Martz06 Asked November 2020
Does anyone know if one glass of wine is ok for someone with dementia?
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My father has dementia. I do his grocery shopping. Lately he’s been asking me to buy a bottle of wine. He’s never been an alcoholic but occasionally enjoys a glass of wine while he eats. I believe he has been having hallucinations lately so I can’t see how alcohol could be good for him, but I’m not sure if it would hurt. I will have to ask his new Dr. (his previous Dr. retired).
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I appreciate your comments. You've always been gracious to me and a lot of your posts bring a smile to my face if not a "chuckle." I'm not trying to please everyone or anyone for that matter. Like the proverbial saying goes, "You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time" attributed to John Lydgate, Abe Lincoln and PT Barnum according to one source. I actually prefer the other saying, "You can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time" - but, that's a whole other arena!
In this day and age, I think or more like I know, most people see kindness, empathy and compassion as a weakness but, "I" see it as a strength. If people met me in person, they would know I'm very confident and comfortable in my own skin - I wasn't like that when I was younger.
I haven't been on the forum except a few times late at night when someone seemed desperate for an answer and I wanted to help them know they've been heard but, mostly have answered some of those questions or updates privately.
I know one thing, I've gotten two big projects done that I've been dreading and putting off for a couple years, completed while being away!
I'm glad you find the Bible verses refreshing and comforting which is all they are meant to do - I'm not trying to force any of my beliefs on anyone, not trying to convert anyone. Sometimes, it's just some words to be pondered but, everyone can make up their own minds whether they get anything out of it.
Well, better get back to my next project - it feels great to get something accomplished. I will try to private message you later today!
No offense here and I don't mean to harpe on an old thread but I do want to respond to your comment.
You stated, "you have been brushed off from not providing "intellectual answers."
From what I have witnessed on this forum, your answers are just as "intellectual" as anyone else's here.
Do not let others intimidate you and tell you otherwise. : )
No offense taken - at least not by me :)!
I appreciate your comments. It's not a matter of being intimidated, it's just a matter of not wanting to contribute anything if it's not helpful as my plate is plenty full!
Thank you again -
I am an atheist, but would support anyone's right to have their own religious belief, or none at all.
I think you managed to fish out a month old thread that hasn't been commented on for many days. I agree with you that it seemed to have descended into it's own odd madness. But it wouldn't have even shown up on Forum today had you not felt the need to comment on it. I could almost think it is YOU looking for an argument this fine evening. And for the sake of argument (I admit to enjoying one occasionally actually), I know you have found posts worthy of comment and considerations in past, and have contributed good info, and bet you will in the future. At least I hope so.
I felt the hurt in my heart for you. Whew. Bless your heart. You were a very strong person. I understand you had a deep love for your dad. So sorry.
Do you feel you did not nitpick my comment? I mean, honestly, I was just giving my opinions as to why I did not agree with giving someone with dementia, (or anyone for that matter) a glass of wine.
No arguement - just opinion.
Your comment to me was basically, "who cares." Now if you were not nitpicking my comment, then what were you doing?
Either way - you right or wrong - it doesn't matter to me. If you want me to publicly apologize - I CAN DO THAT : )
Like I said, No arguement here.
...I watched him go from a robust man of 6' 5" 265 lbs down to 150 pounds...if he wanted a glass of wine I would have moved heaven and earth to do that for him...he died in my arms...I require no apology....
"These people are at the end of life who cares"
To this comment: That is the point I am making. "No one cares." That is a shame.
I'm not preaching. Nothing I have stated here is biblical.
You're nitpicking my comment...when I said no one cares...you know I meant no one cares about drinking a glass of wine...
And preaching...ok how about
proselytizing instead of preaching... better?
When we obtained guardianship and brought her to live with us, we cut her back to a couple small glasses of wine daily for a week or so, adding nutritious snacks and meals that she could chew (no teeth) and digest (celiac disease). Then we decreased it to one glass of wine, while adding a glass of cranberry juice a day which she loved. Finally she was enjoying an afternoon glass of cranberry juice with slices of cheese, never missing the wine.
I purchased cranberry juice that was 100% juice, sweetened with other juices, NOT sugar added or artificial sweeteners, and poured it into pretty little glasses that she could easily handle. She also loved bowls of yogurt with fruit, and after early dinners, small bowls of natural vanilla ice cream.
Staying well hydrated helped to reduce the craving for alcohol, a strategy I use myself when stress tempts me to pour another glass of wine that I know I don't need or really want!
Two years ago for a while he took to drinking a high ball size glass of white wine like it was water at all hours of the day. So I resorted to watering wine quite significantly and he never noticed. Saved me the argument and threats about not providing wine and kept him out of trouble. That was just a phase.
So unless he's on meds that have strong contra indications I would give him his glass of wine! Seems like he lives alone from what you say, so may be you can buy the individual serving cans, bottles or even glass shaped containers they sell today.
It is always a great idea and advisable to ask the doctor 1st. Make sure he can have wine with current meds.
Dementia steals so much from them, why not continue with a nightly glass that she enjoyed. And we will all die of something. If drinking the wine has a risk of death then give me more.
If I get dementia, I would rather die sooner than later. And maybe, just maybe, I it hastens deat
We got home together, back to my Mom's place that we were moving her things preparatory to giving up her rooms. Sat together on the sofa having a big glass of wine, and my bro looked at me and said "You know, if I thought that cigarettes would take away one week of my life for every one cigarette smoked, I would take up chain smoking". That good man never did take up smoking, and had to live to 85 facing down Lewy's Dementia.
gladimhere, I am so with you. If I thought that a glass of wine would take away a week for every glass I drank down, you would have to pry the wine bottle out of my cold dead hand.
Thanks for my Saturday morning moment of levity.
On the other hand, when my grandfather was dying and knew he was, I was the person who let him enjoy a night before he died.
In your first situation alcohol could have had very dire consequences. And in your second alcohol can be a comfort to someone in special circumstance.
There are excellent points made in this thread by all. I think OP has a lot of good points from a variety of posters.
I would love to know how OP has chosen, and what factors figured in his or her unique situation.
Remember now, I am not the boss here, OP is. He/she makes his/her own decisions, I just offer my advice/opinion, as everyone else here does.
You do know that wine (even in moderation) (and NO I do NOT drink) can cause/add mental confusion, diorientation. violence with others and so, so much more harmful things? That is well enough reasons right there not to give it to someone. Then a person with dementia at that.
In my "humble opinion", I wouldn't necessary go by what a doctor says, simply because they are human too. They are just like ME, you and everyone else. Just because they are doctors does not mean that they always have the right answer. They may mean well and they may not. Who knows? (I am not knocking doctors by no means) It is what it is.
My husband and I know of Memory Care Units who think it is fine to let their dementia patients smoke with heart disease and lung disease. Guess what happens to some of them? They end up in the hospital. I don't think that is a very wise decion.
Nevertheless, It is people's decision what they do.
Speaking of MIL, her PCP recently told her to drink a glass or two of wine after dinner, hoping it would calm her down and help her sleep (anyone following my crazy story with MIL will remember she has not slept since I joined the family in '75)....my DH went and bought her the wine and she would NOT be seen in a liquor store and we don't have alcohol sold at Costco here in Utah.
It hasn't made her sleepy, she reports, but I think at least it takes the edge off her awful personality. My DH bought her 2 bottles and said to make it last (joking)..he doesn't care if she chugged both bottles.
Back in my GGfather's day, he was also told to take a 'tot of sherry' for his blood every night. That was over 100 years ago.
Haileybug---calm down, OK? Caring for the elderly is NOT a one size fits all. We appreciate your comments, but we're all dealing with so many different issues--
LOL Haileybug is calm. : )