i understand her moods, when i see her- she is just happy i am close enough to hug and kiss. life aint easy- u will get thru this- thisis a great place to connect to. sending u hugggggs k
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I couldnt leave her if I wanted to.I am the only family member willing to care for her & I promissed her I would stay by her side.
I do change the subject & I understand she's not in her right mind but it really hurts sometimes. She will call me names & accuse me of trying to steal her house from her or put her in a home.I reassure her that Im here to help her & keep her safe but its just so hard sometimes. I get that fight or flight feeling alot.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

If she has dementia, the change in behavour is probably due to "sundowning", which is common in the elderly. They get anxious and agitated for a while, and then are back to "normal". It is best to either change the subject, redirect to something on television, or try to agree somehow like saying, OK I'll get packing now Grandma, and go into another room for a while. It sounds crazy, but Grandma is sick, and that's one of the symptoms we have to learn to deal with. It gets better when the right medication is given, which is different for each person.
Good luck!
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

SARA:

One of these days you're going to get sick of it, so start thinking about where you're going to go. But any way you look at it she needs you and you need her.

Get an MP3 and tune her out when she's having an "episode." Do, however, keep your eyes peeled in case she starts swinging or throwing things around the house.

Good luck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Whenever I have a question about either parent's behavior that might be related to medications, I call the primary treating physician and leave a message for the nurse for input. As far as the mean talk, my Dad gets like that when I do something he doesn't like (it could be anything) and he'll tell me to move back to Texas --- he doesn't need me. With my Dad, I now realize that he really doesn't want me to move back to Texas. He gets upset about something, feels out of control and it's the only thing he can think of to say. He's feeling hurt and helpless so he wants everyone around him to feel the same way. I will leave the house for a while if my son is there to keep an eye on my folks. Otherwise I will go into another room to avoid any kind of ongoing arguing. It always seems to blow over in an hour or two.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.