Don't know what to say to Mom when she accuses me of controlling her?

"It's what the doctor ordered, Mom. Well talk him at the next appoinment"

I have the same problem with my MIL. I am her full time caretaker and she thinks I too am controlling her because I have to give her meds and hide them because she was trying to take to many a day and she has dementia. Im always the bad person because I also have to make sure she showers and changes clothes at least twice a week. Just like BarbBrooklyn said, I always blame it on the doctor. He knows what is going on ahead of time because we have the same doctor so I call and leave the nurse messages about what's happening before her appointments. It helps but I know I will always be the bad person. Good luck and I hope this helps.

Thanks so much! I will let her doctor know and then I can say it's what the doctor ordered.

I feel so bad for my Mom because she lost her independence. Even with her dementia she knows she lost it, she tells me how much she misses driving, etc. And sometimes I really don't know what to say to her to make her feel better. I bring up her life and we talk about what a great life she had which is true. Raising 4 children, running her own business, etc. And that makes her happy...

Thanks again!
Jenna

Why are you doing both enemas and Miralax? Miralax is harsh. Using laxatives like this can make it where the body no longer does it on its own. Moms doctor said to only give Mom something if she hadn't gone in 3 days. Then it was Phillips milk of magnesia. Every time see was in the hospital or rehab they felt she needed to everyday. They had her on a laxative and stool softener Every time saying she should continue them. I choose not to. The elderly really don't eat that much.

Counter with...I am trying to help you! 🤔

My Mother swore by 3 reconstituted prunes, eaten every morning with breakfast, to control constipation and to keep her regular. Every night before bed, she would pour boiling water over 3 dried prunes in a serving bowl, and in the morning they were plump and tasty. This kept a good balance of her bowels, and she rarely needed any other remedy to move her bowels.

Over stimulating the bowels isn't healthy, and any sort of "insert", can be dangerous, be it enemas or suppositories. Any natural remedy you can use such as prunes, prune juice or increase fluids is always best. I know that you are doing all you can to keep the peace and keep her happy!

JoAnn29 and staceyb, my Mom has been using enema's, suppositories ever since I was a young girl, she is not going to change at 92 years old. My Mom was always obsessed with her BM's and I suspected a while back that with her dementia this obsession was only going to escalate which it has. All she talks about is going to the bathroom. I just needed to know how to handle her since I am controlling her to keep her safe. Thank goodness I managed to stop the enemas totally! One small blessing!

That said, I have tried to get her to eat prunes, fiber, etc. I have made green drinks using fresh veggies but she doesn't want that. I made soup with lots of fresh veggies and she will have some of that.

Anyway, thanks for the suggestions as I know drinking Miralax, using "inserts" is not healthy. Again, my Mom is 92 and she is not going to change now.

HolidayEnd, I have said that to my Mom but it didn't work. I have said to her in a gentle voice that I am trying to help her.

Jenna

Holiday, reasoning or explaining to someone with a broken brain is useless. The only thing that seems to work is finding another villan.

" The doctor says it has to be this way, mom" works for a lot of folks.