My mother doesn’t believe anything is wrong with her. She has changed doctors because she doesn't like that the doctor to her she has Alzheimer’s. So now she is seeing a new doctor and will not let me go with her. How do I handle this?

Cinniemay,
Hang in there. Some days will be better than others. I have found that dealing with my aunt(91yrs) who lives with me who has dementia, that you cannot argue and try to make them understand your point of view because they are incapable of mentally processing the information you are giving. they have it in their mind already what it is that they want or think the way thisngs are and you cannot change them. My Mother was in denial for so long until she finally got to the point where she was so physically weak she had to go the hospital. From there we got her to a nursing home. the wait for that was long and hard. Getting medical power of attorney is great IF you can get it. It will allow you more involvement with the medical care. I live in a big city where you have to have documentation for everything you do. So any little thing you can accomplish with her drs. would be a milestone for you. Good luck and just keep hanging in there. Don't give up.

Thanks I will try that.

One thing you might consider is contacting her new Dr.'s office and asking to speak with the nurse. Tell the nurse you don't want to know anything, they sometimes get testy because of the HIPPA act, you just want to give them what you believe is vital information. I did this with my father. I live over 6 hours away and have no siblings. My mother was afraid by saying how forgetful Dad was and other Alzhiemer type sypmtoms during Dad's appointments he would get angry with her later....another Alzhiemer symptom....so she would not say anything. I went with them one time when visiting and didn't say anything there outside of just questions about his medication and the treatment he was getting. But before his next appointment a month later and after I had returned home, I called the doctor's office, talked with the nurse and told her all of my observations and Mom's and my concerns for Dad's well being. It worked like a charm!!!!! At his appointment they did some additional tests and asked all kinds of questions and administerd the verbal "Alzhiemer questions" test. Dad scored about 30% and was put on medication and Mom was told to let them know any and all changes. Dad has been on medicatin for about 5 months and I do see some imporvement when I talk on the phone with him, but he is still far from being himself. But the dr.'s office has called me back and updates me and asks me additional questions if need be. Granted my parents live in a rural area of the country and doctors usually are more accomodating to family members, but it never hurts to try. I have done this with other doctors when my mother was having surgery too. Believe me it helps your loved ones and it helps keep your sanity and peace of mind. Good luck.
Susan

Hi Cindy,
You do have your hands full. Thank God you have some help.

Take care and please keep coming back to this site. We've got some terrific people here with lots of experience.

Carol

Thanks everyone. I am so blessed to find this site! My Aunt and Uncle are living with her and they have said that they would take her and pick her up from work. She lives way out in the county so there isn't anyone that lives close to her. We are just taking it one day at a time. This week my hands have been full with my daughter (16 yrs old) and her type 1 diabetic numbers have been out of control. But today they have been better. I have been in meetings for my son that is graduating this year trying to figure out what we are going to do after graduation. He is mildly mentally retarded. So life is never dull here. I am very thankful that my Aunt and Uncle are able to help out! If not I would be faced with having her to live with us. I have the room but I just want her to be able to stay in her home as long as possible! Dad built that house for her. He passed away nine years ago this year. I hope that you all have a great weekend! Cindy

Good advice, Cat. People who discover they have dementia are fighting for their dignity and facing such severe losses. Whatever "wiggle room" we can give them, without anyone getting hurt, the better it is. There are such huge adjustments to be made.

It would be great if the new doctor found out it was medication or something that was causing her symptoms. If only you could go along. It's always hard. Stick with this great group for support.

Carol

Lindam is right on -all you can do is imagine what it would be like, and give her lots of support and room to make adjustments on her own terms. I wonder if the friends at work might consider carpooling so that she doesn't lose face or her independance by giving up driving. Little steps work best.

I've learned that dementia doesn't mean loss of self-respect and dignity. If anything, it is more important to have some autonomy, control & be on equal terms once dementia begins to creep in. My mom has taught me so much by how she has managed to retain her humour and grace to this day. I hope that your mom's preview of lessons learned will make it easier for both of you to work through whatever issues crop up from either the dementia, or adjusting to a different season in your relationship.

Hang in there - with an open mind and kindness hopefully you will both get through it.

Cinniemay,
No wonder your mom is in denial. Bless her heart, she has seen what happens first hand, and does not want that to be her. Like I said, try to give her some time to adjust to this news, and be as gentle with her as you can be. Be supportive and try to get her to talk about her fears.
Not knowing what your relationship is, hopefully she will talk to you and you will understand more of what she is facing. I hope for the best for all concerened. Keep posting. God bless

Cinniemay,

Thank you for your kind words! I didn't know what to expect from mom when the doctor told us. She cared for her mother when she dementia and saw her sister go through it until her death this year. I guess I was hopeful for her to want to get things in order. But I know that she doesn't want to believe it. Truthfully neither do I but it is what it is and we have to deal with it. One day at a time!

Cinniemay,
welcome to this sight. You will meet a lot of people who will listen and offer suggestions without judging.
One thing I would like to suggest is that your mom is in denial and is very frightened right now. I can only imagine her fear, and if she can keep this from being true by continuing on as if nothing is wrong, changing Dr.s, then give her the time to adjust to this. She will eventually accept it or not.
The lady I work for has dementia and is still in denial that she needs someone with her. I have noticed she brings this up when she has been faced with another limitation, one more thing she can no longer do. I have learned to just let her talk, not try to convince her I need to be there, and after a time, she calms down, or, unfortanetly she forgets why she was upset.
So you are right in being concerned, and it may come to you having to make some hard choices about her care. But try to give her a reasonable amount of time to get used to the idea, because it has to be one of the most frightening things in the world to be told, other than having cancer.
Please keep posting and let us get to know you and how things are going for you and your mom. God Bless