I've bounced things off of all of you before and received some great advice. My dad is 89 and my mom is 86. My mom doesn't talk much anymore, so my dad gets lonely for conversation. I have a caregiver there with them throughout the day, but for some reason, dad has decided he doesn't like her. So, he calls me griping about what she has made them for dinner and just recently, he's called me complaining that she has eaten all of their cobbler or banana pudding. Yesterday, he called me complaining that there was just enough vanilla ice cream left for mom to have some. I had recently bought some for them and told him where it was in the freezer. He huffed and puffed...insinuating that the caregiver had eaten it all. It has gotten to the point where I just dread talking to him because I know he's going to be complaining about something, simply because he has eaten something and forgot, or that he can't find something and blames the caregiver. This is so mentally exhausting! Do any of you experience the same thing?
But I wouldn't do that with someone who's older unless it's a whiny person who never stops complaining and just wants to complain for the sake of it.
I agree he's upset if not angry and directing it at an innocent party. The caregiver is the scapegoat.
It wouldn't hurt to talk with the caregiver and alert her to these complaints so she doesn't take it personally.
Another option is to respond with "what would you like me to do about this? How can I solve the problem for you? Should I tell the caregiver not to eat while at your house?" It might just slow him down for a bit.
Or you could just say "well, guess I need to get more ice cream the next time I shop so you can all have some!"
In the movie, 'Driving Miss Daisy', her driver borrowed a can from her cupboard, and just as she was yelling that he was a thief and needed to be fired, the driver enters with a new can to replace the one he borrowed.
Apparently, it is more of an issue with seniors than we realize, and caregivers should have an agreement about the food. If the caregiver drives, have her replace the ice cream right away. Have a talk with the caregiver, it is not okay that Dad has to be upset, and then not validated in his complaint. Maybe the complaints will decrease if some are handled and he feels heard.
If the latter, perhaps you can ask him to keep track of what she eats, go with you to the store (if he's still mobile) and buy some food she likes, just for her. Then label it with her name - "[Caregiver's] food". Then she can eat HER food and he and your mother can have their food.
Maybe even create a special place in the frig and freezer for her food so it doesn't get mixed up with theirs.
I just turn a deaf ear.. It's all part of the disease.. All you can do is change the subject and hope for the best...
Try to get him involved in an Adult Day Program.. He needs activity.
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