Does my mom 'choose' to be in a foul mood?

i agree with cheryl,
get right in the elders ass when they mistreat you UNLESS they are ill with dementia. a dementia patient is truly helpless to control their moods and delusional thinking. its a maddening mental illness and can drag you down with it if you dont develop a helluva strategy. took my mom to town today to find something comfortable to sit in. not a chair in the store would work altho they were american made recliners from 225.00 to 250.00 . i know we wouldnt be buying a chair before we left the house but we went thru the charade anyway. on the way home instead of shoving her out of the car on a bridge i told her we could go back at any time and look at the chairs again. mine was the preferable strategy considering how much of a fuss is made over murder 1 in this country.

You ask a very good question. I personally feel that we give older people too many "outs" when it comes to unacceptable behaviors. The behaviors may be harmless, but often they are abusive and make other people around them miserable. Many times these behaviors are intentional and not the result of any disease other than rudeness. I think it is okay to call them on it. They may get mad for a few minutes, but that is better than everyone around them having to live in misery.

I am starting to think someone cloned my mother. Seems to be an awful lot of her out there. And she is one manipulative and narcissistic piece of work.

Set your boundaries, your mother will not get better with age. :)

Yes, she can be that manipulative! And you need to call her out on it just like you would if your kids were doing it. "Mom I know we don't have any plans for today but please stop it! We are not here to entertain you. Yes, you do know what I am talking about (if not in dementia). Stop whining, ...." If she get mad and won't talk to you or goes in her room that's okay. Don't put up with manipulative behavior it only get worse because she figures out she can control you.
Make a list of at-home things she needs to so do so she is not a loose ends. Keep it handy and add to it when you think of things.

Maybe. I think sometimes mental impairments may affect how a person reacts to others. However that is not an excuse for your mother's manipulative behavior. Certainly it is possible to reinforce guilt-tripping, "how can you be so selfish" crap, et cetera. I'm going through that and I'm seeking professional help (going to a family counselor today) in how to deal with it. If I hear anything good I will pass it on!

Yup, we ALL have the same Mom, Dad or spouse! This shows how common the human condition is, but even so, we all have to live. Setting some boundaries is necessary. And get rid of the guilt no matter if you are a "hands on" caregiver or a person who is responsible in some other way.

Wow,you guys know EXACTLY what Im going thru! It good to know that Im just a freak that isnt doing it right.Mum has always been manipulative,she will nag and complain until she gets what she wants.I mean,like,every couple of hours,"ave you done..?"And her stock answer to everything is "No!"..Then,she will taste/try/look at something and love it,and act like it was her idea all along...sigh...

Madge!!!Yes!! I broke my foot in March,and when I got back from the ER,all she could talk about was back in the old days when SHE thinks that she 'broke her ankle'!!Every conversation is redirected to be about her!Arghhhh...

I am a paid caregiver, and I also have to set boundaries.... there seems to be the mind set that because I am paid, that gives leeway to abuse.... not so.... just this past week I told the lady I work for " I can ask you a question without having my head snapped off !" and went outside..... I do my job and I do it well, but under no circumstances do any of us have to be abused...... set that boundary and stick to it !!! Of course they may get angry.... so what... better them than us on any given day !!!! This job is hard enough without having to be mentally abused in the process.... no, you are not alone.... !!!

Yup, boundaries are key, otherwise you'll go nuts. Walk out of the room, hang up the phone, turn the car around and take them back home if they start giving you an attitude when you're driving them somewhere, whatever it takes, as long as you don't yell, hit, or run them through a wood-chipper.
Narcissists hate to be ignored. Hate it! They need an audience like the rest of us need oxygen. When my MIL started acting up on a recent visit and calling me some things that sounded very surprising coming from a genteel Southern lady of some eighty summers, my husband told her she couldn't speak to me that way, and if she did it again, we'd leave. She did it again and we left, much to her surprise. Set boundaries and enforce them gently but firmly, every single time. After awhile, they get the picture.
It's like training a puppy or a small child.