Does anyone have experience going Gray Rock when you can't go no contact?

My answer is very simple and I admit I don't have to deal with the extreme personality issues others have shared. Yet I do have occassions when I can be overwhelmed by some personality issues from some. I simply imagine a gray rock in my hand. All my focus goes to that. I try to then remove myself physically from the space that is being shared by what is causing the need for the gray rock. It may not always work and might take time but in those moments all my concentration is with the gray rock. Each time this happens I tell myself I really need to find an actual suitable rock. Of course I might be tempted to throw it which would negate the whole idea!

I deal with my own toxic brother in this way. He made a scene in the hospital, calling me a murderer while my father was on his deathbed. It took all the self-restraint in the world not to answer him, but I instinctively knew not answering and letting him hang himself with his own rope was the right thing to do. Since then, he has sent me numerous nasty, lengthy communications through different channels, demanding to know where "his" money is. If I absolutely have to answer, I speak only to facts. I offer no conjecture and no interest in his rantings. But for several months now I have not answered him and it has died down. I have all the communication and my responses or lack thereof saved. A judge might be interested someday. The behavior will stop if you do not reward it. Your reacting to it is their reward. Yell and scream IN PRIVATE. Write responses to him without sending them to help handle your own feelings. You must be cool as a cucumber in your actual dealings with him at all times. You will feel in complete control, you will safeguard your mental health and completely frustrate him in the process. WIN WIN WIN.

There is a website called Out of the Fog, which you might find helpful. It is for dealing with people who have personality disorders. Do a search for it on the internet.

Wow, thanks so much for posting about this. I think those who have to learn to deal with personality disordered family and friends can benefit so much from just googling this and watching a short youtube on it. It is a method I think many of us know WORKS with such personalities, when argument certain does NOT work. Please let us know, and experimentation could be fun.

My GOSH!!

I was doing exactly that with my toxic brother and didn't even KNOW it. I had learned the technique during some therapy sessions, but my therapist didn't call it "grey rock".

You cannot cure this type of personality problem, mostly because they do not WANT to be 'cured' and part of what makes them so hard to deal with is that they have zero interest in anyone else. They are right, all the time, no matter what evidence you may have to the contrary, they are always right.

I didn't fight with OB (he has since passed, and had such PEACE after he died. How sad to die and have maybe 3 people who cared) I just listened to him rant. And, yes, a one hour, nonstop talk session wasn't unusual. I actually recorded one, just out of curiosity sake--played it back to DH who was pleading with me to turn it off NOW. Just random nonsensical blathering.

He was able to talk my parents out of the equity in their home, their silverware (real silver, people don't really have that anymore) coin collections, Indian artifacts, cars, and simply the cash in their wallets. And somehow they bought into all the lies and stuff he told them. It was beyond sad.

He was never 'cured' although he had plenty of psychiatric help. The only was we in the family could deal with him was by being, well, rude. we'd call him out on his lies and didn't support him with anything beyond maybe a meal and $20 here or there.

My mom is a little bit that way.She isn't very sympathetic and does most things to 'look good'. I have to sometimes take long breaks from her. I mean, 6+ months of no contact.

Do go google this. It is a pretty effective way to handle the narcissists in your life, and believe me, we all have some.

Try "gray rock" in the search function on the menu bar- this has been discussed elsewhere within this forum. Interesting posts and links.

I never heard of this. Off to google.

I had never heard of this so I looked it up.
Interesting way to deal with this situation.
It might be worth a try.
The difficult part I think is consistently carrying out the correct responses and having the correct "affect". That can be tough to do when you want to argue with this person.
If you try it you will have to stick with it for a while to determine if it is working or not. He will also try to find new ways to push your buttons so you have to be consistent.
Like I said, can't hurt to try.
If this works let others know as it might be of help.