Follow
Share

Dad's HA tells me he is not wiping his rear end good enough after having a BM. I got him the wet bathroom wipes and both the aid and I have talked with him about it. He gets irritated and argumentative if I push the subject. I have been watching this situation with the help of his HA by having her tell me each week if he is doing any better. Now she tells me he is not wiping deep enough to really clean properly. She says he has the rang of motion and is able to do it. I don't know why he is not. He is 81, has Dementia, AD. I could really use some advise on weather or not I should start doing this for him and or how to talk to him about it in a loving way but firmly. What are the right words?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Thanks for all your posts everyone; this is very informative; I don't see men wiping their mom's butts--or maybe I missed those posts?

My issue is I was raised in a VERY conservative household and taught that the human body is "nasty"/no one sees you naked and the children certainly DO NOT see the parents without clothes on; now dad is 90 and is not wiping properly (found poop on toilet seat); he does not have dementia and has about 75% range of motion but his hands/arms are very shaking.

I believe we are at the point where he needs help wiping--but I absolutely do not feel comfortable doing this and actually think it's unnatural for a daughter to see her dad's butt or private parts. Dad has the money to hire a caregiver male nurse, but refuses to do that; he feels family should take care of him. I am a co-owner of his checking account and if this continues to be a problem, I plan to hire a male nurse to take care of him as often as needed and simply pay them from his account.

Am I wrong? Does anyone else feel this way?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I am 66 and have lost some range of motion so I use and old toothbrush. I run it under hot water before and during the cleaning. Works better than TP, it does look a little gross but you get used to it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Hi Cristina, we have been looking into the Bidet option. I'm also considering a fire hose! o.O lol. He seems to be doing better for now so I'm not freaking out about it atm like I was when I asked the question. He has been using the baby wipes and his nurse told me he was doing okay this week. I just have to monitor the situation by communicating with his nurse that comes to help him shower once a week.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Hey cricket: any way you could get a bidet? Isn't there some appliance that can attach to the sink with a hose like one would use for a douche bag or an enema? Rinse him off. How about buying a few yards of cheap terry cloth at JoAnn's Fabrics, cut into decent size squares, keep in a container by the toilet with warm, soapy water. Toss them out. Holds up and feels better than tp. :D
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

My dad was bedridden so he could not roll over much, nor get up to get in the shower. Man that would have worked great. My mom on the other hand...i do good to even get her to change clothes in front of me...which she has to have help regardless. Good luck to you Cricket...i will cross my fingers for you too!!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Sophie, haha i'm glad you can make it fun with your hubby :))...my Dad won't let me get near to him and keeps insisting that he can do it okay.. so I just check with the nurse when she comes to help him bathe and as long as she says he is doing it I'm going to leave it alone. I did buy some of the baby wipes and had the nurse go over with him how to use them when he has a bm. So far so good, I'm keeping my fingers crossed, lol
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My husband is 87 and I am 65. He has prostate cancer and Alzheimers. He attends an Adult Day Care center, which helps. But I'm still his only caregiver at night, and bathroom issues are ever present. He does not want to bathe, and incontinence (both liquid and solid) happen every few days. Baby wiipes are great - but when there is a mess, the only thing to do is help him into the tub or shower and let the water do the work! He usually does OK if I keep reminding him to wash everything and everywhere - I soap up the wash rags - using 2 or 3 for different parts of the body works best. Sometimes I just have to get in the shower with him to help him and make sure he does not fall (standing on a towel helps too). A daughter might not want to do this, but husbands and wives can still make it fun...with lots of foam!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

thanks Ed :))
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

CRICKET:

When I lived with my birth mother in Puerto Rico for a year (1973), we softened paper supermarket bags. (She couldn't come up with .25 cents for a roll, but there was enough $ for beer and cigarettes!). But this isn't about my tuckus, it's about your Dad's.

Maybe the toilet paper itself is a crime against humanity. Something scented, softer, more absorbent perhaps? This is a stretch, but a proctologist might have the answer you seek.

-- Ed
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thanks Francy, Ruth and Myra!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Ok, last thing. your father. When my father was alive...i would have to clean his bottom all the time....I even sometimes had to assist in his BM's. You just get used to it. You don't see it as being what it is...you see it as getting it clean and being done and on to the next issue at hand. Baby wipes were the ONLY way to go. TPaper was GROSS! But remember after using the Baby wipes to dab the area to dry it some.

I would explain to him that he had some skin irritation in his bottom and that you would like to wipe it with a warm soapy wash rag to make sure it is off. IF you would feel better about ONLY you washing him and him not even trying to get it off (which he just doesn't get it at this point just like my mom don't) then i would tell him that while there is some irratation back there you will just clean him off. At first if you would like, use tp, but i would use baby wipes first and then maybe a warm soapy rag. Atleast baby wipes if not the warm rag. Be sure to keep him covered as much as you can. When i gave my dad a bath i would turn tv on something he really liked and i ONLY uncoverded what i was cleaning. It just makes it sooo much better.

Ok i am through blah blah blah. I hope some of this helps. I am sure if i think of something else i will add it later if i can find this posting again. Look me up on Facebook and i will add as friend, that would be the quickest way i pose to communicate if you ever need anything OR if i do. Just keep us posted on how things go, but most of all Good Luck to you! You are a caring daughter. Keep it up! Myra
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My mom has been having issues about wiping back to front, front to back, and spending alot of time back there. She also, has started having some issues with bathing. She does have to take extra meds at night along with sleeping pill, so what i do now is...and my timing has to be right on the money...when she gets to the point of almost ready to shut eyes for the night...i take and have her change clothes and get on pot before we go night nite. I give her one wet washcloth (warm) to wash her bottom (back door.) Then i give her another to wash her tush (front door.) That way she uses different cloth's for each and washes the back just in case anything goes to the front door she gets it when she does the front. Then when she sits on the bed and is just soooo sleepy....i take a third wash cloth and tell her i am going to wash under her arms...Real quick wash under her arm....breast and over to the other breast and then arm. Talking the whole time to keep her mind off of what i am doing. This way she is clean... I try to do this every chance i get....if not...we are apt to have a day or week where this doesn't work...and not all body odor can be "powdered" out. And i know you know what i mean.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

As far as being worried if they are getting "things" on their hands.....Just get a pale of warm water, add some anti bactiera soap....and if you have an extra OLD toothbrush....take it and do the fingernails like you are polishing them. You can always explain that you are polishing the nails to make them shine!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My mom used to wrap a lot of toilet paper around a wooded spoon and wipe my step dad. After he died and she moved in with me we through out all wooded spoons. She didn't put it back in the kitchen she threw it out but we could not bear to take a wooden spoon from the place. It is something someone should invent for elders. Now taking care of my mom I'm dealing with her wiping. And standing over her and make sure she scrubs her hands. :)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Here's sort of a graphic suggestion, and maybe it's a big DUH, but here goes. Have him inspect the TP and see if it comes up clean. Until it's done; he's not. He may require that direct of instruction at this point. I'd have him finish with baby or adult wipes. I've suggested a bidet for a couple of my clients. :-) Wouldn't that be wonderful?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Oh dear. Well, all the best to you! It's not as bad as it might seem.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

thanks for the example Ruth. the issue isn't resolved yet but his visiting nurse has spoken to him with me and we are giving him another week to see if he can manage alone, if not then i get the job.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Touchy subject! I just noticed this post... wonder if the issue is resolved. If not - I have a client who really hates it that I check her "bottom line" when she's done. But I just do it, cheerfully, and as quickly as possible. I say "Let me make sure all is well back here - I don't want any strays left behind that might hurt your skin." I always tell her that I am there to make sure she is well, safe, clean, cared for... and that repetition goes into the bathroom with us too. At 95 she is remarkably capable of range of motion and balance. But....sometimes... you know - cling-ons. So she gives me "the look" but I swiftly follow her work with a nice wipe and breeze in and out so fast she's hardly aware I was back there. Then I make sure to get a cheerful conversation going so she doesn't stay upset at all.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

thanks francy, anyone else have a suggestion?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Giving him a reminder on ea visit to bathroom from care giver...changing the idea for him to help her...asking him to do her 'a favor' and be sure to clean his skin so it stays safe...not talking about bums or wipes...just talking about doing the care giver a favor by using the wipes and keeping skin safe...using words that make sense to him as he has changed...bonding and doing nasty chores with a different attitude...most elders, especially men...'want' to help others...and don't care about their own well being, but care of other's well being...see if the change in verbiage helps-blessing francy
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.