Is it elder abuse when sibling is blackmailing parent?

Well it's all over. My brother got his money and when I went to the house to go over things with the movers I sat down with my brother and didn't realize how sick he really is. He had open heart surgery, has diabetes, and other bad health problems. He's already in Florida and the first thing he did was check himself in a hospital because of all the water he was retaining plus his heart was fluttering. I felt bad for him. Now that this is all over I have peace in that aspect.

definately move the behaving caregivers in with him as room mates.

Hooe mom intends to forget about the house he moved back into.
would serve him notice he is responsible for maintaining the premesis.
Is he paying rent?
Is house she bought for him a gift?
Is he able to work?
Is he a procrastinating freeloader?
Once hes out.I wouldnt let him back in to clean.
Your mother nor you need financial stressors.
Glad he moved his own accord. Yea right ...

when my brother was holding my mother's house hostage, he demanded that she replace the roof on the other house that she owns - that she bought for the sole purpose of housing him. He refused to go back to that house until it was done and I refused to get it done until he left her house. It was a stand-off all the way un until our court date. I knew Mom wanted to replace the roof for him but I also knew that if she did that before he moved, then it would be "now I need a boiler" and then "now I need..." for eternity.

So, we prevailed in court but then, had to wait for the Sheriff's office to schedule the actual eviction. That could have taken months so we were very luckily that he finally moved on his own. Total time from first promised move out to actual move was 5-6 months.

Upon returning to the free house he had left vacant all this time, he started making veiled threats that the house was something that the housing authority would be interested in due to its unsafe, unhealthy condition. My response was to tell him to go ahead and make any calls he felt he needed to make. But, if the house was deemed uninhabitable, I would have no choice but to put him out and abandon or sell it. Then where would he be.

What kind of entitled p$%^k do you have to be to extort money from n 82 year old woman?

I would serv him notice as squatter. with notice finalization of occupancy termination.

He is holding residence hostage by adverse posession.

Did you consider reverse mtg?

DONT KNOW IF FAILURE TO RECOGNIZE POA might work with notification damages 3 x daily cost of care of mother. That would eat up.money he's asking for.
Sorry, like said. When give him money what guarantee he wouldd even go. He evidently has though and researched.
Yet he is holding house hostage.
Short of fumagating and disaster where plumbing not working no water health hazard so health dept condemns.
Maybe move the behaving badly caregivers in with him for housemates.

this is a horrible situation. no way could I ever agree to anything like that. but i'm not in your situation. sometimes family just suck. good luck with him. and God Bless.. you and mom

Thanks Churchmouse for understanding! You have no idea how much I appreciate your words about Priorities and my Mom. And yes, soon I can write my brother off for good and I don't care what he does with the money he gets, that's his problem. Some people may think money is everything but I beg to differ.

I could have married an extremely wealthy man but I would have been the most miserable person because I never loved him. I have an estranged sister who married for money and she is the most miserable person I ever met. I learned a long time ago that even though money helps it does not buy happiness nor inner peace. Guess I'm a different type of person.

Jenna

Jenna, it's with gritted teeth but I will say you are right, it is a matter of priorities, and to go back to the original question it kind of is emotional if not technical blackmail, but you know what? At least once this is done you will be able to conclude that your brother just is a horrible human being and thank God you need have nothing further to do with him.

And he'll be a HHB with enough money to cause his mother no further concern. You can write him off.

You're right, it'll be worth it. Sorry it's come to this.

Jenna, your brother insists on using money to purchase a home? He is probably on Medicaid and would be disqualified if he took a settlement in cash. He is trying to purchase exempt assets and spend down. If he is relocating, a purchased home is a quick way to establish residency and get the disability claim with Florida's Medicaid folks. However, he may find that Florida Medicaid is very different than some other states...the legislature and governor there did not take the expanded Medicaid.

Hi Mom2Mom,

The settlement my brother will receive is also his inheritance (he will have no claim to any future monies). By law my brother is not considered a tenant.

I really dislike the "if" word but here it goes: If my Mom would have made my brother pay rent and had a lease agreement then my brother could have been evicted within a month or so (he would have been considered a tenant). But my Mom didn't do that and let him live for free with her for 11 years. That was a huge mistake and I warned my Mom not to let my brother move in with her. I also suggested to make my brother pay rent which he could have easily afforded but that never happened either.

I'm happy for you that everything worked out. I am working on a deadline to get my Mom's house sold (closing is in 2 weeks). If my Mom were younger and in better health I would have considered going for the long term eviction of my brother in which the Judge still would have awarded my brother money but my main concern is my Mom and her health. I don't know how much time my Mom has left. Priorities...

Jenna

Jenna,

I am sorry to her that he will get a settlement. while I think it is a good idea to have laws to protect tenants against unscrupulous landlords, where is the protection for landlords against unscrupulous tenants? I am so glad my state laws worked out for us (even though it still took months). We ended up renting Mom's house out for $2400 a month so the five months he squatted cost her $12K in unseen rent.

Just an update: I spoke with an attorney who was highly recommended by another attorney and he explained that in the state my brother is residing he does have rights and even if I started the eviction process (which can take many, many months not including the sheriff) the judge would still probably award my brother money (no one knows how much). He explained to me all the reasons which is too long to go into.

Bottom line is my Mom is 90 years old and we don't need the stress. I live in another state where my Mom now resides with me and I can't leave her alone too long and travel back and forth from state to state due to her dementia.

The attorney explained to me this is not a gift but a settlement which will not affect her getting Medicaid if and when she needs it.

This attorney is drafting a legal notice where my brother will get the money he wants but will have to leave the premises before he gets that money. He will talk to my brother and explain it to him. So I will know soon what will happen.

I also called APS and the lady said this was a legal matter but being the nice lady she is was going to look further into it.

All I want is to have peace of mind so I can take care of my Mom. It's only me and I don't have any help. I am doing the best I can for everyone involved even though my brother is a horrible human being and doesn't deserve a penny but I can't fight the rights he has because my Mom made mistakes by letting him move in with her and not drawing up a lease agreement and making him pay rent. The past is the past.

Jenna

Consider offering him the amount needed to rent, not buy, a modest apartment for 12 months plus a little for utilities.....take it or face eviction. Most real estate transactions can be cancelled without a lot of fuss.....unless the "Specific Performance" box was checked.....then you have trouble.

I was in a similar situation with my brother except that he didn't demand money, just refused to leave. I filed eviction proceedings against him in a process called "Tenant Holding Over" which in Maryland, means a tenant with no lease. It did take months but we prevailed in court. I knew it would take a couple more months to get on the Sheriff's list so I offered him $1,000 to move out before a certain date. He failed to meet the deadline but did eventually leave before the sheriff put him out. (He didn't get his $1,000)

He left the place full of trash and dirt but at least we had the house back.

Anyway, I think $80,000 is crazy unreasonable. Heck, I thought $1,000 was unreasonable for a payoff. I would file whatever court action is needed in your state just to get the ball rolling while you try anything else you are going to try. I would hate for you to not file because "it will take a year" and then see a year go by anyway.

When did she take out the reverse mortgage? Because unless it was several years ago mightn't there also be questions about what happened to the money the mortgage company loaned her?

If I were you I'd go and see either a lawyer with financial planning expertise or a financial planning adviser with a very good reputation, and ask for help with planning for the three of you. Like after a divorce: you all need somewhere to live, you all need a reasonable amount of security and certainty, and there are only so many resources available: what's the best and fairest distribution?

The thing is, at 67 and with a disability, your brother isn't much less vulnerable or better able to provide for himself than your mother is. Not to say that he can have whatever he wants, obviously; but his needs are substantial. A negotiated settlement would seem to be the best outcome.

Just venting frustration on your behalf - do you know anyone who can talk to your brother and tell him to stop being such a t**t?

Have you mentioned the reverse mortgage to the attorney you spoke to? I thought that reverse mortgages needed to be paid off if the owner was no longer living in the house. The mortgage company will want their money, and if you already have a buyer, they will want the sale to go through. They may have some leverage against your brother in the terms of the mortgage agreement. If you have POA for your mother you should be able to discuss this with the reverse mortgage holder.

08/29/16.... Jenna, Medicare is different from Medicaid... no need to worry about Medicare. No one loses their well earned Medicare benefits.

It is if your Mom needs a higher level of care down the road and needs to go into long term care, Medicaid will help cover the cost if your Mom cannot afford it from her own funds. This is a State program that is funded by the taxpayers and Federal funds, one has to apply for this program. This is why I worry about the "gift" of equity from your Mom's house to your brother. That could keep her out of the program for awhile.

I can understand why your Mom is selling the house, as a Reverse Mortgage rules usually state if the owner is out of the house after one year, then the loan needs to be repaid. Otherwise the house will go into foreclosure. Sadly it sounds like your brother doesn't understand, or wants to understand the process :(

Jenna, your mom won't lose Medicare benefits. When the others mention "gifting" creating a problem, they're referring to Medicaid. While your mom may not need Medicaid now, she may in the future, especially if she needs a skilled nursing facility in the future.

I'm assuming you're speaking to real estate attorneys. It would be wise to have a consult with an elder care attorney about how to do this without creating a problem later, should your mother need Medicaid.

Pam, I understand what you are saying about the eviction process. If I were to proceed with the eviction the attorney who would take the case told me it could take up to 1 year (3 different attorneys told me the same thing as that's the law in that state). That means my Mom loses the sale of her house and has to pay $18,000 in taxes on her house plus all the other expenses which she does not have. I'm very confused and don't know what to do.

Thanks everyone for all your responses. I never even thought about "gifting" and how it would affect my Mom's Medicare (she doesn't get Medicaid). My brother wants $80,000 because he wants to put down at least $40,000 on a Condo in Florida (he's 67 and disabled) and use the rest for moving expenses, buying furniture, etc. He told me he is totally against renting. He wants a condo.

My Mom (who resides with me) in another state (I moved her from her house to get her away from my brother's abuse and neglect) wanted to buy a house for herself and me so I would have some security. My Mom also took out a reverse mortgage and when I go to closing which is in 2 weeks from now has to pay back $210,000. After the reverse mortgage is paid and my brother is paid we can't afford to buy a decent house. I'm renting so I am used to that and don't mind.

So would my Mom lose her Medicare benefits? I don't know what to do now.

Jenna

08/29/16.... Jenna, it might be less stressful to pay your brother a reasonable sum to have him move, otherwise when it is comes to go to settlement on the house and your brother is still in the house, the Buyer could sue for contract default. Unless you tell your Realtor and he/she tells the Buyer's Realtor that there is a problem. The contract could be voided.

It could become a can of worms, as the Buyer probably has a contract pending on their own house, and that Buyer buying the other Buyer's house could have a contact pending on their house.... it the domino effect.

The only thing I worry about is if your Mom needs Medicaid down the road, that sum your gave your brother from the equity in the house could be viewed as a "gift" which would hurt financially your Mom's chances of getting Medicaid.

Or you could just attempt to socially shame him. Tell everyone what he is up to, truthfully of course. I can;t think too many people whoud approve of this. Of course, if he's pulling this stunt he probably does not care what people think. Good luck...

I guess I don;t understand that. If you leave the power on, and just turn off the fun stuff... you aren't harming him.. just making his life less fun at mom's (probable) expence. What kind of ruling whould that be? He could still live there in safety with heat and such.. You mean if I decided to cut bills and shut off the TV, etc my family could sue me?

No, turning off the utilities would be illegal and a judge would rule in his favor.

Can you empty the house and have the utilies mainly shut off? Not power of course, but TV, internet,anything else? I realize he could try to get them reconnected, but if his name is not on the home you may be able to block this.

Thank you! I knew you'd know :)

If, during the eviction process, he demands, in writing, a sum of money to compensate him for his loss off licensee rights, or a judge awards him a sum of money, then he is paid from the proceeds of the sale. Giving him money without doing the legal paperwork creates a gifting problem.

Your mother isn't still living in this house, is she? You have already moved her?

The old definition of blackmail used to be "demanding money with menaces." But the thing is, your brother isn't menacing your mother because it makes no observable difference to her when her house gets sold. He is, however, making life stressful and awkward and three times as difficult as it needs to be for you. He shouldn't, he is a pain. But if you avoid telling your mother about these difficulties I see no reason for her to get stressed about it, no reason why she should even be aware of the situation.

How much is he asking for, by the way? You could try offering him, say, up to three months' rent on a reasonable one-person property; or whatever you think would be enough help for him to pack up and move out. Does he have anywhere to move to?

Waïving, not waving - stupid spellcheck!

Jenna as you say, as you have been told, your brother has rights. Looked at from that point of view, it isn't unreasonable that he expects to be compensated for waving them. But - Pam will know - if you (on your mother's behalf) give him some of her money to compensate him, where will that leave her in terms of gifting and so on? How could he be paid the amount he is claiming without its being treated as a gift?