Good day everyone - I'll try to be brief, but get my point across. My Mom is in ICU, and there isn't much time left. I am her sole caregiver and have been since my dad passed away seven years ago. She has been in a steady decline over the last 3-4 months or so, but the last month has been the worst. Among the issues she suffers from are dementia, thyroid condition, cancer, stage-5 renal failure and some heart failure. Her dementia recently showed a sharp decline and she ended up in the hospital due to not being able to take her meds properly. We got her back to somewhat normal (normal for her) and got her into Memory Care where she was doing well for the first 3 weeks. This past week, the ended up in the ER with what was believed to be an allergic reaction, then showed fluid buildup and now she's in the ICU with pneumonia and the prognosis is not good. I have gone to see her every few days for the last months. However, in the last few weeks, it has been increasingly more difficult for me to see her. She is rarely lucid, and it's like I'm not there or not familiar to her. Now, since she's been in the hospital, the last few days it's causing my so much anxiety knowing that this is the end that I can't bring myself to go see her. Now, I did see her yesterday before she went into ICU and she was barely able to speak, not making much sense, but did occasionally have semi-lucid moments where she would mention people that had passed a long time ago and how she was with them. She even mentioned that her mother, who passed in 1974 was there and said she'd be back for her soon. So, I'm feeling guilty and really beating myself for not wanting to see her today even though I know it may be the last time and also know that she may not even know me or be conscious enough. I also know that up to this point I have done everything I possible could to make her life and transition to the next step as easy as possible for her, giving her the best of care. Am I horrible for allowing my anxiety to let me feel like this? I don't want her to be alone in her last moments, but I don't even know if she knows I am there. Also, somehow I don't think in her mind she's alone. Any advice? I should also mention that I am an only child and have been the only person with any involvement in any of this, besides my wife, of course who has been a wonderful partner and support system for me. The pressure is mounting.