How can I get my dad to clean himself after a bowel movement?

My husband is 87 and I am 65. He has prostate cancer and Alzheimers. He attends an Adult Day Care center, which helps. But I'm still his only caregiver at night, and bathroom issues are ever present. He does not want to bathe, and incontinence (both liquid and solid) happen every few days. Baby wiipes are great - but when there is a mess, the only thing to do is help him into the tub or shower and let the water do the work! He usually does OK if I keep reminding him to wash everything and everywhere - I soap up the wash rags - using 2 or 3 for different parts of the body works best. Sometimes I just have to get in the shower with him to help him and make sure he does not fall (standing on a towel helps too). A daughter might not want to do this, but husbands and wives can still make it fun...with lots of foam!

Hey cricket: any way you could get a bidet? Isn't there some appliance that can attach to the sink with a hose like one would use for a douche bag or an enema? Rinse him off. How about buying a few yards of cheap terry cloth at JoAnn's Fabrics, cut into decent size squares, keep in a container by the toilet with warm, soapy water. Toss them out. Holds up and feels better than tp. :D

Touchy subject! I just noticed this post... wonder if the issue is resolved. If not - I have a client who really hates it that I check her "bottom line" when she's done. But I just do it, cheerfully, and as quickly as possible. I say "Let me make sure all is well back here - I don't want any strays left behind that might hurt your skin." I always tell her that I am there to make sure she is well, safe, clean, cared for... and that repetition goes into the bathroom with us too. At 95 she is remarkably capable of range of motion and balance. But....sometimes... you know - cling-ons. So she gives me "the look" but I swiftly follow her work with a nice wipe and breeze in and out so fast she's hardly aware I was back there. Then I make sure to get a cheerful conversation going so she doesn't stay upset at all.

Ok, last thing. your father. When my father was alive...i would have to clean his bottom all the time....I even sometimes had to assist in his BM's. You just get used to it. You don't see it as being what it is...you see it as getting it clean and being done and on to the next issue at hand. Baby wipes were the ONLY way to go. TPaper was GROSS! But remember after using the Baby wipes to dab the area to dry it some.

I would explain to him that he had some skin irritation in his bottom and that you would like to wipe it with a warm soapy wash rag to make sure it is off. IF you would feel better about ONLY you washing him and him not even trying to get it off (which he just doesn't get it at this point just like my mom don't) then i would tell him that while there is some irratation back there you will just clean him off. At first if you would like, use tp, but i would use baby wipes first and then maybe a warm soapy rag. Atleast baby wipes if not the warm rag. Be sure to keep him covered as much as you can. When i gave my dad a bath i would turn tv on something he really liked and i ONLY uncoverded what i was cleaning. It just makes it sooo much better.

Ok i am through blah blah blah. I hope some of this helps. I am sure if i think of something else i will add it later if i can find this posting again. Look me up on Facebook and i will add as friend, that would be the quickest way i pose to communicate if you ever need anything OR if i do. Just keep us posted on how things go, but most of all Good Luck to you! You are a caring daughter. Keep it up! Myra

Giving him a reminder on ea visit to bathroom from care giver...changing the idea for him to help her...asking him to do her 'a favor' and be sure to clean his skin so it stays safe...not talking about bums or wipes...just talking about doing the care giver a favor by using the wipes and keeping skin safe...using words that make sense to him as he has changed...bonding and doing nasty chores with a different attitude...most elders, especially men...'want' to help others...and don't care about their own well being, but care of other's well being...see if the change in verbiage helps-blessing francy

Oh dear. Well, all the best to you! It's not as bad as it might seem.

Here's sort of a graphic suggestion, and maybe it's a big DUH, but here goes. Have him inspect the TP and see if it comes up clean. Until it's done; he's not. He may require that direct of instruction at this point. I'd have him finish with baby or adult wipes. I've suggested a bidet for a couple of my clients. :-) Wouldn't that be wonderful?

My mom used to wrap a lot of toilet paper around a wooded spoon and wipe my step dad. After he died and she moved in with me we through out all wooded spoons. She didn't put it back in the kitchen she threw it out but we could not bear to take a wooden spoon from the place. It is something someone should invent for elders. Now taking care of my mom I'm dealing with her wiping. And standing over her and make sure she scrubs her hands. :)

As far as being worried if they are getting "things" on their hands.....Just get a pale of warm water, add some anti bactiera soap....and if you have an extra OLD toothbrush....take it and do the fingernails like you are polishing them. You can always explain that you are polishing the nails to make them shine!

My mom has been having issues about wiping back to front, front to back, and spending alot of time back there. She also, has started having some issues with bathing. She does have to take extra meds at night along with sleeping pill, so what i do now is...and my timing has to be right on the money...when she gets to the point of almost ready to shut eyes for the night...i take and have her change clothes and get on pot before we go night nite. I give her one wet washcloth (warm) to wash her bottom (back door.) Then i give her another to wash her tush (front door.) That way she uses different cloth's for each and washes the back just in case anything goes to the front door she gets it when she does the front. Then when she sits on the bed and is just soooo sleepy....i take a third wash cloth and tell her i am going to wash under her arms...Real quick wash under her arm....breast and over to the other breast and then arm. Talking the whole time to keep her mind off of what i am doing. This way she is clean... I try to do this every chance i get....if not...we are apt to have a day or week where this doesn't work...and not all body odor can be "powdered" out. And i know you know what i mean.