Drs appointment every week. What can I do?

You have allowed and enabled your mom to continue using you for her apparent obsession with going to the doctors multiple times a week, and only you can make it stop. I can't help but wonder why you've allowed this nonsense to go on for so long. No one should have to go to the doctor that much regardless of their health issues. And why aren't you just setting either virtual appts. or tele visits for her, as all doctors are now doing them since Covid?

You do realize that you are only hurting yourself and your future, by not working a fulltime job at your age. You will have no earnings when it comes time to apply for social security at retirement.
Something has to change and only you can change things. You do not owe your mother anything, especially your life or your future, and until you really understand that, things will remain the same. Your mother is being very selfish, and as long as she has you to use and abuse(yes, she's abusing you)why would she want to hire someone else to do what needs to be done, when she knows you will do it? If you were to say enough is enough, she would have no choice but to hire someone.
And if your mom requires that much medical attention, then she really needs to be placed in the appropriate facility where she will receive the 24/7 care she requires.

It's time for you to get your life back, and quit being at her beck and call. This nonsense has gone on long enough, so put your big girl panties on and tell your mom, that you're done being her slave, and that she will have to find someone else to use, or move into a nursing facility.

I your doctors are like ours you tend to get a phone call telling you "we've booked an appointment for Mrs Smith on X day". You need to get on the phone to re-book any necessary appointments for a day and time that works for you. And you seriously need to learn to just say no to multiple appointments that are merely meaningless chasing around in search of a different answer.
No mom, I can't take any more time off.
No mom, I'm not willing to drive over an hour away, you'll have to see someone local.

My mom was legally blind at age 75 and lived independently until she was in her 90's. I mostly visited weekly to help with her shopping, pick up her mail and pay her bills but when I couldn't be there I knew she'd be fine - she had a lifeline button for emergencies and home care once a week.

I just read your latest update. Stop, just stop. You need to learn that you don't have to jump every time she calls, your time and your needs are just as valuable as hers. 🤗

Dear Confused Ninja, if this all started when you were 17, you have been trained into the situation for all your adult life. Doing things differently must be as difficult as walking out of a convent – no home, no skills, and still caring so much about someone who is blind and deaf and… and… and…!

It must be really hard for you to look at things logically. Logic says that mother can ‘refuse to have anyone but me as her caregiver’, and that equally you can refuse to be the caregiver. That leaves mother to find someone else.

I don’t normally go much on the ‘talk to a therapist’ line, but I really do think that it’s appropriate for you. You have so much to sort out in your own life and where you go from here, as well as how to deal with mother’s demands. The doctor’s appointments are the tip of the iceberg.

Please get some help. Love, Margaret

Hi! Just wondering, if your mom has been to both urgent care and the ER for visits for breathing, etc. and nothing is ever found, could it be that she is having psychosomatic symptoms. Yet, while these may be psychological in origin (not physiologic) she will still feel them as if "something were wrong" with the "afflicted" area. Because she can't see, she may having anxiety issues that are expressing themselves as physical issues. You might want her to see a psychologist or psychiatrist (yes, she'll put up a fight, they always do), but it's part of the stigma of mental healthcare. If her pancreas was the issues, she'd have no problem getting to a doctor, but just because the brain/mind is having an issue...nope. Anyway, at 37 you seriously need to get to work. I am guessing your mom is in her 60s or 70s. She could well live another 20-30 years, and then when she dies how do you live? You won't have social security or savings. She has to have another caregiver in addition to you. I understand a demanding parent--but really, you have to steel yourself for the argument. You must make a living now. It's really not an option for you not to work, believe me, I've had friends fall into that trap and now in their 60s, they are in dire financial straights and they don't have kids to take care of them. Please, please, take care of your mom but you have to take care of yourself.

No is a complete sentence.

I used to get frustrated with dad when he would miss one of his (or mom’s) doctor’s appointments.

In retrospect, a large percentage of the appointments were completely unnecessary and although they “had” the time, these doctors appointments were a drain on their “golden years.” could be somewhat depressing and prevented them from having time to do the things they loved most.

Re: to ur reply to Garden Artist.

What you wrote means Mom may be a hypochondriac and you are paying the price. You need to put your foot down. All tests have been run, doctors say nothing is wrong. Tell her NO. I am not taking you. You are an adult not a child and deserve to be respected. She needs you more than you need her at this point of her life. If she insists u take her, tell her to get a cab. Take senior bussing. Let her be mad. Boundaries by Townsend and cloud is a very good read my daughter says.

Guilt is self imposed
No is one sentence
You are not responsible for someone's reaction to your No. (From the book Boundries)

First of all, your mother refusing anyone but you has to stop today. She is the one who is needy not you so really the decision is not hers to make. You are not the only person on earth who can help her.
Speak very plainly and tell her she has a choice. Either she will accept a paid caregiver bringing her to the doctor's appointments, or she will go without medical care. Her choice. I'm sure she won't put stubbornness and orneriness before her own health care.
As for the 'getting paid to do nothing', there's only one way to handle that.

Mom needs a bit of tough love. She has to experience what life will be like if you really did nothing. Then stop. Don't accept her money and don't do a single thing for her. Do not help her in any way with anything. No rides, meals, housekeeping, paying bills, grocery shopping, errands, medication organizing, etc... Do nothing. Keep this up until mom changes her tune and learns to treat you with some basic respect. This probably won't last a day. Stop letting her walk all over you.
Arrange homecare services to help out for your mother then get a day job. It will be good for you both. My mother too has a collection of doctors. I spent years running her from doctor to doctor for nothing. She has some health conditions, but is also a hypochondriac. One day I just said 'enough' and got a job. Turns out I'm not the only person on earth who can get her to one of her doctors. In fact, I'm not even the only person she knows who can.
Your mother will continue to treat you like a doormat and servant as long as you continue to be the solution for all of her problems and care needs.
Take back your life. It will be good for both of you and will improve your relationship.

Figure out what would happen to her if you were to get hit by a bus and killed or disabled tomorrow. It absolutely could happen, and if there is no backup plan, she would be in a very bad situation. Once you figure that out, start to extricate yourself by implementing little by little that plan. This woman is your mother, not your vocation and purpose for living. Please, please think of what YOU want out of life. Soon enough you will be 50 and then 60 and then 70. Your life will go by, so live it so that you will know that you lived it. It would break my heart to think of my daughter (now 23) devoting the next 14 years to me.