My mom lives in a wonderful assisted living home but feels abandoned if I'm not always there. How can I reassure her she is not alone?

Mostly my suggestion about cellphones was as a kind of security blanket, but if they can cope with it, it is a good thing for seniors.

My mother-in-law has both dementia/Alz and macular degeneration, so she can do neither see nor remember anything anymore. I got her a big button land line a few years ago when she could remember a little better. I programmed her phone to call her boys & me really easy. Her sons were now #1, #2, #3 and me #4 on the memory dial. Well when she was living at home alone still, some woman called her and wanted to ask her some dumb question that she didn't understand. She told the woman to call her daughter-in-law cause I was the one taking care of her needs. The woman said okay, what was my number? My m-i-l told her " She's #4". She and I laughed about that for a long time.

Not sure where the above argument about abandonment came from, my mom (94) does not have dimentia but does have a lot of other medical problems. In that she does not have dimentia, we are lucky, but as for the rest of it I have already discussed with her that if she comes to the stage at which she cannot get into the bathroom by herself, or she needs medical assistance like injections, we will have to make other arrangements. Our house is too small for me to help her to the bathroom or use a wheelchair, I do not mind changing potty pans, but this all may become too much for me to handle, as I have some problems of my own and I am not getting any younger myself, I am 69. If it comes to the point where I have to put her in AL, it will be a last resort, it will NOT mean that I have abandoned her. The guilt may be there, but not guilt by abandonment.

Does the facility have a psych person on staff? maybe they could help her with some "self talk" ways she could use to help with her anxiety among the other feelings she is experiencing. She could be displacing many feelings for panic that you are not there. No one likes to cope with debilitating feelings of lonliness and loss; anxiety placed upon the situation that you are not there is easier to cope with that the hopelessness of loss and despair. A support group? One that can TRULY be depended on for many different kinds sof support. Another elder form your church? Someone for both of you to rely on?

Just for clarification, DT, the site monitor pulled a very inappropriate comment from this thread.

I thought that might be the case - couldn't find it and was too late to pick it up. We all are doing what we can, no more, no less, otherwise we would not be contributing to this discussion, n'est-ce pas?

I used to type a reminder letters to my mother and put it near her bed encouraging her to count her blessings, be patient, and understanding of the staff when they couldn't get things done in her time frame, and reminding her that were doing the best they could. Sometimes it would work, sometimes not.. so well...