My 84 year old mother blacked out at the wheel and crashed through my neighborhood fence. No one was hurt but she has now gone out and bought a new Mercedes so she can drive again. I am so against this and not sure what to do or say.
This never ever should have been allowed - her buying another car. Why / how did this happen?
Someone / family member needs to gain legal authority to manage aspects of her life, i.e. POA and manage medical/financial.
The DMV didn't revoke her license? You need to see about doing this asap. If she is not deemed (or tested) to be incompetent, this needs to be done yesterday. If she is considered competent, something still need to be done to avoid her killing another person and wrecking property.
PLEASE do not wait until she kills herself or others. You say you are against this although no information is provided as to her health / mental health / dementia, etc is mentioned nor who is responsible to care for her.
I hope you understand the urgency of this situation.
Can you take both keys to her car without her know? That can buy you a little time. I would go to the police department and report the accident and let them know your concerns.
The car can be dis-engaged from starting. The car key can be changed to another key that won't open the car. The car door can be plugged up with something. AND THE POLICE DEPARTMENT needs to be notified as well as the DMV.
Do not know what you mean about your comment. Where does it say her doctor should get her driving privileges back? Also, her boyfriend aided her to buy another car. He may be equally responsible for her actions should another accident happen.
Please reread what Linda said:
LindaM22 Jan 12, 2023 Thank you to everyone for the advice. I'm new to this site, so hope my answer will be seen by all.
My mother lives in the neighborhood across the street. In this case she was visiting a friend in my neighborhood and crashed on her 1 mile home. She blamed the accident on having to go to the bathroom, then food poisoning then low blood pressure. We never found out the truth because she wouldnt go to the doctor to get checked out. She does have other medical issues, diabetes, low kidney function, high cholesterol, cataracts (that she denies but I heard the eye doctor tell her that), and she recovered from a sepsis 2 years ago!
The other problem with all this, is that I have a sister that refuses to acknowledge that this even happened. In fact, her boyfriend is a cop and he "assessed the scene" so he didn't file a police report. Now I understand that if he filed a report she could have lost her license which my sister was not going to let happen or she would have assist with taking care of my mom.
My mom also has an 82 year old boyfriend who took her to go buy the new car. Ironically, its the same car my sister drives so sure there was some influence in that decision.
I have stressed my thoughts and fears about her not driving to all family and friends but no one takes it seriously. They think its "great" that she is "independent" We are in Florida and the roads are packed with traffic and erratic drivers. This will not end well.
Perhaps I need to rephrase what I said earlier and do apologize.
Forget about including those texting drivers. Do you think Linda's mother is one of them?? Please let's just focus on one apparent unsafe driver who is Linda's mother, who has several medical problems, including cataracts. Needs to be evaluated by her doctor if an safe or unsafe driver. If she is at risk of future blackouts, this is what I perceive as an unsafe driver. Thank you.
Please get her a medical evaluation NOW. People do not just "black out" at any age. This needs to be treated before she starts driving again. If need be, take her to the ER.
Disable car first. Then schedule a total physical for your mother, including a Cardio Check. You need to know the medical reason behind the blackouts: could be a seizure, could be low BP, could be Low blood sugar... Be firm. Tell Mom no driving, you are lucky you did not kill a child who was riding a bike on your fence crashing episode. Be firm...Get keys, or take off Distributor cap or other disabling methods. You will need starch in your backbone, but you will save a life. Find out WHY THE BLACKOUT....
Why did your mother black out? I would research that. A friend I know had black out while driving and they couldn't find anything. About 1-2 years later, he had another blackout. Luckily, his wife was in the car and they went directly to the hospital where they found the beginnings of a heart attack and put in a pacemaker.
Unless your Mom was a poor driver before the blackout, I'm not sure I'd be worried. However, if she was a ticking time bomb of a poor driver, since traditional methods have failed, I would suggest you do the guilt trip. My brother would go and visit my Mom weekly and scrutinize the car. Then he would ask her how she got whatever it was that he saw. She had to account for every new scrape on her car. When she couldn't answer the question, he said "how do you know you didn't hit someone?" and "How do you know you didn't run over a child" and "how do you know you didn't run over someone's pet". Eventually she realized that she really didn't know how she got the scrapes on her car and she turned over her keys. If your Mom claims the blackout was due to low sugar or anything like that, then go with "what are you going to do better the next time you feel that way to make sure you don't injure or kill someone?"
I will tell you that once she turned over her keys, even though she rarely drove her car (I think she used less than a tank of gas in a year), her coordination and spatial skills went bad really fast. She stayed active by taking the bus, but there is something about driving a car, that requires the different parts of the brain to work together all at once and make decisions fast while driving the car.
So, I'd go with the guilt trip method if you really want her to give up her car. On the other hand, if she was a decent driver and the only reason why you want her to give up her car is because of her age or the fact that she blacked out, I think you need to figure out why she blacked out.
My mom had seizures. She was blacking out. She was prescribed medication and monitored for six months. Her license was renewed after the six month waiting period.
You can contact DMV to see the best way to get her license taken away. The next hurdle will be to deal with the car and the keys. A lot of people drive without a license. Many families have a real problem with this. It doesn't sound like your mom has dementia but the Alzheimer's Association has ideas on removing the car from an impaired driver. If you think it's a problem now, imagine if she killed someone. Be proactive.
You know, education does not always work for drivers with medical conditions. It will not work with dementia or Alsheimer's. Just fighting with your mom is not enough. Keep the car away from her and disable it. Ignore the protests, and if you cannot, get yourself professional help to deal with situation. But, do not let your mom drive anymore! Should an accident happen, she and her assets may be sued. Anyone who shares her assets may lose as well. No one wants to become homeless if hers/yours is sold to pay for the damages.
For example, my mother battled me and my family for years for her privileges before finally she gave up, thankfully without an accident.
You first need to find the reason for her blacking out to begin with. She should be assessed by her physician to determine causation. At that point he will be able to determine if she’s still capable of holding a drivers license. If she’s not capable the physician is required to notify the DMV
Just ask your mother how she will feel if she kills someone, especially a child. She is being selfish and in denial. Ridiculous her license was not taken away.
Just ask your mother how she will feel if she kills someone, especially a child. She is being selfish and in denial. Ridiculous her license was not taken away.
Contact the registry in your area and they will handle it . It won’t be easy , she will fight it but the ramifications for her hitting someone is too high . Check on line and fill out the form and send it to the registry .
How was your mother able to buy another car? Was the previous accident reported to the insurance company??
Nice to get a new car but sorry it must be immediately disabled so it doesn't get in an accident, too.
And, please report her to the DMV as an unsafe driver. You may do this without telling her. I've read so many situations like this and hope my advice had saved those drivers and others on the roads. Reminds me to be a very careful driver to look out for a "Wayward Driver"!
Do the right thing for her and others.You can not let her continue to be a danger.Return the car.Tell her that her family will start driving her.Even if this is a medical situation, you must know that she is no longer fit to drive.
Please find out if they recently changed her diabetes medication. We had a lady crash through our fence and almost hit our house because she passed out and it was because the doctor had changed her diabetes medicine and she was not handling it well. Please please find out! You have to have a long hard talk with her and find out or someone needs to take her keys away until you get to the bottom of the reason she crashed into the fence!
What I would do is report her to the D.O.T. telling them that you saw this accident happen and that she is unsafe on the road. Give them her license plate make of the vehicle and tell them you saw it weaving all over. Also you can call the police and make an anonymous report of her doing this too.
The other way is to step out of her life and let it run its course because if she has multiple accidents then her license will be pulled and also her vehicle insurance will go up. I know you don't want to step away but sometimes we have too, to get our point over if she is unsafe on the road that is what we need to do is report her.
@LindaM22 Your sisters boyfriend did no favors when he "assessed" the accident scene this may come back to bite him in the buttocks. I hope for his career it doesn't. There are far to many incidents of people driving into buildings, through crowds. I think she should be assessed through a drivers course.
Thank you to everyone for the advice. Im new to this site, so hope my answer will be seen by all.
My mother lives in the neighborhood across the street. In this case she was visiting a friend in my neighborhood and crashed on her 1 mile home. She blamed the accident on having to go to the bathroom, then food poisoning then low blood pressure. We never found out the truth because she wouldnt go to the doctor to get checked out. She does have other medical issues, diabetes, low kidney function, high cholesterol, cataracts (that she denies but I heard the eye doctor tell her that), and she recovered from a sepsis 2 years ago!
The other problem with all this, is that I have a sister that refuses to acknowledge that this even happened. In fact, her boyfriend is a cop and he "assessed the scene" so he didnt file a police report. Now I understand that if he filed a report she could have lost her license which my sister was not going to let happen or she would have assist with taking care of my mom.
My mom also has an 82 year old boyfriend who took her to go buy the new car. Ironically, its the same car my sister drives so sure there was some influence in that decision.
I have stressed my thoughts and fears about her not driving to all family and friends but no one takes it seriously. They think its "great" that she is "independent" We are in Florida and the roads are packed with traffic and erratic drivers. This will not end well.
"Now I understand that if he filed a report she could have lost her license which my sister was not going to let happen or she would have assist with taking care of my mom."
What do you do that assists your mom? Sister doesn't do anything? What's the plan when your mother needs in-home care...are YOU the plan?
IMHO the right thing to do is to disable that car. I had to have the battery disconnected in my mom's car. It is only a matter of time until your mother crashes through a pedestrian in crosswalk or store front, instead of that fence. Your mother is absolutely going to drive until she hurts someone or herself. Certainly she should be medically evaluated. But the important thing is to prevent serious injury or death. God forbid she kills someone and both she and you will have to live with that. You said that you are so against the current situation. Listen to your gut instincts on this.
Yes, a very bad idea, but likely not her first, and as you said, not a whole lot you can do about it. Was any reason for the blackout ever come to? Both my Mom in her 80s and my brother in his 80s quit driving after accidents, in the first case not serious except to the line of trees she mowed down in a nursery, and in the second case very serious indeed and the beginning of his diagnosis as early Lewy's Dementia. I gave up my license in my early 70s because I had never been a specially good driver, and had not driven for years after a move to hilly SF. Was not easy to do, but needed to be done.
In my state a driver’s license is good for four years. I truly believe that licenses should not be issued for that long after a certain age. I am not sure what the cut off age should be.
There are accidents that are directly related to older people. I would never object to having to go every six months to a year to renew my license after a specific age.
Yes, accidents can and do happen at any age. I fully realize this.
Teenagers can’t drive by themselves at first. They get permits. I am thinking about when I took driver’s education as a teenager. The car had breaks on the instructors side of the car. LOL 😆
Glad asked about if the car had artificial intelligence to prevent accidents. I personally love the cameras in my car. These features do help prevent accidents.
My elderly cousin constantly argues about with police about not giving her tickets. She is a speed demon! Other older people creep along. My uncle was pulled over for driving 25 miles an hour on the interstate!
Health issues are a major concern with elderly drivers. Eyesight can be a problem too.
When my cousin went for her driver’s license renewal, she passed the eye exam and always got her license. There are shuttle buses that operate in her senior living apartment. She shouldn’t be driving.
A similar thing happened to my MIL... she rolled into a stop sign in her neighborhood narrowly missing kids who were getting off the school bus. She kept telling us she blacked out, but in hindsight we realized that she probably didn't remember what happened, not that she blacked out. I took her for a physical afterwards. She had memory loss. She never blacked out again. It is possible she had a TIA. I had to act to take away her van and license.
As her daughter you are in the best position to protect other people and your mother. You can go on the DMV website to anonymously report her as a dangerous driver. They will most likely send a letter out telling her she needs to come in for a retest (usually vision, at the minimum). No one should remind her or take her to get this done. Just let her license lapse, then figure out how to keep her away from vehicles.
Why / how did this happen?
Someone / family member needs to gain legal authority to manage aspects of her life, i.e. POA and manage medical/financial.
The DMV didn't revoke her license? You need to see about doing this asap.
If she is not deemed (or tested) to be incompetent, this needs to be done yesterday. If she is considered competent, something still need to be done to avoid her killing another person and wrecking property.
PLEASE do not wait until she kills herself or others.
You say you are against this although no information is provided as to her health / mental health / dementia, etc is mentioned nor who is responsible to care for her.
I hope you understand the urgency of this situation.
The car key can be changed to another key that won't open the car.
The car door can be plugged up with something.
AND THE POLICE DEPARTMENT needs to be notified as well as the DMV.
Do not know what you mean about your comment. Where does it say her doctor should get her driving privileges back? Also, her boyfriend aided her to buy another car. He may be equally responsible for her actions should another accident happen.
Please reread what Linda said:
LindaM22
Jan 12, 2023
Thank you to everyone for the advice. I'm new to this site, so hope my answer will be seen by all.
My mother lives in the neighborhood across the street. In this case she was visiting a friend in my neighborhood and crashed on her 1 mile home. She blamed the accident on having to go to the bathroom, then food poisoning then low blood pressure. We never found out the truth because she wouldnt go to the doctor to get checked out. She does have other medical issues, diabetes, low kidney function, high cholesterol, cataracts (that she denies but I heard the eye doctor tell her that), and she recovered from a sepsis 2 years ago!
The other problem with all this, is that I have a sister that refuses to acknowledge that this even happened. In fact, her boyfriend is a cop and he "assessed the scene" so he didn't file a police report. Now I understand that if he filed a report she could have lost her license which my sister was not going to let happen or she would have assist with taking care of my mom.
My mom also has an 82 year old boyfriend who took her to go buy the new car. Ironically, its the same car my sister drives so sure there was some influence in that decision.
I have stressed my thoughts and fears about her not driving to all family and friends but no one takes it seriously. They think its "great" that she is "independent" We are in Florida and the roads are packed with traffic and erratic drivers. This will not end well.
Perhaps I need to rephrase what I said earlier and do apologize.
Forget about including those texting drivers. Do you think Linda's mother is one of them?? Please let's just focus on one apparent unsafe driver who is Linda's mother, who has several medical problems, including cataracts. Needs to be evaluated by her doctor if an safe or unsafe driver. If she is at risk of future blackouts, this is what I perceive as an unsafe driver. Thank you.
Be firm. Tell Mom no driving, you are lucky you did not kill a child who was riding a bike on your fence crashing episode. Be firm...Get keys, or take off Distributor cap or other disabling methods. You will need starch in your backbone, but you will save a life. Find out WHY THE BLACKOUT....
Unless your Mom was a poor driver before the blackout, I'm not sure I'd be worried. However, if she was a ticking time bomb of a poor driver, since traditional methods have failed, I would suggest you do the guilt trip. My brother would go and visit my Mom weekly and scrutinize the car. Then he would ask her how she got whatever it was that he saw. She had to account for every new scrape on her car. When she couldn't answer the question, he said "how do you know you didn't hit someone?" and "How do you know you didn't run over a child" and "how do you know you didn't run over someone's pet". Eventually she realized that she really didn't know how she got the scrapes on her car and she turned over her keys. If your Mom claims the blackout was due to low sugar or anything like that, then go with "what are you going to do better the next time you feel that way to make sure you don't injure or kill someone?"
I will tell you that once she turned over her keys, even though she rarely drove her car (I think she used less than a tank of gas in a year), her coordination and spatial skills went bad really fast. She stayed active by taking the bus, but there is something about driving a car, that requires the different parts of the brain to work together all at once and make decisions fast while driving the car.
So, I'd go with the guilt trip method if you really want her to give up her car. On the other hand, if she was a decent driver and the only reason why you want her to give up her car is because of her age or the fact that she blacked out, I think you need to figure out why she blacked out.
For example, my mother battled me and my family for years for her privileges before finally she gave up, thankfully without an accident.
Be very careful what you wish for, you may just get it.
Nice to get a new car but sorry it must be immediately disabled so it doesn't get in an accident, too.
And, please report her to the DMV as an unsafe driver. You may do this without telling her. I've read so many situations like this and hope my advice had saved those drivers and others on the roads. Reminds me to be a very careful driver to look out for a "Wayward Driver"!
The other way is to step out of her life and let it run its course because if she has multiple accidents then her license will be pulled and also her vehicle insurance will go up. I know you don't want to step away but sometimes we have too, to get our point over if she is unsafe on the road that is what we need to do is report her.
Prayers
Your sisters boyfriend did no favors when he "assessed" the accident scene
this may come back to bite him in the buttocks. I hope for his career it doesn't. There are far to many incidents of people driving into buildings, through crowds. I think she should be assessed through a drivers course.
My mother lives in the neighborhood across the street. In this case she was visiting a friend in my neighborhood and crashed on her 1 mile home. She blamed the accident on having to go to the bathroom, then food poisoning then low blood pressure. We never found out the truth because she wouldnt go to the doctor to get checked out. She does have other medical issues, diabetes, low kidney function, high cholesterol, cataracts (that she denies but I heard the eye doctor tell her that), and she recovered from a sepsis 2 years ago!
The other problem with all this, is that I have a sister that refuses to acknowledge that this even happened. In fact, her boyfriend is a cop and he "assessed the scene" so he didnt file a police report. Now I understand that if he filed a report she could have lost her license which my sister was not going to let happen or she would have assist with taking care of my mom.
My mom also has an 82 year old boyfriend who took her to go buy the new car. Ironically, its the same car my sister drives so sure there was some influence in that decision.
I have stressed my thoughts and fears about her not driving to all family and friends but no one takes it seriously. They think its "great" that she is "independent" We are in Florida and the roads are packed with traffic and erratic drivers. This will not end well.
What do you do that assists your mom? Sister doesn't do anything? What's the plan when your mother needs in-home care...are YOU the plan?
Like freqflyer asked, how did your mother get to the dealership to buy the new car? Surely you didn't take her there?
Was any reason for the blackout ever come to?
Both my Mom in her 80s and my brother in his 80s quit driving after accidents, in the first case not serious except to the line of trees she mowed down in a nursery, and in the second case very serious indeed and the beginning of his diagnosis as early Lewy's Dementia. I gave up my license in my early 70s because I had never been a specially good driver, and had not driven for years after a move to hilly SF. Was not easy to do, but needed to be done.
You should see how bad some of the drivers here drive! They end up destroying their cars trying to plow through some of our crappy streets.
There are accidents that are directly related to older people. I would never object to having to go every six months to a year to renew my license after a specific age.
Yes, accidents can and do happen at any age. I fully realize this.
Teenagers can’t drive by themselves at first. They get permits. I am thinking about when I took driver’s education as a teenager. The car had breaks on the instructors side of the car. LOL 😆
Glad asked about if the car had artificial intelligence to prevent accidents. I personally love the cameras in my car. These features do help prevent accidents.
My elderly cousin constantly argues about with police about not giving her tickets. She is a speed demon! Other older people creep along. My uncle was pulled over for driving 25 miles an hour on the interstate!
Health issues are a major concern with elderly drivers. Eyesight can be a problem too.
When my cousin went for her driver’s license renewal, she passed the eye exam and always got her license. There are shuttle buses that operate in her senior living apartment. She shouldn’t be driving.
As her daughter you are in the best position to protect other people and your mother. You can go on the DMV website to anonymously report her as a dangerous driver. They will most likely send a letter out telling her she needs to come in for a retest (usually vision, at the minimum). No one should remind her or take her to get this done. Just let her license lapse, then figure out how to keep her away from vehicles.