Eating all the wrong food. Any thoughts?

Did he eat the seafood salad as well?

The thing is, as sugar goes, jam and jello are not big league stuff. If you really want to cram pure sucrose down yourself, drink original Coke or coat everything with frosting. He's eating sugar with fruit in it on bread, and sugar with protein in it, and if he's eating the good stuff too maybe it's not so simple to understand as a sweet tooth.

Do you have access to a dietitian? Preferably one with a good insight into dementia-related eating/appetite disorders?

Was he diagnosed with dementia? Excess sugar consumption is terrible for one's health, but how would it correlate to dementia exactly? If he was so active and well before, I don't see how sugar would destroy everything.

You could stop buying sugary foods (or try sugar free alternatives) but if he has access to transportation or money, he'll get it himself if you don't.

I'm no medical expert, but this "Nah, I'd rather just eat sugar and die earlier" doesn't sound like dementia. It sounds more like depression. When someone is depressed, they don't care about themselves or how they hurt others. Doesn't mean they're bad people; just not mentally well.

It's been proven that sugar 'lights up' the brain much like cocaine does. It stimulates the feel-good chemicals. The resulting insulin spike that leads to the sugar crash just drives the person to eat more of it again, and there's the vicious cycle that's quite difficult to break. Main thing I've seen sugar do is contribute to diabetes. If he hasn't gotten that by now, don't guess he ever will?

16 years may not have seemed like a big gap when you married, but now you are middle age with an elderly husband. Unfortunately, he will be "done" mentally and physically before you will.

Does husband have diabetes or pre-diabetes? How is his weight? Has he gained or lost lately? You could have Dr. get his A1C checked, which is a measure of the body's glucose control. You could also get a home blood glucose monitoring device. If all looks OK, I guess I'd just let it be and let him eat as he wants. If he was formerly a very active guy, his body may have the kind of metabolism that allows him to burn up sugar and carb calories easily. You could of course get low/no sugar substitutes for things such as jello and jams/jellies. Does he like yogurt? You could buy or make plain yogurt and put in your own fruits or berries, whihs would be alot less sugar than in off the shelf flavored yogurts. Homemade puddings can be made with sugar substitutes. Instead of sodas, flavored seltzers with some real fruit juice added. Someone we know has a "sodastream" device that makes carbonated water to which you can add flavoring or juice; lots less expensive than buying bottled seltzer.

As long as he is competent, it's really up to him what types of food that he eats. If he wants to eat things he enjoys, knowing that they may not prolong his life, it's his decision. (And, your post says that he has told you this.) My dad is 82 and for the last 10 years, his doctors don't harp on his diet. They may say try to keep ice cream to one bowl a day, but, they aren't very concerned about it. And, he's a heart patient.

No. The dementia didn't come from Sugar. Please don't buy into food conspiracy theory. We all want a REASON. Most of the reason is in our genetic makeup. Why are you trying to keep him going into his 90s with a diagnosis of dementia? What does he have left now but some few things he loves, like his food.
I hope others will tell you how to make carrot shreds in a jello salad mold, how to incorporate some things like the natural sugars of sweet potatoes with a little brown sugar, how to trick him into a wonderful dish made of potatoes, cheese and cream. An Italian meatball sandwich dripping with cheese? Must be something. Manwhile, keep some sugar free jello stuffed with great fruits and veggies on hand at all time.
Wishing you luck. I am an old RN and I don't much believe in deprivation at this point. Why? For what? As Dr. Dean Edell used to say "Why. For another year in the nursing home?" You might want to find an old copy of his book "Eat, Drink and be Merry".

Jamison, as we age we will tend to lose our sense of taste. Healthy food items we once enjoyed are now blah tasting. So hello to sugary foods which one can still taste.

My parents [90+] would have on their grocery list a few healthy items until I would come to the Hostess Cupcakes, the vanilla fudge ice cream, the chocolate chip muffins, blueberry pie, several cans of whip cream, Little Debbies snacks, etc.

Yes, I am from the school that believes if one reaches a certain age, if they want ice cream for breakfast you ask "one scoop or two".

You could try organic foods, example I found that Nature's Path makes really good tasting cereals.

My situation is a bit different. I too love sugar although I try to keep it in moderation. After a difficult move where I found it hard to diet I was planning to drop it and resume exercising. Well that is not happening because after several months of complications from a root canal I was told my jaw was fractured. Last week I had surgery on it which was fairly major. I have a large scar,alot of swelling,a distorted mouth,and am on a PICC line for 6 weeks. I can only eat soft food. I try to keep it healthy but some of the choices involve sugar such as custards and some other soft items. With all i have recently endured I could not give up sugar.

I think you should not worry about this for your husband. You might try and reduce some of what he consumes. Make the jello yourself in controlled amounts. Try the sugar free choices and see if he notices the difference. He is suffering and no doubt is aware all is not right. If this brings him pleasure why deny it. I think the best you can do is control certain amounts. Hopefully this might cause you less frustration. I wish you the best. It is very hard to live with a serious health issue. At 63 I never thought this disaster would happen to me. Yesterday I had to show my 89 year old mother my face. She suffers from memory loss. The look on her face was heartbreaking. I know she loves me and there is nothing she can do. I hope it won't consume her thoughts.

If you’re worried about his weight & him being able to maintain mobility, that’s one thing. But trying to restrict sugar just to keep him healthy? His mind is only going to get worse along with the other physical issues dementia brings. He should have some food he really enjoys. Even at hospitals & nursing homes patients get dessert with lunch & dinner everyday.

If I get dementia I sure hope someone still brings me doughnuts!

When we take my 92 y/o mother with dementia out for a meal, my husband always tells her, "Eat dessert first. That's my motto."

Lives are already destroyed by dementia. Why destroy what's left of them with restricted diets for no good reason?

Best of luck as you navigate this difficult road.

There is some evidence that sugar substitutes may be worse for you than sugar itself. Splenda (sucrolose) can be very hard on your digestion, there are questions about aspartame as well. Saccharin can have a slightly bitter aftertaste, but is reasonably safe. Stevia is the least hard on your body; it is derived from a south American plant. Sweeteners may not satisfy a "sweet tooth", however. If you can add fruits and proteins to his meals, that might help fill him up.

If eating sugar makes him happy, I say let him have his sugar.

My husband was 37, the picture of health, diet conscious, exercised, etc. He felt bad a couple of days, went to the doctor. Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Dead less than a year later. If he were alive and wanted sugar I’d go buy it for him. One never knows what the future holds. Have some pleasure while you’re able to enjoy.

I am not aware of a dementia link to excess sugar consumption. But have you had his blood sugar levels checked by his doctor?

If you do the shopping you control the food in the house. If the doctor indicates there is a reason to be concerned about his consumption, then you can shop accordingly. Sugar free Jello, low sugar jam. Buy multi grain, or oatmeal bread, so he is getting additional nutrients with his jam on toast.

My neighbour Al, had diabetes and chose to eat himself to death. His wife had left him and he did not feel like he had anything further to live for, so he drank regular coke, ate loads of sweets and died in his early 60's.

If you dh's doctor says his blood sugar is ok, then you can worry less, but still replace some of the sugar filled snacks with lower sugar ones. Be mindful that too much sugar substitute can lead to diarrhea. My former mil found this out when she ate an entire jar of sugar free jam I had made her in 2 days. Served her right for being so greedy.

Blessings to all of you. My thinking is in line with all this - and I really appreciate the support!

On the dementia-related point, what I meant was that maybe the dementia could be affecting his appetite and triggering cravings. I blame sugar for lots of things, but not for causing dementia! (as far as I know...)

Seems like sugar gets a bad rap for a lot of stuff. I think artificial ingredients like fake sugar (sugar substitutes) may even be worse. Just my opinion.

Sugar is an issue for diabetics. Other than that I feel moderation is the key to everything.

It isn't just your opinion, NHWM - sorry, didn't mean that to sound so disparaging! - there is a good deal of research going on into the effect of artificial sweeteners on the gut biome and its relationship with other body systems, with some extremely interesting questions being identified. No answers as yet, I don't think.

But then again, why eat something that is nutritionally valueless if you don't have to and it's got a question mark over it?

This is a tangent from the topic, but I find it incredibly interesting and I hope others will too - it's on the sweeteners/gut health point.

Just checked: "Somewhere between 300 and 1000 different species [of bacteria] live in the gut, with most estimates at about 500. However, it is probable that 99% of the bacteria come from about 30 or 40 species, with Faecalibacterium prausnitzii being the most common species in healthy adults."

The piece of research I was listening to was about certain of these species being wiped out by common sweeteners. Each one of these species plays its special part in your digestion. Each type lives on particular compounds, and in digesting its diet it contributes to yours. So if one little element in the process breaks down, what happens to the process?

The main point of all this is that we don't know enough. You'd have to check not just what the sweeteners do to those 500-odd different species individually, but what happens in combination and in various contexts.

My mother is 94 and is now bedridden with dementia. Her diet consists mainly of "sweet stuff." That's one thing she still enjoys and she will say "that's sooo good" and has a very pleasant look on her face. She will eat some veggies too but I never get the same reaction as when she eats the sweets. I like to see her happy so if sweets do the trick that's OK with me. Best of luck to you

My DH had type II diabetes and rather than get out of bed and get moving and lose the 75 lbs around his gut---he chose to take Metformin and eat as much of what he wanted of whatever he wanted. He ALSO said he'd rather die happy than give up carbs. (The Metformin gave him raging---and I mean RAGING diarrhea all the time--we couldn't go anywhere w/o a complete change of clothes--and he was only 60 years old--it was so gross. He smelled like poop a lot of the time and I had to ask him to please shower before climbing in to bed. No wonder our imitate life died out completely--he chose sugar over sex!)

FF a few years and he has 2 massive heart attacks. It was all related, the weight, the immobility, AND totally occluded arteries. 2 procedures to place stents and he was a 'new man'.

He was SHOCKED into losing the 70 lbs and changing his lifestyle and eating. The diabetes no longer required Metformin, but he still gets 'sick' when he eats a lot of carbs. He quit sugary soda and the 4-5 bowls of cereal that started every day. He's so much better. He doesn't watch his carb intake and I have to really cook differently, as he has zero self control and admits it.

I do not buy sugary things. Even carby things. He went to Costco the other night and bought a giant bag of tortilla chips, and 3 huge bags of candy. I gave the candy away and told him that since I was not canning salsa (he LOVES my homemade salsa!) he better enjoy that last bag of chips and the last few jars of salsa.

Salsa is gone, he picked the last of the garden last night and brought it in with much fanfare and said he was SURE there was enough for 2 batches of salsa. I told him to have a nice Saturday, I'd walk him through the process--only take 6 hrs from start to finish..) he really tried to get me to agree to make the salsa--and I won't bow. (I have cancer and the chemo has left me with zero strength and endurance. It is what it is.)

My point, lost in the fog of where my brain was, is you CANNOT change him. My DH will go out and get a milkshake or something---effectively ruining that days' sugar intake. He is better and he DOES check his A1c and its' been OK. I cook healthily, I gave up trying to have any control over his diet. He does not care.

He will eat sugar free jello if there is a good size glob of 'real' whipped cream on it. I always have fresh fruit on hand and since he doesn't love fruit, he will be self limiting on that. Few carbs--a couple weeks ago I baked cookies for neighbors and he came home from work as I was delivering these and he ate a DOZEN chocolate chip cookies. They were on a plate and wrapped, so he KNEW they weren't for him (I had set aside 4 he could have over the course of the evening) He ate those first, then just plowed through the dozen with about 24 oz of milk.

No dinner for him.

Sorry overlong point--but showing you that you have less control than you think. My Dh actually told his cardiologist that he was obese because I am 'too good a cook'. Dr said that was the first time he'd ever heard that.

MidKid,

Hahaha! Your posts are always so honest. I love that. I relate most to ‘no nonsense’ direct people who don’t beat around the bush or ‘sugar coat’ anything. I don’t even put sugar in my coffee or tea! I like coffee to taste like coffee and tea to taste like tea. Why alter it?

I think you should write a book with the little stories about your hubby during your treatment. You’re quite good at expressing the situation and bring a few chuckles to the table every time.

I think it would actually be therapeutic for others in your situation because their husbands are probably the same. They would know that they aren’t alone. Not to mention it would be so damn entertaining!

Let’s face it. Men are wired differently! I have a great husband but we certainly don’t see eye to eye on everything. That’s impossible.

I do like that we agree to disagree when necessary. We each have a right to our own opinions.

Mid, your husband sounds like mine. He has a sweet tooth that goes down to his toes! When we dine out he looks at the sweets on the menu first, then plans accordingly.

The only difference is he was a track runner when I met him and had an extremely lean, muscular body. He still does. He’s still active and very trim and fit. Neither of us ‘live to eat.’ We ‘eat to live.’

I adore your outlook, not just about your ideas on the forum but in your personal life in day to day situations or in very trying times.

I look to certain people for inspiration and look forward to knowing that I will be uplifted and laugh and you are among that list. Laughter is good for the soul and God knows we have all done our share of crying. I cry if I need to but I never want to forget how to laugh. It’s too dark of a place. So thanks for bringing us joy and laughter in the midst of very serious topics. I appreciate it so much.

I know that "sugar" is the popular villain nowadays and maybe justifiably. But every cell in the body requires glucose to live. In fact, every food we humans eat turns into sugar (glucose) eventually, or it is useless for nutrition. I'm not an expert, nor specialist, but I believe this to be biological fact, and I have spent many years working and studying in the health field. The list of "ose" substances (i.e. sugars) is so long and varied that legitimate researchers, and food product sales people alike, should have enough material to last them until the year 2099 at least. Oooops! Sorry. I forgot, we won't be here more than 12 more years!

I remember how, in the early 1950s my parents were told that my 85 year old grandmother should be denied puffed rice cereal with half and half cream and spoonfuls of sugar (which is all she would eat on some days). Such meals were going to kill her, said the doctor. They did kill her. She lived only 5 more years!

I know some readers will find my tongue-in-cheek words offensive, uncaring, unscientific. I apologize if they come across that way. Please don't be offended. I'm already past 77 and can, in some ways, sympathize with Jamisons husband, who apparently relished more than a little risk in his life. And what a wonderfully exciting and productive life it has been. Okay, his diet is a risk he's not willing to give up. ( I know that someday, somebody, will have to pry a Snickers bar from my cold dead hands). If hubby can make jello and operate the dishwasher he's a long ways from Alzheimers.

You may be just strengthening his resistance by making such an issue over diet. You obviously love him a lot. Tell him so. Hug him . Do things together. Give him healthy foods when he will eat them, but when he won't....change your focus. Pick your battles. You can still take good care of yourself and I hope you will. Your husband is a lucky man to have such a caring wife.

It IS depressing to watch our LOs we are caring for deteriorating before our very eyes, with a lot of the reason being their bad choices.

But, not sure how far you want to go with this. Is it worth making it a hill to die on? If you cut his sugar out, he'll probably be very angry. I totally understand wanting to keep him from eating sugar and I would be verrry tempted to do so if it were me. He has dementia - does he really understand the implications of trading sugar for a shorter life?

I'm wondering similar things about my mom. A bit different, but for me, it's does she understand that moving less is going to increase her pain and decrease her mobility? But, unfortunately, I can't force her to make the right choice and do the freakin PT. So, I'm forced to watch her decline as she sits around and is going to make her world smaller and smaller, etc.

She is also a sugarholic. And VERY overweight. Both very bad for her. She says sugar is her drug. Makes me crazy. I provide high quality meals that are low carb, organic, etc. She gets sugar when she is out and if my husband brings crap home. I don't provide it but I KNOW she gets it and plenty of it. I feel somewhat good that she is at least getting lots of good stuff too.

Oy, this eldercare thing is not for the faint of heart!

i was told as we age we lose tastebuds That is one of the reasons many seniors want sugar because they can taste the sweetness more than regular food.
My mother 94/Dementia eats so much junk food, I don’t like it but food has become her reason for life.

I used to live with someone who had hyperglycemia.. The Dr told me it could turn into diabetes and to start buying sugar free foods, cakes pies, jello, everything. So I did and he seemed to like it ok. Once I had to go down to dunkin donuts and grab a bag of donuts out of his hands, you should have seen the look on his face. Keeping an eye on somebodys habits is not easy.

My husband has early onset Alzheimer’s and was always a very healthy eater, worked out daily, non-smoker, etc. As the dementia progressed, he wanted sweets. I was told that it was a taste they still could enjoy. I went with the let him enjoy it school of thought. He did have a good appetite for regular meals and we did walk for exercise, but I figured that trip to get an ice cream cone or cake for dessert was giving him pleasure and I wanted him to have a happy life. He’s now in late stage and confined to a Broda chair or bed. Iced coffee, ice cream, and chocolate still give him pleasure and for me that’s what it’s all about. There is no happy ending with this disease, so why not do things you enjoy while you can. At least that is my philosophy.

All you can really do is at thi Point, Being he is Like this, Is try and cook something he Might like that is healthy. Other than That, Not seeing any changes Here, dear, He Has Lived this Long, Although Demetia has set in, He is till Going it...

Don't think I have an answer. Big age difference with my mom with dementia who is now 97 and was confirmed to have it 3-4 years ago...I take it a day at a time or try to and don't keep track. She is still functional in many ways. Her eating habits leave lots to be desired...but the way I look at it, she's made it to 97 and any time lab work is done she's healthy. Only med she takes is half a BP pill. And a vitamin and calcium supplement. Dad is the one bringing sweets and snacks in; she grazes. Is she hungry? Who knows...but she doesn't eat it all consistently. I have caught her gazing (hmm gazing and grazing, a new syndrome?) into the fridge and she will poke around with her dirty little hands and take things out. NEVER puts anything BACK so leaves things that can spoil on the counter. She pigs out on some healthy stuff...olives (black and green). Fruit that may be cut up. Grapes...she stands at the counter eating and then will spit the skins or center part in the sink. Dementia sucks and we're going to lose these people at some point anyhow. Is it worth the grief of the hassle of stopping it? Not to me. As I told my father (which he at 102 took the wrong way I might add) "it hasn't killed her yet." And HE is the one bringing the stuff in. I just think that if it were me, I'd want to be left the hell alone to eat what I want too.

Stopping the sugar may not help the dementia. It probably will help keep his body healthier. You don't mention if he has a blood sugar problem. Does he have diabetes? With dementia, it might be kindest to let him enjoy himself. I've noticed that seniors often get on sugar kicks when they are declining. You could stop having sugary foods around and see if he misses them. Or switch to the sugar free foods using stevia or other sweeteners. Good luck to you and try to stay strong for both of you.

One of the challenges with a sugar filled diet is the constant hunger. Not enough fiber in those foods so we are looking to fill the void.

Can you make the jello for him and add fresh fruit, nuts, shredded veggies? This would give him his sugar fix and let you know that he is getting some nutrition with it.

I would avoid artificial sweeteners, they have been proven to be neurotoxins. Any benefit of reducing sugar is cancelled out and then some.

You can use whole sugar (the kind that has all the nutrients left in it, it is dark brown and delicious), molasses, maple sugar, raw honey and fruits to sweeten things without filling up with white sugar.

I would also look at ingredients and avoid as much high fructose corn syrup as possible. It is killing our gut health and it is all gmo with a side of round up.

Be creative and get those fibers and nutrients into his sweet treats. You will see that he doesn't just eat the entire thing because he will feel more sated.

Real sugar coke with lime jello and fresh fruits and walnuts is crazy good and a well balanced meal. I know it sounds gross, but it is one of those recipes that shocks you.

You have to learn to pick your battles with dementia, no reasoning with a broken brain. Find ways to meet both of your desires. Honestly, I would not want to have a long life if I was losing my mind. Maybe he feels the same way.

Isthisrealyreal kind of said it all.

Sugar-fixations are and have been very common with the elderly. I remember hearing about them back in the 1970's and it was not a new concept even then.

The elderly find it easier to eat a bag of cookies than to cook even a TV-Dinner. Heck, even I will grab a jar of peanut butter instead of cooking sometimes.

As Isthisrealyreal stated, you must learn to pick your battles. Any foods are better than no foods. Have you tried incorporating Nutritional Shakes into his diet? At least then you have a better chance of his getting his nutritional needs met. I did it by making my DH hot cocoa and using the Ensure Plus as the base for it. It kept him reasonably healthy for over a year when he started refusing foods.

When my DH passed last year, the same nutritional shakes kept me alive until I too was ready to return to real foods.