Does anyone else here care for an aging parent in the home, not work outside the home? With COVID I feel like a prisoner inside my own home.

Hi - I'm Barbara. Only child Caregiver for Dad, BUT he only lived me with few months.
Own his own with 2 helpers and me visiting 2 days a week. This forum is a huge help to all of us. I mostly read but thought I would share today.
Dad is 93 with dementia, not worst case but we have to give morning meds and prep meals. He is able to walk and use bathroom.
Sometimes we have to think out of the box of what to do for our parent.
I pick flowers for Dad and he loves them
Brought friends dog over and he enjoyed that and lit him up
Bring a magazine and go through page by page with comments
Bring over a food treat that he likes
Buy scratch off lottery tickets and have them do the scratching with a coin. Last one was a $10 winner- Dad was happy!
Show him paper pictures from the past or pics/video on my phone of something
We do simple exercises together - marching in place holding on to chair and he can lift free weights. I get Dad outside for short walks. He also enjoys just standing outside and watching the birds and planes.

You can use a wheelchair outside and take parent for a walk. If parent can get to the chair outside. It can be kept outside hidden and covered if you don't have a ramp.
If parent can get to the car take for a ride - plan visit to a park - have lunch at a picnic table.
Doing something together such as adult coloring books, puzzles.
What I find is we get so used to doing things for them we forget they may be able to do things also but we don't give them the chance. I witnessed in a rehab they gave a lady towels to fold and she felt an accomplishment.

Nothing says we all should not be exercising even if our parent can't . Many exercises you can do inside and maybe you can leave for 15 min for a walk.

Dad likes to watch the birds - if you have a tree or anywhere you can place bread and attract birds it can hold their attention.

It's easy to get frustrated but put the energy into thinking of something your parent would like. They know more that you think and pick up on our frustration.
Put yourself in their place.
Sometimes we forget to ask what do they want? - what would they like to do?

I took my Dad to the driving range - long time golfer and he can still hit a short shot but he enjoyed just watching the guys hit and then we played a couple holes of miniature golf.
Since the virus I'm thinking many of our homes have less items, is more organized, and if it's not than you can do that on your own to keep busy and you feel better downsizing.
I think we get so frustrated as we are thinking of ourselves and how we are handling the care giving situation. A parent can realize they are stuck and can feel like they are a burden.

Try a different approach. The last thing we want is after our parent has passed is to look back and realize we didn't do more positive activities.

All the best to care givers and do for yourselves best you can and try to make your parent smile today.

Barbara

I am a caregiver for mom(84)living in apartment in a senior community but does not care to take an interest in anything. She is on a walker. Mom has a part time evening sitter that also shops for food and does light housekeeping, helps her shower. An aunt is 91 living in her home with in home care. For the aunt we installed cameras and use the Nest app. when family cannot be with her. Thankfully we have family support from most. I have found tending my garden and just getting some green time does wonders for my soul. Could you get a sitter for your mom and at least run errands by yourself? The Nest app works with your phone and you can easily watch from from the yard or store. It's not the same but keep connected to old friends through social media or phone.

I am in the same boat but it is my husband who I am caring for I have no family around our adult children live one near NY city in NJ, and one in CA near the beach Monterey, too expensive in both cases to move close. Both couples work full time and have a child. I had a fall 2 years ago leaving me with my writing hand and arm damaged. At least I can drive for now. We have some money for now but when I have to pay for full time care in a facility it sure won't last long. When he could go to adult day care a couple of days a week it was manageable but that is now long gone with the pandemic. If that were not enuff he doesn't hear most of my voice upper register and he won't wear a hearing aid and says I mumble.

Is it possible to put a camera in the main part of the room she is in all day. This way you can go outside and sit or garden for a while. For appointments can you do virtual ones? We have been doing all appointments virtually. We have a pace maker check coming up. They do it in the parking lot without the patient getting out of the car. My mom will wear a shield. My mom once she is in her recliner she will stay put until I help her get out, so I am lucky in that way. Once my mom has breakfast I go out side or run an errand. My dad lives there but he has mobility issues. So I fix meals and take care of moms needs.

Hi, my name is Jennifer and I live in Texas. I live and help take care of my 81 year old mother. You are not alone! I feel trapped in our home too because I don't want to get out and pick up the awful Covid-19 virus and give it to her. I usually have our groceries delivered. She has home health care come by for physical therapy, but last week I paused her therapy because the Corona virus is getting so bad around here. I usually buy my mom books to keep her occupied, but she loves watching t.v. Soon I will be going back to work as a teacher's aide which also frightens me about picking up the virus. I would suggest get some projects like even water coloring, latch hook, or puzzles to keep her busy and motivated. I hope this helps! Take care and be safe! Sincerely, Jen

Boy can I relate to your situation though my mom passed a couple of years ago. She was bedridden on hospice living in my home for 2 yrs. Then my MIL had to be cared for because my husband's only sibling died and this went on for 3 more years. Total I spent over 17 yrs care giving. Friends with frivolous one track minded interests disappeared. Now the pandemic is keeping me from finally realizing any dreams and plans we had to move from this state. It is easy to feel trapped and depressed. What helps me most is keeping a journal. Gardening a bit helps as well. Do you have a pet? I came on Aging Care and often that was the only outside contact I had, and at the time my mom was bedridden in my home that helped immensely. Please feel free to come on here and vent or keep contact too. There are many caregivers who feel as you do! You are a wonderful caregiver to your mom.

Wow! I thought I was the only one! My mom (93) came home from tcu at the end of March and was doing great- until her home therapy ended. Suddenly she became “helpless” and would find any excuse to get me to come to wherever she was. She too wanted me to sit on the couch with her for hours on end. I was at the point where I wanted to run away and not come back because I had no life. Unfortunately she was hospitalized and had surgery and had to go back to tcu a few Weeks ago. Of course she’s miserable and with Covid I can’t visit. I feel bad for her but at the same time I feel guilty for enjoying the break I’m getting. I want her back home but am also dreading giving up my freedom again. Most of the “needs” are just loneliness and the need for companionship. I will be getting some additional home care when she returns home so I can do my own thing a couple of times/wk. financially it’s going to be a stretch but worth it for both of us. It’s a good strategy- hopefully it will help. Btw - asking friends and family to help out? We all know when it comes down to it, unless they are absolute saints, they can’t be depended on. And, as hard as it seems sometimes I’m so grateful to still have Mom around and want to enjoy her as much as I can while I still have her. Thank God her memory is still good enough that she still recognizes me!

Momscgiver, I hear you and I totally get it. You are not alone, there are so many of us all in the same boat. Sending you big big hugs through all this chaos! Not sure where you are, but I'm in NY and yes, it's been a long, tough road. But we will get through this, and this stupid pandemic WILL end eventually.

This has truly been a difficult time- I lost my grandfather to COVID19, my grandma and I were sick with it, which caused us both some health issues. But you know what? Those health issues are clearing up. My breathing has gotten much better to the point where I hardly need the inhaler. Grandma is recovering well. My family and I fought because difficult times tend to bring out the worst in people, but we are all still here and trying to patch things up.

My dear, don't worry. Like all storms in life, this too shall pass. Stay strong, take time out for yourself, go do something fun that you enjoy at least once a day. I live for my 12 o'clock Beatles block on the radio everyday! :) I promise you, it's all going to be okay.

To all of my fellow caregivers out there, sending you guys lots of love and support.

HI I hear you! I have been living with my mom with dementia since May. It seems like years now. Some days I wonder if I can even handle it. I changed my life to be here ..even thinking that i could get a part time job close by ..to alleviate stress. When I am gone..she wont eat. (or thinks she ate and did not) now my job is gone. My mom is 81yrs old..she has ALWAYS been a person that needs attention. which at times makes me wonder if she is doing her coughing fits, "cold" scenarios, and repeat activities like changing the channel on the TV constantly ..ON PURPOSE (?). Its only when I walk in the room. She complains about the same things all the time. when it hits her brain it has to process out of her brain until the next time. Its like a never ending tape recorder. I am coming to a place/process of NOT having an opinion concerning her antics...not easy. Which is why i am here on AgingCare. I have always been a person with empathy. Why have I lost it now? Its like I dont feel sorry for my mom at all. I have done workshops on Alzheimers, taken classes, attended every doctors appointments etc. even spoke to social workers. All I can do is "sigh."....as I listen to her now..in the other room pretending to cough..so she can complain. :-(

I'm here too with all of you..so glad you posted this question.

I work in a school p/t and before covid, had aides come in to sit with mom while I worked. Now if I cannot go back to my job in Sept due to covid,I'll be very depressed since that's my lifeline to sanity.

Mom likes to be around me & stare at my face and I totally hate that...so I put on YT videos for her and insist that she stay in her room for a bit.

I sometimes wonder why our parents go on living & living & living....,what is the purpose of their life if they get too sick/very dependent on us?

My husband is generally supportive since his parents also live with us 6 mos/year. I feel I'm running my own senior center with meals on the dot, taking them to appointments etc..

Yes...I am here for my Mom 24/7 and it’s just me, my husband and her everyday. She is 91 and has moderate dementia and is very wobbly and uses a cane - refuses to use a walker. Half the time she forgets the cane and has fallen twice and stumbled many times. I can’t follow her around constantly. She is beyond anything that requires critical thinking, i.e. preparing meals, taking meds, using a telephone etc. Naturally, we each try to take times for ourselves, but she’s with it enough to resent us leaving for a few hours....separately because of COVID. I don’t want anyone in the house that could bring in the pandemic. So, I go kayaking and hubby fishes. We’ll take turns care-giving. I did it for his Mom and older sister, so he’s willing. It’s relaxing but we come home to the full time job. I keep telling myself this too will pass; try to keep a sense of humor; if I get testy; I forgive myself and try better next time...despite the myriads of times I cook something special she likes and I don’t get even an “oh this tastes good”, least of all a thank you. Care-giving is the hardest job in the world. If you are in that position....I admire and applaud you. Enough said.

Yes! We are all going nuts and I assure you that you are not alone. What part of Florida? I’m in palm beach county. I am 24/7 caregiver and work from home (though so far behind in work as it’s not easy to get anything done). My family is in another state and though I was 100% go go go after her stroke with non stop therapy and getting organized after living in hospitals for 3 months at least back then there were therapist coming in or we went to outpatient. Just when I thought maybe I would start bringing at least PT back in our numbers started rising and now I feel stuck again. Like will I ever get her back into therapy and looking for care to help me at home. It makes for long days. I too escape outdoor and try to do my work on the patio - 110 degrees lol but my gosh it’s quiet ;)

I care for my 86 yr old friend. We are live in. It is very hard. Ive been having a real hard time bc i want to live now and now facing my own health issues and worry will i ever be able to live again literally. I am learning to give it all over to the Lord and be happy and content with what I have and where I am.

I too am in a similar situation. I care for my bedridden husband who has been under Hospice care for the last 19 months. I haven't been able to work for the last 3 1/2 years due to some health issues and now my husband. I am so used to being at home that this Covid crap really hasn't changed my life at all(other than I now I have to wear a mask when I go in places). That being said though, I really have tried to get out at least a couple days a week for my sanity's sake to meet a friend for supper or just shop for a little bit to get some more human interaction, as caregiving 24/7 is very lonely, and in my case, my husband since his stroke, doesn't speak very well, so we really can't have much of a conversation. I'm not as paranoid as some people are about getting the virus or exposing my husband, as I feel at this point my mental health is more important. I don't know if you have anyone that can come sit with your mom at least once a week, so you can just get out for a few hours, and do whatever you enjoy doing or not, but you'd be amazed what just a few hours away can do for your perspective, and mental health. I think that that is the biggest mistake that us caregivers make, and that's not taking time for ourselves. It's so very important. If we don't as you already know, it takes a great toll on our mental and also our physical health. You're just going to have to make yourself a priority. It'll be worth it. I promise.

I am so glad I am not alone. This is a tough situation. When I made the decision to care for Mom, 90, I did not have a crystal ball. Mom is somewhat dependent on me. I have someone come give me a break once in a while. I go out in the yard to garden and that is my happy place. I used to have a home that was my safe place which I gave away. Now I have a room that I can use, however this J O B is 24/7. The only one that understands this is my husband. People volunteer to come and never show.......brother thinks that I am over~reacting, says he'll trade with me in a heartbeat. Well he retires Friday, we'll see if the rubber is going to meet the road. I take Mom for a ride EVERY day for one hour. Some days I count the minutes, some days I really enjoy. It all has to do with my Spiritual fitness. I also do Zoom meeting and phone calls with friends. It is so nice to see their face. I am here for you to vent 24/7.

I am in a similar situation to you - and I totally identify with feeling like a prisoner in your own home. The covid situation has made things worse for people like us, as we want to protect our family and minimise going out, but in normal times the going out might be the only respite from care giving. I used to swim several times a week for mental as well as physical health but have been unable to do this since March, and miss my swimming buddies as well as the exercise. Also, you are spending all of your time caring for another and very little or no time on caring for yourself, which is not good for you and that is why you are feeling so low. The most important thing in the current situation as well as in the future is to balance your caring responsibilities with some time for yourself to do something you enjoy or that makes you feel good. Ideally have a place in your home that is your own personal space, where you can go to when everything gets too much or when you just need a break from caring. You also need to find something that gives you pleasure, to offset the daily grind of caring. My personal space is my garden, with gardening as one of my main pleasure-giving activities. I also have a room in the house that is mine and that I can go to for a rest, to read, watch TV, catch up on emails etc without being bothered by anyone else. Sometimes I find going for a walk helps too - alone, not with anyone else tagging along. If your mother tries to insist on accompanying you every time you leave the house, you need to try and kindly explain that you need some time to yourself sometimes. My mother used to pounce on me every time she saw me looking like I was about to go out, questioning me about where I was going and that she was coming too. It would drive me crazy and this is where the feeling of being a prisoner came from. In the end I would say I was just going out and wanted to be on my own for a while. She didn't like this but it it was essential to retain my sanity. You are entitled to some personal space and to have a break from care giving. Hope this helps.

I am in a similar situation, not going anywhere and not working outside home, taking care of my 90 year old mom. Doing a hobby helps, I do some crafting and writing. Get outside and work in the yard, if you can. I,m also involved in an online Bible study, it isn't the same as seeing people in person, but it helps.