When do you know you have done all you can do for your loved one?

I realize that a father is very different than a husband when it comes to our feelings, but I wanted to mention what helped me when I was helping my father. He was to the point where doctors did not feel they could help him. Although I am not a religious person, I put it into God's hands and felt immediate peace. There was little I could do as a human to make him better. The most I could do was to provide comfort during his last months.

We don't know when our loved one will leave us. When it gets to the point where we feel that there is little chance of improvement, we have to turn it over and just provide the best palliative care we can. Some people call in hospice so their loved one can stay at home with family. If you opt for palliative care for your husband, it may be something you want to consider. It will give you more time together doing simple things like having meals and watching TV. Big hugs to you at this hard time, JMiller.

My husband and I have lived in the same house for over 30 years. Our son lives out of state and is many hours away. He has been able to come several times for several days and I appreciate it but he can't be here the way he would like to be. I am the oldest of a big family but as families do, they have sympathy but not much in the way of physical hands on help. Most of our neighbors and friends are in the same age range and have their own medical issues. We are in an aging population and there needs to be attention to this situation in this country. Older People have different medical needs and assistance with simple everyday chores is part of that ..
I am 10 years younger than my husband and I wonder sometimes if that makes people think I have unlimited energy. I did trust the MDs when we were in acute care but now that my husband is in a care center, our doctor is no longer the doctor of record, so I am not so trusting. When you have been put in a med care center 30 miles from home, the manner of care and the people in charge change. With my husband as weak as he is, I have to rebuild the bridges of trust that we had with the previous medical team. I would be thrilled if I had just one extra pair of hands to help me with things that keep me from my husbands side.

You have to trust the MD's because they have so much experience with so many patients. Pull your children into the picture and assign tasks to them. Many hands make light work.