It's maddening when my friends used to think my mother was nice, (cuz she trashed them as soon as they left) & nobody believed she was abusive to me. My neighbor said that's called "gaslighting" (when you feel like you're going crazy because an abuser is such a good faker & manipulator, that nobody believes it). Mother would first close all our windows before screaming & choking me. There was nobody to help back in the 1960's either.
People at my Dad’s apartment all told us how generous and sweet he was to everyone.
Not everyone.
Now they are saying how sweet he is to everyone at the nursing home. Yet he turns when some of my siblings visit and they end up crying.
I feel for you.
All I can suggest is stay away. 3 of my siblings are not visiting him at all because of this behavior.