Dreading 4 hour trip with elderly mother...

Do YOU want to go to this funeral? I think if you want to pay your respects to your uncle, you should go, and take your mother along if you feel up to it. Otherwise, I vote for simply declining to be the chauffeur for this hellish-sounding road trip. To be very blunt, it doesn't sound like she really cares (they hardly talked or visited over the years) and she sounds so negative and mean. . .

I guess maybe I am hard-core but I just think mean people need to realize there is a limit as to how much other people will volunteer to experience their meanness and unpleasantness. She can send some flowers or try to rope in a younger, more gullible family member. No.

My mother developed a Deep Vein Thrombosis after a car trip of similar length. Prolonged sitting should be avoided in the elderly.

Linzy below brings up a really good point. This is just ASKING for a blood clot in someone this age. I would say, at this point that the doctor said "NO". And that's that. Hold some ceremony together at home with pictures if there are some. And Linzy is to be thanked. I always remember this advice with air travel, but I never thought of this. This isn't a wise trip for this reason alone. THANK YOU LINZY.

What about vodka...its clear and pretty tasteless but ought to do the trick! Lol.

My 92 year old always- sniping and non -stop complaining mother is also 90% deaf, which adds even MORE fun to the outing experiences! But she refuses to go to funerals.....she even passed on her own mother's! Her excuse is she's respected these people in life, that's good enough. I guess since they're dead and won't know she's there at the funeral, presumably, then she can't get the Brownie Points for showing up.

In any event, I can't advise you on what to do to minimize your pain and suffering here, short of wearing earplugs......think she'd notice? Maybe some Xanax for you in the evenings at the hotel will help you relax. I truly do not think you can do a single thing to get her to meet you half way. These women have NO IDEA they're so negative or annoying, nor do they care one iota, so they can't change something they don't acknowledge to begin with. Unfortunately.

Good luck and Godspeed, dear woman.

Frances, if you haven't committed to this trip yet, don't do it. You already know how she acts on short trips but this sounds like too much.

Dear Frances73,
just dont take the trip at all...it's ridiculous.
(In my lowly opinion).
Think about how great you'd feel if you just weren't going! It's not unreasonable or a sin, to just say 'not going'.

Lealonnie,

I would love to hang out with you! You are a bright spot on this forum.
You always make me giggle. Thanks.

Hi Frances. Feelin' your pain. Are you sure your mom and mine aren't twins separated at birth?

There are people who believe it's their sworn duty to fill every waking moment with chatter. My 93-year-old mother (with dementia) is one of those. Always has been. It would be bad enough if it was reading billboards but most of it is complaining, dredging up issues from the past and present ad nauseum. (I find myself mouthing her words as she complains, so familiar am I with her stories). She seldom takes naps and never as a passenger in my car. There's no relief.

First of all I would never, ever take Mom on a 4-hour trip. I'd be suicidal before we reached the half-way mark. I limit the duration of our excursions 20 minutes at a stretch, max. I tell Mom she gets 15 minutes to complain; her time is up. Makes her mad but I'm past caring. Sometimes that hushes her up for a few minutes. Sometimes I turn the radio up. Real loud. Or pop in music or a book on CD, loud enough to drown her out.

At mid-stage she's easier to redirect. When she gets stuck on something negative, which is highly typical, I ask her about some pleasant association from her past; usually about her parents or siblings from way back. At least positive chatter is better than negative chatter.

Spiking her water with Ambien? Tempting, but no. For me, that just crosses the line, unless it's bed-time for your mom, she won't hush up, and necessity requires you share her sleeping quarters. But no, my dear, you are not a horrible person. Just a tired, exasperated, desperate person. (((Hugs)))

Hope this helps.

Why take the trip, does not make any sense, if she wanted to see him something would have been worked out while he was alive.

This is all about show, no reason to take her.

Just say No and get on with your life.

Skype or facetime... I did this for a family event and it worked wonderfully. Just have someone on the other end to work with. Very simple... much more so than that kind of a hell trip:)